21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 33

 

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and whey,

Along came a geezer,

Who propositioned her

And horny Miss Muffet said ok

PUT DOWN # 31

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

Before he has chance to deliver

His pickup line to you

Just say to him

“And which dwarf are you?”

ARE YOU WEARING A LEEK?

 

Are you wearing a leek?

The Welsh national emblem

An aromatic little symbol

Displayed out of patriotism

ARE YOU WEARING A DAFF?

 

Are you wearing a daff?

The Welsh floral emblem

A pretty yellow symbol

Displayed out of patriotism

ARE YOU WEARING A DAFFODIL?

 

Are you wearing a daffodil?

The Welsh floral emblem

A pretty yellow symbol

Displayed out of patriotism

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – THALIA (MUSE OF COMEDY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The eighth was,

The divine Thalia,

Flourishing, in bloom,

Was the muse of comedy and idyllic poetry

A comic mask in her hand

The praises of Thalia, rustic goddess

And in her songs flourish through time

PUT DOWN # 32

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

Before he has chance to deliver

His pickup line, get in quick

And say “I see you've chosen today

To humiliate yourself in public”

THE COURTING RULE

 

When I was courting

Many years ago

I had a golden rule

Which I liked to follow

This ruled applied

To certain criteria

Namely that the girl

Should live in the same area

In extreme cases

A short bus ride away

As a general rule

Only one street away

But preferably

In the same street, or

In a perfect world

The house next door

My kids have no such rule

And don’t date girls in our road

In fact they won’t even date

A girl in our post code

MULTITASKING MAIDENS

Women are supposedly very good at multitasking

Men are not, which allegedly is our biggest crime

But if women are truly capable of multitasking

Why can’t they have a headache and sex at the same time?

DAVY JONES DISCO

 

If you go to a seafood disco

For a tango and a tussle

Don’t complain about bad luck

If you only pull a muscle

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 32

 

Monday’s child is bleary eyed,

Tuesday’s child is full of pride,

Wednesday’s child is fighting fit,

Thursday’s child is full of shit,

Friday’s child gets out of its brain,

Saturday’s child goes to the pub again

And the child that is born on the Sabbath day

Is nice and kind in an irritating way

LIQUID TO SOLID

 

Liquid Viagra will become

The ultimate cocktail I think

And be popular with the group

In need of a stiff drink

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – TERPSICHORE (MUSE OF DANCING)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The seventh was,

The divine Terpsichore,

Delight of dancing,

Muse of choral songs and dance

A lyre in her hand

Accompanies the dancers

Terpsichore muse of dance

Mother of the sirens

LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 3

 

It seems that no matter which road I travel

As soon as I turn onto it the road works begin

But it’s not the road works themselves I mind so much

It’s that they’re never filling the bloody Potholes in

SHE WHO MUST BE

 

When first we met, I thought of her

She who must be an angel

When we were married, she became

She who must be obeyed

Now we are divorced she has become

She who must be despised

SCUBA TECHNIQUE

 

Have you ever wondered why it is?

When sitting on the edge of the boat

Scuba divers always fall backwards

When entering the water, well take note 

It’s because if they were to fall forwards

They would go face first into the boat

A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

A balanced diet

Is what is planned

Which invariably

Means I understand

Something healthy

Something bland

 

A healthy lifestyle

Is what is planned

So, a balanced diet

If I might expand

Does not involve

A pie in each hand

A SHADOW OF YOUR FORMER SELF

 

In your younger days

Your figure was quite svelte

You were trim and fit

And you didn’t need a belt

 

You were dapper and neat

And sartorially proud

Now your clothes are garish

And horribly loud

 

In your untailored attire

You lack any kind of taste

And all of your trousers

Have an elasticated waist

 

Your health is not the best

You have a dicky heart

Your digestion is quite iffy

And you’re prone to fart

 

I look back to the past

And the feelings I felt

When your manly cologne

Was the only thing I smelt

 

Now that you're mature

And your skin no longer fits

For some unknown reason

I still love you to bits

PHILOSOPHICAL FACT

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion

I have no argument with that

But I would very strongly make the point

They cannot have their own facts

LESS IS MORE

 

You don’t need to be frumpy

But I don’t want brassy

There’s no need to dress like my aunty

But I’m not looking for flashy

I don’t want to see everything

So don’t put it all on display

You don’t need to be obvious

I have an imagination, ok?

