CHRISTMAS IS FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

 

Christmas is for friends and family,

But by no means exclusively

After all the Three Wise Men

Were strangers in Bethlehem

IF YOU ARE A LOVER OF PUNS

 

If you are a lover of puns

Then on shrove Tuesday

There is only one conclusion

And that that its pun-cake day

IS IT PANCAKE DAY ALREADY?

 

Is it Pancake Day

Already? Oh dear

It’s really crêped up

On me this year

THE ORIGINS OF FAT TUESDAY

 

The origins of Fat Tuesday

Are Anglican and Catholic

But in our town Fat Tuesday

Is an overweight biker chic

THERE IS A VERY DISTINCT DIFFERENCE

 

There is a very distinct difference

Between Mardi Gras and Fat Tuesday

The former is an all-night party and

You wake up with the latter the next day

NO MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE

 There is a famous quote about God

Not giving you more than you can handle

Well there are times that I just wish

He didn't have quite so much faith in me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 429

 

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's what little girls are made of?

Well try to remember that the next time

Your holding her hair while she throwing up

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER WAISTCOAT?

 

Are you wearing an Easter waistcoat?

Oh yes it’s a real crowd pleaser

Though perhaps not ecclesiastical

It makes you look like a geezer

THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 1

 

The best Easter actor of all time

Is something of an acting hero

And there can only be one winner

And that would be Rabbit De Niro

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER TIE?

 

Are you wearing an Easter tie?

Well, my next question is why?

Because although it’s not unpleasant

You don’t have to wear a present

THE EASTER EGG DIDN’T CROSS THE ROAD

 

The Easter Egg didn’t cross the road

And the reason for that I bet

Is quite simple and can only be

Because he wasn't a chicken yet

THE ONLY WAY THE EASTER BUNNY # 2

 

The only way the Easter Bunny

Can decorate eggs in time for Easter

Is to paint them all, otherwise

They would have to use wallpaper

ARE YOU WEARING EASTER SPATS?

 

Are you wearing Easter spats?

To walk in the Easter Parade

Well, you’re a century out of fashion

If you give or take a decade

EASTER LILY VINE

 

The Easter Lily vine

Likes to entwine

This woody Evergreen

With leaves of glossy sheen

The flowers are a showy sight

Of trumpet-shaped fragrant white

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER TOP?

 

Are you wearing an Easter Top?

Well, I very much like what I see

Because there isn’t very much of it

And the contents are bursting free

ARE YOU WEARING EASTER ANKLE SOCKS?

 

Are you wearing Easter ankle socks?

Well, they’re right on the money

They’re perfect for the Easter Parade

And you look as cute as a bunny

THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 3

 

The best Easter actor of all time

Well maybe not but bear with me

So, for this exercise he’s the winner

And Cluck Norris that would be

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 428

 

Three blind mice? Three blind mice?

Avoiding my baited traps, every single one

Visually impaired, see how they run,

Thumbing their noses when all said and done

MY SON WAS A MASTER EASTER EGG HUNTER

 

My son was a master Easter Egg Hunter

From the time he was a few years old

And had it become an Olympic event,

He would have easily have won the Gold

ARE YOU WEARING BUNNY EARS?

 

Are you wearing bunny ears?

I’m glad you gave them a whirl

I think they really suit you

Will you be my bunny girl?