FOR MY JOB I DO SHIFT WORK

 

For my job I do shift work

At a publishing place

I have to help a one armed

Typist do upper case

DIFFICULT TO SAY HOW

 

Difficult to say how

She earns a living, for

She sells sea shells

On the sea shore

MY JOB CHOSE ME

My job chose me, unlike

Ordinary work slaves

I became an undertaker

As my name is Phil Graves

A YOUNGER MEMBER OF STAFF

 

A younger member of staff

Caused something of a melee

Having completely misunderstood

The nature of Mufti day

I HAVE BEEN FIRED BY THE BAKERY

 

I have been fired by the bakery

Ten years I worked for them

However losing my job is now

The yeast of my problems

I WORK FOR A COMPANY

 

I work for a company

Supposedly exploring

But if truth be told

It has me snoring

I drill all day for water

And it’s well boring

I USED TO WORK IN A PLANT

 

I used to work in a plant

Specialising in shoe-recycling

And I hated every minute

It was utterly sole-destroying

I GOT THE SACK

 

I got the sack, to my sorrow

But I still have to go in tomorrow

All though I don’t want to enter

I did work at the Job Center

I REALLY HATE MY JOB PASSIONATELY

 

I really hate my job

In fact I have to confess

I hate it with a passion

My boss says I don’t possess

THE NEW OWNERS WERE MEETING STAFF

 

The new owners were meeting staff

Walking around and glad-handing

I said “I'm going to stand outside,

So, if anyone asks, I'm outstanding”

MY SISTER WORKS IN THE IT DEPARTMENT

 

My sister works in the IT department

And got sacked for having dyslexia

Her boss told her to “unzip his files?”

She misunderstood and he sacked her

AN INSECT PACKER

 

He was interviewed for the job

Of an insect packer of bugs and thrips

He answered all the questions

And in the end boxed all the ticks

FOR MANY YEARS HE HADN’T DONE MUCH

 

For many years he hadn’t done much

In the way of work at all

Not that he was physically incapable

He just worked at county hall

I QUIT MY JOB AT THE REFINERY

 

I quit my job at the refinery

In the helium gas zone

It was a good job but I refused

To be spoken to in that tone

I’VE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD LATELY

 

I’ve been working really hard lately

But I’ve got a day off today 

It was nice not having to get up early

And have a snooze day Tuesday

AT WORK IT WAS THE BIRTHDAY

 

At work it was the birthday

Of a colleague that no one can abide

The card we got was perfect for her

Because it was blank inside

I TOLD MY DAD THAT I HAD JOB TEMPING

 I told my dad that I had job temping

Which sent him quite dolalli

“Fifteen years of education” he raged

“To work at a bowling alley”

MY SHADOW WATCHES ME AS I WORK

 

My shadow watches me as I work

And I am thankful for its easy company

Because it means I’m in the sunshine

And it is a constant reminder to me

THE RECRUITMENT CONSULTANT ASKED ME

 

The recruitment consultant asked me

“What do you think of voluntary work”?

“To be honest with you I wouldn't do it

If you paid me” I replied with a smirk

BUSINESS CONVENTIONS ARE IMPORTANT

Business conventions are important

They demonstrate without a doubt

Exactly how many employees that

A company can operate without