I don’t want to see it all

On display in the window

You don’t need to go in the shop

When everything is on show

You can allude to what you have

Without putting it all on display

But I don’t want to see it all

Save something for a rainy day

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 31

 

London Bridge is falling down,

Falling down, falling down,

And the reason that its falling down

Built by Wimpy

PUT DOWN # 30

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

When he sidles up to you with his pick up line

Before he has chance to deliver it

Just say to him

“Nice cologne, but did you have to marinate in it?”

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – POLYHYMNIA (MUSE OF HYMNS)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The sixth was,

The divine Polyhymnia,

The one of many hymns,

Was the Muse of sacred poetry and sacred hymns

Of eloquence and pantomime

In her long cloak and classical pose

Polyhymnia was a serious, pensive and meditative muse

LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 2

 

It seems that no matter which road I travel

As soon as I turn onto it the road works begin

They always get there before me with one exception  

There are never any problems on the road to ruin

SHEEPISH

 

A man walked into his bedroom

Where his wife was preparing for sleep

And stood in the doorway

Holding a leash attached to a sheep

“Sweetheart when you have a headache

This is the cow I make love to”

The wife looked at him with utter contempt

Then took his silence as her cue

Saying “If you weren't such a numbskull,

You’d know that's not a cow it’s a yew

He replied “If you weren't so conceited

You’d realise I wasn’t talking to you”

STAY, STAY, STAY

 

Conscious of the danger to an animal

Being left inside a parked car

A woman opened the car window

So, her puppy could get some air

But the little pup saw the open window

As a route to escape the car

And the woman had to stop

Before she had got very far

She stood and pointed at the dog

Firmly saying stay, stay, stay

A woman of the blonde persuasion

Was watching her from some distance away

But she had to keep repeating it

Until she felt it safe to go

The blonde woman shouted to her

“You can use the hand brake you know”

DOPEY BROTHER

 

My brother has a really bad habit

He smokes pot to excess you see

When he needs more from his dealer

He picks up the phone and hits the hash key

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

 

Amidst the preparations

For the upcoming festivities

There has been a lot of demand

On the Church amenities

 

For those of us involved

In pulling the Christmas peel

Found the time to practise

Was far less than ideal

 

I found it difficult to fit it in

Around work and family needs

And often practised alone

At a very late hour indeed

 

One night it all got too much

The final straw I can’t remember

But as a result, I decided to tie

The bell rope around my member

 

I don’t know why it was

That I succumbed to the pressure

But I was discovered

And I was tolled off by the vicar

THANK GOD THAT’S OVER

 

I'm so glad I am leaving

It’s not before time

It’s like release from prison

After committing no crime

 

It’s a cause for celebration

Bring on the dancing girls

Crack open a bottle

Let’s get the flags unfurled

 

I’ve worked too many years

For Scrooge like employers

Today is a joyful occasion

It’s the greatest of pleasures

 

I'm so glad I am leaving

It’s all I have desired

Thank God the day has come

I’m so glad I’ve retired

I HAVE A LOVELY SON

 

I have a lovely son

He is my number one

He won’t be an only child

I hope for another one

But he is our first born

When all said and done

I won’t love him anymore

But he’ll always be number one

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 30

 

Hickory dickory dock

Something’s up with the clock

The clock’s struck dumb

The batteries run down

Useless bloody clock

PUT DOWN # 29

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Let's go back to my place!”

Would be a line well known

So just reply to him

“I don't think we'll both fit under that stone!”

