They first met on a special Christmas Eve
And chemistry sparked between the two
When passions fires were truly quenched
He asked before bidding her a fond adieu
“What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?”
She replied “oh I’m definitely doing you”
Friday 31 December 2021
THEY FIRST MET ON A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EVE
NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 3
I was divorced from my wife
Due to my serial
infidelity
And found myself in
bed
With a girl called
Felicity
It was on New Year’s
Day
When she asked me
“Did you make a
resolution?
What was it? Go on
tell me”
I replied “Not to be
unfaithful
Ever again to my
chosen mate”
“How’s that going?”
she asked
“Ask me after our
second date”
THE YEAR IS TURNING
The year is turning, the cycle
Has made another
revolution
It’s time once more to
make
The obligatory
resolution
Which is broken within
days
But this year I have a
solution
In order to make it
last
I will not make a
resolution
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 343
Hot cross buns!
Hot cross buns!
I don’t care if they’re
One a penny,
Its only January
FROM ONE YEAR TO THE NEXT
I want to kiss you
On December 31st
Before the clock
strikes twelve
Until the last chime
Echoes in the night
Of January the first
So one year will come
to an end
In the most amazing
way
And the next will have
A beautiful beginning
DRY JANUARY
A month without alcohol
Isn’t what makes
January dry
What does, is sex
without foreplay
Or indeed the use of
KY
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE SOMETHING
New Year's resolutions are something
That go over the head
of my brother
He just doesn’t seem
to grasp their import
So they go in one year
and out the other
IT’S SUCH A MILD NEW YEAR
It’s such a mild New Year
All the birds are
singing noisily
Noisy little bastards
Should be frozen to a
tree
MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION
My New Year’s resolution
And my reasoning is sound
And that is to get in shape,
In the end, I chose round
I HATE JANUARY
I hate January
January, I do not
enjoy
It has no pleasure
It has no joy
Christmas is over
All the money has gone
5 weeks till payday
January is wrong
I love December
December has it all
December is the time
To have a ball
In fact December
Has to much fun
And not enough time
To get it all done
The Festivities
Leave us in a daze
There is too much
For 31 days
So the solution
Is a simple one
I can’t believe
It hasn’t been done
Get rid of January
No one likes it
Have two Decembers
Then everything will
fit
JANUARY BLUES
I hate the month of January
Every single day from New Years day
To the 31st day
I hate the month of January
With every fibre of my being
You may say it’s just the January blues
That colours my views
But it’s much deeper than that.
It’s always such a long depressing month
With dreary weather and miserable people
It’s the inevitable aftermath
That follows a joyful Christmas
Its going back to work to the same depressing
job
You so happily left behind you on Christmas
Eve
It’s the empty bank account
And the look ahead at the five long weeks
till payday
Its New Years resolutions and not keeping
them
I hate the month of January
From day one, new years day
With it’s reminder of things to come
Another bloody awful year ahead
January fills me with dread
Wednesday 29 December 2021
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS LOVE STORY (2012)
Family friends Sam Reed (Dustin Milligan) and Kat Patton (Danica McKellar) spend every Christmas Eve at the Children's Table from the age of three.
Over the years they grew up together, sharing the highs and lows of
young adulthood.
But at the age of thirty, Sam realizes that Kat is the one...but he's
afraid that the past will get in the way.
A real gem of a Christmas movie and Danica McKellar is an absolute
delight.
WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES
When the clock strikes
The
midnight hour
One year
ends
And another
begins
With an
explosion
Of
pyrotechnic splendour
Lavishly
ostentatious
Many
thousands of pounds
Up in smoke
Is it
really worth it?
Would it
not be better spent?
On the
homeless
And the
lost
And so
begin a new year
With new
hope
NEW YEARS PICKUP # 1
When you’re on the pull
If you want
to break the ice
Say
something funny
Or say
something nice
Be
complimentary
Or just lie
in your endeavour
Be
devastatingly witty
Or say
something clever
On New
Year’s Eve
Before the
bells begin to clang
Ask her if
she wants to
Ring in the
New Year with a bang?
A LITTLE GIRL’S WARNING
A little girl watched her dad dress for a party.
And then she gave her dad a warning
“Daddy, you shouldn't wear that dinner suit”
He asked, “why not?” his curiosity dawning
“Because you know that it always gives
You a bad headache the next morning”
NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 1
I was separated from my wife
Due to my serial infidelity
And found myself in bed again
With her best friend Felicity
It was on New Year’s Day
And Felicity asked me
“Did you make a resolution?
