MY SISTER IS A GIANT IN JOURNALISM

 

My sister is a giant in journalism

And her prowess is eternal

Standing over six feet high

She’s on the Tall Street Journal

IN THE ITV NEWSROOM

 

In the ITV Newsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

IN THE CHANNEL 4 NEWSROOM

 

In the C4 Newsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

IN THE SKY NEWSROOM

 

In the SKY Newsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

IN THE GBNEWSROOM

 

In the GBNewsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

PROFESSIONAL BLUNDERS

 

The medical profession can always

Bury their mistakes deeply

The legal profession can execute theirs

Finally, and completely

While journalism allow their errors

To be given centre stage

For all the world to see in black and white

Right on the front page

IN THE BBC NEWSROOM

 

In the BBC Newsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

PARKY

 

It’s the end of an era now Michael Parkinson has retired; he was the last of his kind, a special breed.

The last of great chat show host and a master of his craft, who considered a great interview to be one where he had to say very little.

Now alas we have comedians sitting in the hosts chair trying to fill his shoes.

Skinner and Norton and others of their ilk who think they’re at a gig and the guests are merely an extension of their audience.

The worst of all is Jonathon Ross who thinks himself the star and his guests are the supporting cast with whom he can manipulate the conversation to the point where he can use a pre-planned gag.

When he does stop performing his act and using his guests as the stooges to bounce his gags off and finally asks a question, he invariably answers the question as well normally with another tedious gag.

By the time, the interview is over you know no more about the guest than you did before it started.

But it’s not just comedians of course who have tried and failed Clive James, Clive Anderson, pop stars, politicians, royals, socialites you name them they’ve all tried it and the end result is always the same. Hosts who are more interested in what they have to say than their guests in short people with big egos only interested in self-promotion.

The guests themselves don’t help the situation as they are only there because their production company, recording co, publishing co etc. want them to publicize their latest project or product.

So now all the great interviewers have gone, and we must mourn the lost art of interviewing because none of the younger exponents have bothered to learn the craft from Michael Parkinson’s example.

DON’T QUOTE ME

 

Remember Misquotations are

The only quotations thus far

And it should be duly noted

That are never ever misquoted

TAKE ME TO CUBA

 

There was once this terrorist group

Some obscure fundamentalist troop

Who hijacked one of the Jumbo fleet

With a Journalist in every single seat

They made their demands right away

And if they weren’t met without delay

They threatened police in the tower

To release one Journalist every hour

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT

 

If you are arrested for being violent

You have the right to remain silent

If you are dealing with the gutter press

You still have the same rights I guess

Anything you do say, however true

Will be misquoted and used against you

ONE IN A MILLION

 

A journalist is exactly like a Sperm

I can hear you disagreeing

Both have a one in a million chance

Of becoming a human being