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – MELPOMÈNE (MUSE OF TRAGEDY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The fifth was,

The divine Melpomène,

The one that is melodious,

Was firstly the muse of singing

To celebrate with dance and song

Then she became the muse of tragedy

And hid behind a tragic mask

A knife or club in her hand

Creator of beautiful lyrical phrases

Melpomène muse of Horace

DEATH AND TAXES

 

Death and taxes are the only certainties

In a life full of possibilities

Paying Taxes is an unpleasant act

Which I don’t enjoy and that’s a fact

But death is a different proposition

It’s not exactly an option

But I’m not afraid to go

But I fear the manner of it so

STRIKE TWO

 

What would you say to someone?

With two shinning black eyes

Well, I wouldn’t say anything

They’ve clearly been told twice

PROFESSIONAL BLUNDERS

 

The medical profession can always

Bury their mistakes deeply

The legal profession can execute theirs

Finally, and completely

While journalism allow their errors

To be given centre stage

For all the world to see in black and white

Right on the front page

LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 1

 

No matter which road I decide to travel along

Road works have got there before me it seems

I think it’s part of a new government initiative

“The dig up the roads to cause congestion scheme”

WOW YOU SMELL GREAT!

 

“Wow you smell great! what do you have on”?

The young woman asked in her opening gambit

“Well honey” He replied “I actually have a hard on

But I had no idea at all that you could smell it”

PHYSICS QUESTIONS

 

Physicists pose important questions

Beneath the Swiss mountain slopes

With their large Hadron collider

And when for the answers they grope

Is the tool that measures their success

Going to be called a collider scope?

TODAY I SAW TWO BANKERS

 

Today I saw two bankers

Two pin stripe suited wankers

I watched from where I was sitting

As they walked into a building

However, what’s puzzling me a bit

Is why didn’t one of the see it

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 29

 

Little Boy Blue

Come blow your horn,

And I’ll make you a superstar

In the world of porn

PUT DOWN # 28

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he uses the line

“Have you heard we’ve been brought together by cupid”

So just reply to him

“I like you; you remind me of when I was young and stupid.”

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – EUTERPE (MUSE OF LYRICAL POETRY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The fourth was,

The divine Euterpe,

Rejoicing well,

Was firstly the muse of music

Then of Lyrical poetry

A double flute in her hand

Euterpe the Giver of delight

DRIVING RAIN

 

Wiper’s swish

Expelling the rain drops

Heater whirls

Expelling heat to clear the mist

Headlights burn

Expelling darkness and fear

It’s a dirty night

But the doggers will be here

MUSICAL FUSION

 

There’s a new music fad or fashion

A genre of Swedish/Australian fusion

They play Dancing Queen and Waterloo

On the wobble board and the didgeridoo

I don’t know if it will catch on at all

They call the music Abbariginal

A STIFF DRINK

 

Viagra may soon be available in liquid form,

And will assist the flaccid when it’s done

By making it possible for a man to perform

By literally pouring himself a stiff one

DEFYING GRAVITY # 2

With so many treatments for erectile dysfunction

In future there will be a large octogenarian population

Of grandpas with erections to answer grandma’s prayers

Who can’t even remember why they went upstairs

THE FULL ENGLISH

 

I like the full English

When it comes to breakfast

Something substantial

For a satisfaction that will last

None of that continental rubbish

All foreign and nasty

And what’s the deal with a croissant

It’s nothing but an empty pasty

DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE

 

Bimbette was out for a stroll by the river

And was enjoying the walk in the countryside

When she saw Peaches on the opposite bank

“Hi Peachy how do I get to the other side?”

Peaches looked at her with a puzzled expression

“You’re already there silly” she replied

BREATHE THROUGH IT

 

A young woman had a panic attack

A side effect of British Railways

My wife and I went to her aid

But I struggled to avert my gaze

From her heaving chesticles

“Big breaths” my wife instructed her

I was still staring at her puppies, and said

“No, but beautifully pert would-be fare”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 28

 

Doctor Foster

Went to Gloucester

On a railway train

But he got in a muddle

And got off at Bristol

And said “Oh shit not again”

PUT DOWN # 27

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he should say to you

“I could do things to you that you wouldn’t believe”

Simply reply to him

“Really? If I throw a stick, will you leave?'

