MY GIRLFRIEND WAS SACKED AS A MODEL

 

My girlfriend was sacked as a model

Because her popularity decreased

She was actually an underwear model

So she was more accurately, debriefed

WE ALL HAVE A SKELETON

 

Let’s be honest we all have

A skeleton in the cupboard, or two

But some people let theirs

Walk the catwalk for the public to view

REAR PROPORTIONS

Bimbette said “Tell me Peachy, do

These jeans make my bum look big?”

“Truthfully?” Peaches replied 

“Your bum makes the jeans look big”

ARE YOU WEARING A DIADEM?

 

Are you wearing a diadem?

Why are you some kind of princess?

No, you actually have to be royalty

Not just daddy’s little princess

I MADE MY GIRL BIMBETTE

 

I made my girl Bimbette

Really laugh on Saturday

The only problem is I told

Her the joke on Wednesday

BIMBETTE SAYS SHE CAN COUNT TO SEVENTY

 

Bimbette says she can count to seventy

But I think that’s very doubtful

Because in my experience she always

Finds sixty-nine a bit of a mouthful

THE SEX WAS SO GOOD LAST NIGHT

 

The sex was so good last night

With my girlfriend Bimbette

That after it was over even

The neighbours had a cigarette.

BIMBETTE IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST

 

Bimbette is not the brightest

And living with her is very hard

In fact, she’s the reason

The gene pool needs a lifeguard

PICTURE HOUSE MODE

 

Bimbette and Peaches

Plus seventeen friends

All went to the cinema

 

At the booking office

The girl enquired

“Blimey why so many of yer?”

 

Bimbette said in reply

“Coz the advert says

18 or over."

MAYDAY MODE

 

"Mayday, Mayday. SOS, Mayday

My pilot has had a heart attack and died

Can anybody out there hear me?”

The panicky blonde passenger cried

 

Suddenly a voice comes over the radio

And spoke with reassuring charm

“Just relax; I’m going to talk you down

But it’s important that you stay calm”

 

“Just give me your height and position

And then we’ll get you down from there”
“Well if you really need to know I'm 5'1"

And I'm sitting in the pilot’s chair."

 

The radio went silent like for a moment

As if they’d gone completely off the air

Then the voice from the tower returned

“Do you know the Lords prayer?”

MENOPAUSAL MODE

 

Bimbette went home to see her mum

And found her acting quite funny

She was sat on the dining room floor

And appeared to be counting her money

 

But it was all coins of copper and silver

Then she started crying which was strange

Having never seen her like this, she asked

"Mum, are you going through the change?"

SHAMPOO MODUS

 

Bimbette was in the bathroom

And Clair shouted up to her

“You can use my shampoo

If you want to wash your hair”

And Bimbette shouted back

“Thanks, but I can’t use it Clair,

It says it’s only for dry hair

And mine is wet to be fair”

REVERSE MODE

 

Top super model Bimbette,

It has been disclosed

Has lost her crown

The model has been deposed

 

THE MEASURE OF A MAN

 

Bimbette and Peaches were standing by a flagpole,

Looking up at it in a rather puzzled way

When they were asked what they were doing

By a pleasant young man passing their way

 

“We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole

But we don't have a ladder” Said Bimbette with a frown

The young man took a spanner from his pocket

Loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down

He then took a tape measure from his other pocket,

Took a few measurements, and said it was 18 feet

Then he returned the flagpole to its previous condition

And strode off confidently down the street

Bimbette said “How like a man!! give me strength,

You ask him for the height, and he gives you the length

CATWALK STRUT

 

She strutted down the catwalk

In an outfit to make the critics talk

It was called simply “Iridescence”

And had a lustrous, brilliant appearance

Her outfit was called the wonder of the age

I think I’d prefer something in beige

TUESDAY’S GIRL

 

Tuesday’s girl

Gracefully elegant

Slender and lithe

In form and movement

Struts the catwalk

For an outrageous payment

STAY, STAY, STAY

 

Conscious of the danger to an animal

Being left inside a parked car

A woman opened the car window

So, her puppy could get some air

But the little pup saw the open window

As a route to escape the car

And the woman had to stop

Before she had got very far

She stood and pointed at the dog

Firmly saying stay, stay, stay

A woman of the blonde persuasion

Was watching her from some distance away

But she had to keep repeating it

Until she felt it safe to go

The blonde woman shouted to her

“You can use the hand brake you know”

DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE

 

Bimbette was out for a stroll by the river

And was enjoying the walk in the countryside

When she saw Peaches on the opposite bank

“Hi Peachy how do I get to the other side?”

Peaches looked at her with a puzzled expression

“You’re already there silly” she replied

FURTHER BLONDES

 

One night

Bimbette asked her friend

"Which do you think is farther 

Florida or the moon?"

Peaches replied

"Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?"

CHANGING MODE

Fed up with blonde jokes

Bimbette and Peachy, her chum

Decided to dye their hair

They are now both platinum