What was it? Go on tell me”
I replied “Not to be unfaithful
Ever again to my wife Pru”
As she climbed onto me she asked
“How’s that working out for you?”
NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 2
I made a New Year’s resolution
To stop having one-night stands
Which would be easier to do
If second dates were in my plans
THIS YEAR’S NEW YEAR’S EVE FORECAST:
This year’s New Year’s Eve forecast:
A row with the girlfriend, acute loneliness
Followed by being mostly drunk with
A very slight chance of unconsciousness
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE JUST
New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other
MY ONLY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
My only New Year's resolution
Is to be
more optimistic next year
By keeping
my cup half-full
With either vodka, whiskey, or beer
NEW YEAR’S EVE IS ONE OF THE FEW
New Year’s Eve is one of the few
Acceptable
times to wear body glitter
When you
have a reasonable expectation
Of not
being mistaken for a stripper
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION THIS YEAR
My New Year's resolution this year
Is
hopefully an antidote to future resolutions
And to rid
myself of the annual angst
I have come
up with a simple solution
Which is to
stop hanging out with people
Who ask me
for my New Year's resolutions
OLD YEARS NIGHT
My wife is an optimist
Which is why, she stays up
On New Year’s Eve
To see in the new one
I am by nature a pessimist
Which means, that I stay up
On New Year’s Eve
To make sure the old one has gone
NEW RESOLVE
My New Year resolution
Was to find
a solution
To my
misshapen figure
And lack of
vim and vigour
Though
feeling rather grim
I signed up
for the gym
First came
the orientation
And
equipment demonstration
I was told
of suitable clothes
Something
loose that flows
I said “the
reason or the point
Of me being
in this joint
And why I
signed up tonight
Is all my
clothes are tight”
IF YOU WERE BORN IN LATE SEPTEMBER
If you were born in late September,
The bells
should definitely start to clang
As it’s
pretty safe to assume that your folks
Started out
the New Year with a Bang
RATHER THAN MAKE A POINTLESS RESOLUTIONS
Rather than make a pointless resolution
I will make
a wish for those I hold dear
May you
always have all that you need
NEW YEAR’S EVE FANCY DRESS
My friend asked me
What I was
going to be
For New
Year’s Eve
I said
“Drunk will do me”
NEW YEARS IS JUST AN EXCUSE
New Years is just an excuse
For girls
to dress inappropriately
And that’s
why New Years
Is the best
holiday for me
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS CAROL (2009)
Jim Carrey stars as miser Ebenezer Scrooge in this animate retelling of Charles Dickens' “A Christmas Carol”.
The classic
tale in which he is taught the true meaning of Christmas by three Spirits who
visit him, revealing to him the truth about his own miserable existence,
what opportunities he wasted in his youth, his current catalogue of cruelties,
and the dire fate that awaits him if he does not change his ways.
Scrooge is faced with his own story of growing bitterness and meanness,
and must decide what his own future will hold, death or redemption.
The film also features the vocal talents of Steve Valentine, Daryl
Sabara, Sage Ryan, Amber Gainey, Ryan Ochoa, Bobbi Page, Ron Bottitta, Sammi
Hanratty, Julian Holloway, Gary Oldman, Colin firth, Cary Elwes, Robin Wright,
Molly C Quinn, Fay Masterson, Leslie Zemeckis, Paul Blackthorne, Michael
Hyland, Kerry Hoyt, Julene Renee, Fionnula Flanagan, Raymond Ochoa, Callum
Blue, Matthew Henderson, Aaron Ranke, Sonie Fortag, Aliane Baquerot, Seth
Belliston, Troy Edward Bowles, Sam J Cahn, Kelly Connolly,
John R Corella, Kelly Crandall, Sheri Griffith, Beckie King, Keith Kuhl,
Allison Leo, Tarah Paige, John Todd, Patrick Wetzel. Eva La Dare, Jacquelyn
Dowsett and Suzanne C Robertson.
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS DRESS?
Are you wearing a Christmas Dress?