PLAYING DRESS UP

To surprise her husband and add some spice

She dressed in tight black leather Basque

Six-inch stilettos heels, black stockings

Black garter belt and a leather mask

When he walked through the door he said

“Oi Batman what’s for dinner may I ask”? 

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – ERATO (MUSE OF EROTIC POETRY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The third was,

The divine Erato,

Desired and lovely,

Was the muse of the lyric poets

A golden arrow in her hand

Muse of love verse

And of Erotic poetry

Erato the muse who charms the sight

And inspires love in everybody

ROAD HOGS

 

Some drivers are so selfish

And some are arrogant with it

It seems that when they buy a car

They think the road comes with it

BEACH ETIQUETTE

 

A naked man sunbathing at the beach

In order to preserve his dignity

And protect it from the sun

Placed his hat over his thingamy

 

A passing woman smiled and said

“A gentleman would lift his hat for a lady”

He replied “If you get your kit off

Madam it will raise itself, maybe”

DEFYING GRAVITY # 1

 

With such widespread use of breast implants

There will surely come a time in the next 50 years

When there will be a large octogenarian population

Of confused and befuddled perky breasted grandmas

LUVVAGE

 

My pencil case is in love

But not with a pencil

But with two schoolbags

It must be bi-satchel.

KEEN TO BE GREEN

 

Local authorities’ love recycling

It’s a green policy and its one that wins

They want to reduce the carbon footprint

Of the electorate, for their sins

But if they were truly serious

They’d stop making so many recycling bins

FIGHTING TALK

 

“You’re fighting for a just cause”

That is the justification

“You’ll make the world a safer place”

“You’ll protect your nation”

 

These are the politician’s words

Spoken with passion and pride

Spoken away from the line of fire

Spoken from where warmongers hide

 

Men of empty rhetoric

These politicians never see danger

Safe on their leather seats

They never hear shots fired in anger

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 27

 

Itsy Bitsy spider climbing up the spout

Where all the chemical waste comes out

Now Itsy Bitsy spider isn’t quite the same

And can no longer get in the spout again

PUT DOWN # 26

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he says to you

“What’s going on in that pretty little head honey?”

Just reply to him

“I'm trying to imagine you with a personality”

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – CLIO (MUSE OF HISTORY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The second was,

The divine Clio

The maker of fame,

Was the muse of history

A parchment scroll in her hands

Clio was the proclaimer

A TRIP TO THE FARM

 

When our class

Visited the local farm

We had a lovely day

 

And on the bus home

We sang a song

About our lovely day

 

The sheep go baa

The cows go moo

The ducks go quack

Chickens cock a doodle doo

 

The shepherd says hi

The cowman says hello

Get off that fucking tractor

We hear the farmer bellow

I AM THE WOMAN

 

When a door opens

And a siren enters the room

And every head turns

I am that woman

 

When the siren slinks

And you can hear a pin drop

As the mouths fall open

I am that woman

 

When the wives tut

And girlfriend’s whisper

And men’s eyes undress

I am that woman

 

When a mouth is just another orifice

And conversing eye to eye

Is really eye to breast

I am that woman

 

I am the woman

Oozing sexual desire

I am the woman

Men and women picture naked

I am the woman

They all want to possess

 

When you are valued

For what’s between your legs

Than between your ears

I am that woman

 

When you are called a whore

And treated like a slut

Viewed like a piece of meat

I am that woman

 

They call me tart

They call me siren,

They call me temptress

They call me vamp

 

I want to be called sweetheart

I want to be called darling

I want to be called mum

 

I am the woman

Considered to be desirable

I am the woman

That oozes sexuality

I am the woman

Who can have any man she chooses

I am the woman

Who wants to be chosen

By a man who can see me!

