TIM VINE STARTS BY SHOUTING

 

Tim Vine starts by shouting

The chimney puns out

He’s got a stack of them

The first one is on the house

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 9

 

I’m something of a joker

But being a comic is tough

I have a microbiology joke,

But it’s not cultured enough

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 8

 

I’m something of a joker

In fact I’m really comical

I have an experimental joke

But laughs aren’t reproducible

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 7

 

I’m something of a joker

In fact I’m a crazy comic

I have an experimental joke

Sadly it’s a bit formulaic

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 6

 

I’m something of a joker

In fact I’m a comedy clown

I have a primatology joke

As I like to monkey around

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 5

 

I’m something of a joker

People think I’m a funny man

I’ve a Palaeoanthropology joke

But to be fare it’s an Oldowan

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 4

 

I’m something of a joker

I wouldn’t stop at any price

I even have a Geology joke

But to be fare it’s not gneiss

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 3

 

I’m something of a joker

And follow the comedy craft

I even have a Mule joke

But to be fare it’s half assed

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 2

 

I’m something of a joker

People think I’m a weirdo

I even have a Tortoise joke

But to be fare it’s a bit slow

 

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 1

 

I’m something of a joker

In fact, I’m comedy crazy

I even have a Sloth joke

But to be fare it’s a bit lazy

I SAID I WANTED TO BE A COMEDIAN

 

I said I wanted to be a comedian

And my wife laughed, the rotten cow

Well I have become a comedian

And I can say that no one’s laughing now

FRENCH COMEDY REALLY DOES EXIST

 

French comedy really does exist

But it must come, prerequisite, 

From the joke producing region

Otherwise it’s just Sparkling wit

PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG

 

Please don’t get me wrong

It’s not that I’m a prude

And under the right circumstances

I quite like being rude

But at the end of the day

I just find Keith Lemon crude

TOMMY AND ERIC

 

Tommy Cooper

And Eric Morecambe

Were funny men

Not vulgar

Or foul mouthed

Not forced or contrived

Just naturally funny men

Who made you laugh

Just by walking on to the stage

In fact, thinking about them

Has just made me smile

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – THALIA (MUSE OF COMEDY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The eighth was,

The divine Thalia,

Flourishing, in bloom,

Was the muse of comedy and idyllic poetry

A comic mask in her hand

The praises of Thalia, rustic goddess

And in her songs flourish through time

A MAN ENTERED A BEST PUN CONTEST

 

A man entered a best pun contest

And he chose ten puns to submit,

Hoping at least one pun would win

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

FRENCH COMEDY REALLY DOES EXIST

 

French comedy really does exist

But it must come, prerequisite, 

From the joke producing region

Otherwise it’s just Sparkling wit

WRITING JOKES FOR COMICS

 

I sit alone in a room

Writing jokes for comics

To earn my money

But on my own I wonder

If I’m the only person on the planet

Who thinks it's funny

So riddled with self-doubt

I’m terrified of finding out

WHEN I WAS IN A WRITING TEAM

 

When I was in a writing team

We was write a gag and get a laugh

Now it’s just me and a word processor

And it's hard to make the bastard laugh

DO AS PHYLLIS SAID

Do as Phyllis said

And don’t take flight

When you have a row

Last thing at night.

Don't go to bed mad,

Stay up and fight

 

In Memory of The Late Great Phyllis Diller (1917-2012)