The big red
ribbon is particularly pleasant
I’m itching
to pull at that bow
So, when do
I get to open my present
MY FAVOURITE THINGS AT XMAS # 4
The reindeer that fly like the birds on the wing
Santa Claus commanding with his gifts to
bring
Joy bringing Caroler’s with songs to sing
These are a few of my favourite things
THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST
On the north winds they come
Blown in on
Decembers icy blast
Unwelcome
visitors come calling
The ghosts
of Christmas past
Creeping in
with happier memories
Standing
out in stark contrast
Sad
memories best forgotten
The ghosts
of Christmas past
CHRISTMAS IS OUR FAVOURITE CELEBRATION
Christmas is our favourite celebration
In fact it
is the most special occasion
A time to
express what is in our hearts
The moment
the festive season starts
For we have
the most heartfelt wish
For those
whose love we truly cherish.
ARE YOU SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER?
Are you Santa’s little helper?
Well you’re a proper little belter
I love the little pixie boots
And the red velvet dress really suits
The Santa hat looks very smart
The stripy stockings stir the heart
And I’d like to see your garters
But give me a kiss for starters
AT THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BINGE
Well at the end of the year
Its managements’ biggest fear
That staff should infringe
At the
annual Christmas Binge
After
spiking the fruit punch
In the canteen
after lunch
Their
totally off their hinge
At the
annual Christmas Binge
The amount
of alcohol downed
As many a
sorrow was drowned
Made the
accountant whinge
At the
annual Christmas Binge
The extent
of the revelling
Was quite
frankly bedevilling
Enough for
his beard to singe
At the
annual Christmas Binge
The things
that a little party ho
Did beneath
the mistletoe
Would make
a puritan cringe
At the
annual Christmas Binge
Karen from
reception bless her
Botox-ed
her face with vodka
With a catering syringe
At the
annual Christmas Binge
The level of fraternization
Was quite a revelation
And caused a few backs to twinge
At the
annual Christmas Binge
You may well be forgiven
After the events which had arisen
That it was the lunatic fringe
At their
annual Christmas Binge
Next day when the party was over
Everyone suffered from a hangover
And all took on an earthy tinge
ELF PRINCESS
I will be your elf princess
And I will
be forever yours
So put on
the red suit
And be my
Santa Claus
FLAWLESS
You are fat and round
And your
trousers are tight
Your nose
is quite red
And your
beard is white
Now all of
the above
Might be
considered flaws
But they’re
not to me
As you are my Santa Claus
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS TOP?
Are you wearing a Christmas Top?
Well, I
very much like what I see
Because
there isn’t very much of it
Tuesday 28 December 2021
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – TRUMAN CAPOTE’S ONE CHRISTMAS
Based on an autobiographical short story by Truman Capote, this story is about Buddy (T.J. Lowther), an 8-year old boy who leaves Alabama in 1930 to go and live with his father (Henry Winkler) in New Orleans, and has a terrible time while he is there.
His father is a con man trying to raise money for his latest get rich quick
scheme and prays on wealthy middle-aged women flattering his way into their
cheque books and one of those frustrating his plans is matriarch Cornelia
Beaumont (Katharine Hepburn) and as he faces one setback after another there is
an uneasy relationship between father and son.
Henry Winkler puts in a fine dramatic performance, as he ranged from
loving father to con man, to angry and misunderstood outsider, Katharine
Hepburn is a touch of class in her final performance and a brief appearance
from Julie Harris is a glimmer of light.
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS HAT?
Are you wearing a Christmas Hat?
Sitting so
perfectly on your head
A gorgeous
little tit for tat
White
trimmed and crimson red
CHRISTMAS COMPLIMENT
As I was basting the bird
A thought,
to me occurred
It was only
at this time of peace
That Turkey
and Greece,
As with hot
fat you smother,
Complement
each other
CHRISTMAS IS THE PERFECT TIME
Christmas is the perfect time
For the
perfect Christmas rhyme
So, when
the bells of Christmas chime
I JUST OPENED MY PRESENT
My old aunt just popped round
With a
Christmas gift for me
It wasn’t
what I was expecting
It was a
tweedy dye Mankini
“I hope
it’s the one you wanted”
I didn’t
know what to say really
I couldn’t
understand it
I asked for
a CD by Mancini
CHRISTMAS GATEAU
It is time for me to make
My most
special Christmas cake
The only
thing you need to start
Is the most
joyous open heart
Then add by
the pound
All the
love that can be found
Delightful
festive merriments
And simple
humble ingredients
Thankfulness
and Gratitude
Lashings of
positive attitude
Laced with
Christmas cheer
And a cup
of Christmas beer
An
abundance of good wishes
With lots
of hugs and kisses
Not
forgetting laughter and fun
Enough to
serve everyone
And to
complete my Gateau
I garnish
with sprigs of mistletoe
BRANDISHING YOUR MISTLETOE
It’s Christmas Eve so off you go
Start
brandishing your mistletoe
March off
purposely through the snow
To find
yourself a Christmas ho
DEAR SWEET CINDERELLA
Dear sweet Cinderella
Does no one
love you at all?