STAND FOR THE KING

 

In Cumalot, Big King Dick

Really lived up to his name

In his kingdom he’d shagged

Every damsel and dame

 

Then one summer morning

With not a cloud in the skies

A terrible thing happened

King Dick failed to rise

 

His Royal Prince was limp

Rung out and pathetically flaccid

His mojo had deserted him

King Dicks libido was dead

 

He called the court physician

Who prepared him an elixir

He called the court sorcerer

Who prepared him a philtre

 

But when cure-all and love potion

Failed to raise the dead

They tried erotic love balms

And sexual salves instead

 

But when these proved nostrum

Failing to raise the dead

The King lost his temper

Ordering the removal of their heads

 

He sent for the Royal love-smiths

The most alluring in the land

The dangerously seductive,

Sultry temptresses took him in hand

 

When the Royal Dick was still limp

They tried something else

Kissing every erogenous point

But this failed to quicken his pulse

 

So, after he’d exhausted his supply

Of all his tarts and bints

He called for the Royal carpenter

To fashion him a splint

 

But this was no real solution

And it merely made him wince

Especially when he got a splinter

In his flaccid little Prince

 

He looked at dirty pictures

And he read erotic literature

He watched his soldiers shagging

He was so desperate for a cure

 

So, when everything had failed him

He took to his bed in disgust

Wouldn’t speak to his courtiers

He just reminisced of his lust

 

Then one day sickness was abroad

And he waited for breakfast in bed

Instead of his hot little maid

A mangy old crone came instead

 

He looked at the warty faced crone

Moving about to and fro

And King Dick felt the stirrings

Of the Royal Prince down below

 

He leapt out of bed and grabbed her

And quickly removed his nightgown

Then he bent the crone over a chair

And the little Prince was crowned

 

From that day on in the kingdom

No crone was safe from his lust

Dirty ugly and warty faced 

The Kings little Prince wasn’t fussed

PHILANDER

 

Flirtation and casual sexual affairs

“Playing away” that is to philander

No sexual conquest is too trivial

A quick blow job or a knee-trembler

DESPERATELY SEEKING TOTTIE

 

In bars and pubs

In joints and clubs

In bawdy brothels

And pervert chapels

In dens of iniquity

You seek promiscuity

Girls of easy virtue

Happy to insert you

WHY DO THEY CALL YOU PRUDISH JUDITH?

 

Hey Jude

I thought you were a prude

Hey Judith

I heard them call you prudish

Are you shy?

Is that the real reason why?

Hey Judith

Is that why they call you prudish?

But damn

When you’ve had a Babycham

Wow Jude

You are no goody two shoes

In fact, Jude

You are really rather crude

No prude

That I am forced to conclude

Jude, I think

That is why you have a drink

As a cure

From being modest and demure

And Jude

When you’re in the mood

To be lewd

You are exceptionally rude

With no prudity

In the manner of your nudity

So, Jude

I am forced to conclude

That Judith

Your prudishness is a myth

THE LIBERTINE

 

The libertine, devotee of the immoral

Master of the sexual conquest

Racks up countless sexual relationships

Because that’s what he does best

A real love them and leave them type

He is only interested in sexual gratification

A libertine just satisfies his appetites

And he doesn’t blame it on a mythical addiction

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 26

 

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,

The cow jumped over the moon.

We just couldn’t wait to have more fun

As we heated some more in a spoon

FRIENDSHIP # 7

You are my friend

Though you are cracked

But I mean that kindly

Because the cracked

Are truly blessed

As it is they who let in the light 

PUT DOWN # 25

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“How would you like your eggs in the morning”?

He might say to you

So just reply to him

“Unfertilized will do” 

ROAD RAGE # 2

 

I hate driving

I hate what it does to me

I strive to be better

And behave courteously

 

But the second

The car door slams

I feel myself change

Into a different man

 

I lose my communication skills

Speaking in gestures

Or coded messages on the horn

That don’t relieve the pressure

 

Driving makes me intolerant

Impatient and aggressive

It makes me angry

Selfish and abusive

 

I hate driving

I hate what it does to me

It fills me with rage

For everything I see

FRIENDSHIP DEFINED

 

The definition of a real friend

Is someone who would never let a girlfriend

Drink to such excess that they will try

To have sex with a very ugly guy

WORKPLACE WOES

 

9 out of 10 women

At my company

Accused me of sexual harassment

And are suing me

And I’m being sued for discrimination

By plain Jane my 10th employee

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – CALLIOPE (MUSE OF EPIC POETRY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The first was,

The divine Calliope,

Beautiful-voiced,

Was the muse of the epic poets

A writing tablet in her hand

Calliope was Homer's muse

Inspiration for the Iliad

Divine influence of the Odyssey

I WISH TO COMPLAIN

 

“I wish to complain” the woman growled

The manager said, “How can I help you”?

“There is a puddle on the bathroom floor

What are you going to do?”

The manager with a smile replied

“I’ll have the maid mop it up for you,

And if it’s any consolation, I have three sons

And there’s always a puddle in our loo”

THE SELFISH GENERATION

 

People are loyal only to themselves

They have no sense of nation today

And put their own self-interest first

“What’s in it for me” is what they say

 

People have many heartfelt opinions

But hardly a one true conviction

When England is once more in peril

This is my sad and sorry prediction

 

There will be no mass rush to volunteer

Conscription will be met with legal scheming

They only way to get them to join up

Will be to drag them kicking and screaming

ALL ABOUT RIGHTS

 

I was staggered with an item

On the news last night

About illegal downloads

And breach of copyright

One proposal is to block offender’s broadband

Which I thought was alright

But apparently this in itself is illegal

As broadband is now a human right

What has become of this country?

What brought us to our plight?

What about the Tolpuddle martyrs?

What of the suffragette’s fight?

What of battle for equality

These are true issues of human right

If King Arthur returned to us

He would turn and take flight

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 25

 

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,

Up hills, down dales with a bullet in the chamber

There I spied you plump and fat in my crosshairs

Then on the dinner table as we were saying prayers

FRIENDSHIP # 6

 

Dearest friends thank you

For being the air that helps me fly

And the net that catches me

You’re the sun in my sky

PUT DOWN # 24

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“I'd die happy, If I could see you naked”

He might well begin

So just reply to him

“If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing”

IN THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY

 

If you are the sort of woman who believes

Life is too short to dance with ugly men

Then you almost certainly believe

It’s too short to have sex with them

Just remember that when you get drunk

There are no ugly men to offend you

And I bet you’ve never bedded an ugly man

But I’m sure you’ve woken up with a few

TAKE A CLOSER LOOK

 

You don’t need expensive binoculars

They’re a waste of money you know

Instead of bringing the object nearer

Stand closer to her bedroom window

DRINKING FROM THE UGLY POND

 

Alcohol was originally invented

So ugly people could have sex too

Because viewed thru beer goggles

Everyone looks beautiful to you

It also serves to add some variety

To the beautiful people’s gene pool

CLEAN SWEEP

 

A clean desk is the sign

Of a sick mind

A clean house is the sign

Of a wasted life

A clean mind is….

Just unnatural

THE BULLDOG BREED

 

The British in the past

Seemed to have more grit

The Londoners of old

Bombarded in the Blitz

Shook their fists in defiance

Such were the plucky Brits

People alive today

Would never stand for it

They’d shout about human rights

And probably serve a writ

URANIA

 

The last mythological muse

Urania, muse of astrology

Foreteller of the future

By the stars array

Dressed in a cloak

Embroidered with stars

Holding a globe in her left hand

Always looking to the heavens

a goddess of universal love

And possessed with the holy spirit

The Renaissance Urania

Was muse to the Christian poets

And still gazed to the heavens

But saw God amongst the stars

CUT FROM DIFFERENT CLOTH

 

My parents were born between the wars,

And in their day

People were cut from different cloth

A sturdy resilient cloth

A cloth that bound the nation together

They were tougher people

Who lived through tough times

The general strike, the depression

The Second World War

20 years of rationing

But life had greater value

Because its pleasures came hard

And life was more than a measure

Of what could be possessed

The post baby boomers

Roll their eyes at such talk

But our country is weaker

And its people

Less sturdy, less resilient

Today we are a ragged nation

Just a collection of frayed threads