Is that the
real reason?
You’re not
going to the ball
Or is there
another reason
Are you
just too sweet?
Just simply
too demure
To be given
such a treat
If your
morals were looser
You would
gain a reputation
And you
would be asked
Without any
hesitation
A stain on
your character
Will show
blacker than cinders
And you
will go to the ball
And have a ball dear Sin-ders
WHEN CHRISTMAS WEARS ITS TINSELLED GOWN
When Christmas wears its tinselled gown
Joy fills
the streets around the town
We must
banish those who wear a frown
As we
celebrate the King with the holy crown
I DON’T WANT TO WISH YOU
I don’t want to wish you
A happy
holiday
No, that I
will not say
I’m not
going to wish you
A happy
yuletide
No, that I
will not abide
I’m not
going to wish you
A happy
festive period,
No and the
reasons are myriad
I’m not
going to wish you
A happy
winter festival
No, that
isn’t suitable
I’m going
to wish to you
A very
happy Christmas
So have a
very Happy Christmas
IT’S ONE OF LIFE’S INEVITABILITIES
It’s one of life’s inevitabilities that there will
Definitely come a time in every family residence
A moment when the children notice that Santa
Uses the same wrapping paper as their parents
Monday 27 December 2021
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SANTA JR
Santa's son (Nick Stabile) tries to follow in his father's footsteps, and anxious to prove his worth, he decides to clamber down a few chimneys just prior to Christmas Eve.
Alas, his efforts coincide with a string of burglaries, and Nick is
promptly arrested by cops Daryl Bedford (Judd Nelson) and Norm Potter (George
Wallace).
So although he was delivering toys, he is arrested for trespassing and
is placed under house arrest.
As Nick frets away the hours before Christmas, Bedford grows attached to
Nick's court-appointed attorney, Susan Flynn (Lauren Holly) -- and inevitably,
the real burglar strikes again.
ARE YOU WEARING A FESTIVE JUMPER?
Are you wearing a Festive Jumper?
Well, its
contents are rather bumper
It’s an
interesting design you chose
I particularly like Rudolph’s nose
THEY ARE THE THREE KINGS
There are three things
That
Christmas brings
They are
the three kings
Trimming and dec-king
Gratefully
than-king,
And memory
ma-king,
SO WHEN YOUNG MRS CLAUS ARRIVED IN TOWN
So when young Mrs Claus arrived in town
I looked at
her with her pure white hair
She was a
pretty woman but to my discredit
I couldn’t
help thinking as I looked at her
How I like
the collar and cuffs to match
So
obviously I was thinking of a little white fur
IT’S THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS DO
It’s the office Christmas do
So let’s
have a tipple or two
We can
drink the Spanish sherry
We can
drink until we’re merry
Then into
an office we’ll stumble
And we’ll
have a Christmas fumble
SANTA AND HIS LITTLE ELF
Santa and his little Elf
Have been dismissed
For activities undertaken
When they were pissed
That got both of them
Put on the naughty list
CHRISTMAS SWEATER
My sister in law
Fills a
sweater well
I think
she’s rather hot
The truth
to tell
For
Christmas
I bought
for her
A button
fronted
Lambs wool
sweater
I want to
see her in it
I just
can’t wait
She has a
figure
To really
fascinate
It has ten
buttons
It’ll be a
tight fit
Very figure
hugging
That’s how
I like it
She has
breasts
Quite first
rate
She has
curves
That really
titillate
She has a
figure
To really
fascinate
Of the ten
buttons
MERRY CHRISTMAS HO HO HO
Merry Christmas Ho Ho Ho
Is Santa’s motto
And Santa thought that
He’d won the lotto
When he scored big
With three girls so hot-o
They were doing things
In Santa’s grotto
That Santa’s and Elves
Should definitely not-o
But merry Christmas
Ho Ho Ho is his motto
SANTA AND ELFIE
Santa and Elfie
Were caught
in the buff
At it in
the grotto,
Santa and his bit of stuff
The store
manager
Decided to
get tough
And sacked
them
Saying
enough was enough
Now Santa’s
not jolly
In fact
he’s quite gruff
As Santa’s
little helper
Is now up
the duff
Sunday 26 December 2021
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – A CHRISTMAS HERO
Firefighter Jenny Jenkins (Anna Hutchison) falls in love with local star Tom Norris (Marcus Rosner) but his ex-wife and celebrity figure skating champion Mary Hamilton (Anita Brown) is asking him to choose between reconciling or going through an ugly custody battle, but she has an ulterior motive.
But Jenny’s natural warmth and kindness to the community starts to
convince everybody that her love for Tom is real however Mary's fierceness is
more powerful than anything Jenny has ever faced before so who will Tom choose
in the end?
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS JUMPER?
Are you wearing a Christmas Jumper?
Well, its
contents look rather bumper
The
flashing lights I should mention
Are not
needed to attract my attention
SINGLE GIRLS
(Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Single
girls, single girls
They go all
the way
Oh! what fun it is to ride
On a single
girl today
CHRISTMAS CARD SELECTION
I bought a bumper selection
Of
Christmas cards today
One hundred
assorted cards
A real
bargain I would say
But not a
shepherd or angel
Nor a
stable, a star or a king
Not a holy
word of praise
No Jesus,
no God not a thing
I told my
wife of my disgust
She said
not to make a fuss
But they
had managed to take
Christ out
of Christmas
BOXING DAY MORNING
If you wake up and feel like hell,
And if you really feel quite unwell
Then that
is the best way for you to tell
That you
really did Christmas well
CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY
Well, I think it has happened
It is my
darkest fear
Christmas
is getting earlier
Each and
every year
When I was
at the mall today
I heard
Bing Crosby croon
“White
Christmas”
And it’s still
only June
CHRISTMAS OVER INDULGENCE
There isn’t any doubt or question
What caused
this awful indigestion
It wasn’t
the five-course lunch
Or all the
sweets we had to munch
It wasn’t
the Lager the Stout or the Shandy
It wasn’t
the Wine the Scotch or the Brandy
No the
culprit without any doubts
Was the
obligatory spoonful of sprouts
WHEN THE GIFTS HAVE ALL BEEN OPENED
When the gifts have all been opened
And the
season starts to wane
When
December days have passed by
And a New
Year starts again
Let’s pack
away the decorations
But let the
love and peace remain
THE CROWDS ARE BUSTLING
The crowds are bustling
On the busy
Christmas streets
The throng
is blustering
In search
of Christmas treats
Tills are
ringing out their Christmas song
In the markets
and the shopping mall
Everyone
gets a piece of the action
Street
traders, vendors, buskers and all
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MERRY CHRISTMAS
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
I hear the bell chimes
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
The best of
all times
Merry
Christmas, Merry Christmas,
The old and
the new
Merry
Christmas, Merry Christmas,
Merry
Christmas to you
RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO
Ruby the red nosed bimbo
Had
a very strawberry nose
And
if you ever saw her
You
would even say it glows
All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names.
They never let poor Ruby
Join in any bimbo games.
Then one lonely Christmas Eve
Someone came to play:
Ruby with your nose so bright
Let
me grab your tits tonight
Then all the fellas loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Ruby the red-nosed bimbo
Saturday 25 December 2021
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – SANTA’S SECRET
A single mom, Nicky Talbot (Alicia Witt) is going from door to door to find a job and boost her finances but without success.
Then a
friend tells her that a big store is hiring so she goes along and gets a
holiday job at Cartwright’s department store but not as floor staff, she gets
the job as Santa Claus in the grotto.
This was
achieved when an angel, Harry Osbourne (Wallace Shawn) entered her life and
brought about some positive changes, including the spark of a new romance.
She of
course was unaware that he was an angel and she thought he was from corporate.
Her head
elf in the grotto was Peg (Linda Kash) and she thought Nicky was wonderful in
fact everyone loved Santa Nick, except the evil Fiona Aldrich (Gabrielle
Miller) who was her boss.
Nicky’s
daughter Becky (T.J. McGibbon) is cute without being precocious and the love
interest is supplied very ably by department head Bill (Gabriel Hogan) and her
landlady Mrs. Rositani is played by the excellent Jayne Eastwood.
This is a
great film, believable yet magical and any Christmas film with an Angel in it
gets my vote.
ARE YOU WEARING A FESTIVE SWEATER?
Are you wearing a festive sweater?
Well, this
season just keeps on getting better
And you
really don’t need a bigger size
A more
perfect fit would be hard to devise
A CAROL FOR THE 21ST CENTURY – WE THREE KINGS
We three Kings of Orient are,
Bearing gifts we traverse afar,
Beer and liqueur
CD and
voucher
MARY CHRISTMAS
Before Mary Christmas
Married
Santa Claus
She had some
concerns
And decided
to take pause
To discuss
a pre-nup
Within the
current laws
She was not
concerned
With any
character flaws
She just
wanted the security
Of a get
out Claus
DINGLE DELL
(Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Dingle
dell, Fairies dwell
The Elves
and Pixies play
Oh! what fun it is to hide
When hide
and seek we play
CHRISTMAS FELICITATIONS
Merry Christmas,
Good will to all men,
The festive
season
Is with us
once again,
The special
holy day
Is growing
very near
So Merry Christmas
And a Happy
New Year
TOO MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made too merry yesterday
I had a
splendid day
In
Christmas celebration
I indulged
in every way
But now my
head is splitting
The morning
after the play
So I will
nurse my head
For all of
Boxing Day
COLD CHRISTMAS
I can’t believe you did it
How
typically bold
Dumping me
at Christmas
How awfully
cold
Still on
the bright side
I won’t
have to strain and heave
Rushing to
find a gift
For you on
Christmas Eve
I won’t
spend the season
Living like
a monk
I’ll be
very merry
If not
drunk as a skunk
But I can’t
believe you did it
It’s a
really shitty thing to do
Dumping me
at Christmas
How typical
of you
It’s
probably for the best
So, I won’t
shed a tear
Have a merry
Christmas
And a
really shit New Year
CHRISTMAS INDULGENCE
We spend the day
Eating more
than we should
Turkey and
trimmings
And rich
Christmas pud
Mince pies
and cream
Great
petite fours
Pretzels
and nuts
Wines and
liqueurs
Cookies and
marzipan
Chocolate
Yule log
Rich
Christmas cake
And creamy
eggnog
Chocolate
Orange
Chocolate Brazil’s
Hot Bombay
mix
Twiglets
and Pringles
Sweet,
candied fruits
Sugar
coated almonds
Cold turkey
sandwich,
Till I’m
suitably rotund
DEPARTMENT STORE SANTA
Against my better judgement
I took my
young son to the store
And we
queued up for an hour
So, he
could see Santa Claus
The grotto
was cheap and nasty
It was a
terrible site to behold
I thought
the whole thing a rip off
And my son
thought he was too old
Santa’s
little helper was pregnant
The head
Elf was high as a kite
But I
thought if we stayed in line
Everything
would turn out alright
Well, he
climbed onto Santa’s lap
To tell him
his Christmas wish
But Santa
smelled of whisky
And his
trousers smelled of piss
It was
about making memories
Well,
according to my wife
But instead
of a memorable visit
I think we scarred him for life
IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS CHRISTMAS
If only your left leg was Christmas
And your
right leg was New Year’s Day
Then I
could devote all of my time
Thursday 23 December 2021
THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS COMES HOME TO CANAAN
In the Texas town of Canaan, Daniel Burton (Billy Ray Cyrus) finds that his son Bobber (Liam James) needs extensive orthopaedic surgery and months of intensive physical therapy to recover as a result of being run down by a car.
Fortunately help is at hand in the form of Rodney Freeman (Matt Ward),
the young black man who Daniel took into his home and raised as his own son,
who has become a famous writer and he immediately offers to fly Daniel and
Bobber to San Francisco and to pay for the surgery.
Once in San Francisco, Daniel meets and falls for Briony Adair (Gina
Holden), a physical rehabilitation specialist who will be working toward
Bobber's recovery but when the therapy progresses slowly, Bobber invites Briony
to come home to Canaan to spend Christmas with the Burtons and continue his
treatment.
Briony accepts the offer and is welcomed by the family all except Sarah
(Emily Tennant), Daniel's daughter who distances herself because she doesn’t
want to dishonour her late mother's memory.
But Daniel and Briony try to rise above it but a disastrous Christmas
ensues and drives them apart.
So, in the soul searching that follows, will Daniel find the strength to
open his heart again and invite love back into his life or will he settle for
the status quo.
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