21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 94

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,

Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,

Tapping at the window and crying through the lock,

Come on everyone and look at my - undergarments 

ARE YOU WEARING ANYTHING AT ALL?

 

Are you wearing anything at all?

When you make a phone call

From your big desk in the study

Do you sit there in the nuddy

I certainly pictured you that way

When you called me the other day

DO YOU HAVE A BRAZILIAN?

 

Are you sporting a Brazilian?

I think you might be Gillian

I don’t think you have a silly’n

Not like your kid sister Lillian

Who leans towards a Chilean

Or your older sister Jillian

With her moustachioed Sicilian

No, I think you my daring Gillian

Might well have a Brazilian

Which is probably a chilly’n

SUMMER GIRLS

 

Summer girls

Glistening with suntan oils

Clad in bikinis

On yellow sunlit soils

And how the suitor

Athletically toils

To catch their eye

And so, take the spoils

DIRTY-BLONDE HAIR

 

Oh, pretty girl

With the dirty-blonde hair

You may be the answer

To a lonely man’s prayer

I have been watching

You are standing there

And I’d like to ask

A question if I dare

Are you as dirty

As your dirty-blonde hair

ASTRONOMICAL LOVE

 

From the moons of Jupiter

And the areolas peaks

Across the navel plains

To the crater of Uranus

And the mound of Venus

DRAWN LIKE A MOTH

 

I moved toward the light

Drawn like a moth to a flame

It was a benevolent light

Not dazzlingly bright

But soft and easy on the eye

And when the vista opened wide

It emerged into serenity

With sweet music everywhere

And love enveloped me

Like a soft blanket

In the place of perfect peace

I stepped among the angels

Where no shadows fall

IT’S A BLESSED MIRACLE

 

It’s a blessed miracle

I've been in love with the same woman

For more than fifty years!

It’s a greater miracle

That my wife has never found out,

If she, did it would end in tears

BLIND DATES

 

I love going on blind dates

They just thrill me to bits

They don’t suit everyone

But hey if the cap fits

I do lots of blind dates

As many as time permits

We meet in a quiet place

Where I sit and stare at their tits

EVERYONE NEEDS A HOBBY

Everyone needs a hobby

And my dad is no exception

He has built up a rather large

Empty bottle collection

 

There is a name for it

It’ll come to me in a tick

It’s on the tip of my tongue

Oh yes, he’s an alcoholic

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 93

 

Seesaw Margery Daw 

Johnny shall have a new master

He shall earn but a penny a day

Because his employer is a bastard

ARE YOU WEARING LONG UNDERWEAR?

 

Are you wearing long underwear?

Something with its own trap door

Well, no matter how good they look on you

I’d like to see them on my bedroom floor

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 4

 

When no undies you are wearing

Your undercarriage gets an airing

And I will not look on in disgust

Should your skirt be lifted by a gust

When the wind gets a little brisker

And all and sundry see some whisker

I shall be the one who stood and leered

At your well aerated little beard

NONSENSICAL EPISODE # 7

You can take a horse to water

But you can’t teach it to suck eggs

Do unto others before their death

Every dog has a silver lining

Every cloud has his day

Glass houses make jack a dull boy

A bird in the hand is a penny earned

A new broom sweeps many a slip

All roads lead to the stable door

Caesar's wife begins at home

Don't throw the baby out with grandma

A WEASEL AND A STOAT?

 

What's the difference between

A weasel and a stoat?

They can both be used

To make a fine coat

So that’s not the answer

Well, no need to lament

One's weasily recognized

The other stoatly different.

EIN GANG

 

Just a little heads up

When everything's coming your way,

Don’t get too cocky

You’re just in the wrong lane. Ok?

RESPECT

 

I don’t compare myself to others

Of greater worth or merit

Or try to compete or outperform them

Simply, I am my own man,

And I am content to be so

I am happy to be transparent

So those around me can see what I am

And know the content of my heart

And because of my strong principles

I have self-respect

And in return I ask only one thing

To be respected

NEVER OVER REACH

 

Never confuse, without exception

Excellence with perfection

Excellence you can strive for

Perfection is something more

As I heard Michael J Fox once express

Perfection is God’s business

IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR

 

My wife said she'd like to have sex

In the back seat of the car

I thought things are looking up

I like what I’m hearing so far

Then she said she'd like to have sex

In the back of someone else’s car

I thought things are looking up

I like what I’m hearing so far

Then she said she'd like to have sex

With the guy we just met in the bar

I LOVE YOU DARLING WARTS AND ALL

 

I love you Darling warts and all

Though I can’t seem to recall

When we first met at the mall

And we chatted in the food hall

You ever mentioning warts at all

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 92

 

Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,

Went outside with no trousers on

Both shoes off and no pants on

Along came a policeman “You’re nicked son”

ARE YOU WEARING ANYTHING?

Are you wearing anything?

When you hear the phone ring

And do you reach for a negligee

Or are you comfortable that way

I know that when I give you a call

I want you to wear nothing at all

So, when next you hear it ring

Please don’t be wearing anything

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 3

 

When no undies you are wearing

You think yourself quite daring

Exercising your Joie de vivre

As you wander wild and free

And it’s so exciting for me to think

Of fresh air blowing around your mink

NONSENSICAL EPISODE # 6

 

The spa wrangled planner

No, the Tsar bangled tanner

The bra strangled Hannah

Or the scar dangled manor

The car mangled spanner

Or the bar tangled scanner

No, it’s the Star Spangled Banner

THE FOURTH EMERGENCY SERVICE

 

I was driving to work this morning

It was just as the day was dawning

And I noticed a parked-up AA van

And next to it was a crying man

But properly weeping and wailing

Down on his knees with arms flailing

I just shook my head with a frown

I knew he was headed for a breakdown

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

 

Edward Bulwer-Lytton wrote

“The pen is mightier than the sword”

This is, indeed, a fine sentiment.

That we should heartily applaud

But when faced with machine gun fire

I fear the proposition is flawed

I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY

 

I know with certainty

That, nine times out of ten

When in my house

Something is broken

Or just malfunctioning

I know before I see it

The probability is

One of my kids did it

And the 10 percent of times

They are off the hook

Then I know who to blame

By my wife’s guilty look

RUDELY AWAKENED

 

I leapt up out of bed,

And I opened the door

In my pyjamas,

Wow I’d not noticed it before

What a very odd place

For there to be a door

A REAL HUMDINGER

 

A man made a boast

It was a real humdinger

“I can turn this duck

Into a soul singer”

 

He repeated his boast

Despite being mocked

And made a wager

That left them shocked

 

They took the bet

That was a real humdinger

To see him turn a duck

Into a soul singer

 

He said as he took the duck

That he called Mr Smithers

“Now I’ll put it in the microwave

Until its bill withers”

THREE LITTLE FISHES

 

Three fish in a tank,

One says to the other ones

I'll drive the thing

If you two man the guns

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 91

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy dog’s tails

That's what little boys are made of!"

What are big boys made of?

Chips and ales, and chasing girl’s tails

That's what big boys are made of!"

ARE YOU WEARING BLACK?

 

Are you wearing black?

Yes, it’s a funeral I know

But underneath the garb

Is that all black also?

 

No, it’s not irreverent

Picturing you in lacy black

There was no bigger letch

Then you’re dead uncle Jack

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 2

 

You’ve gone commando, haven’t you?

Don’t shake your head I know it’s true

That blushing vividly betrays you

And that’s only one of many clues

I have a clinical eye for what I peruse

And I can see dandruff on your shoes

WHEN I SAY

 

When I say, "I love you", I mean it.

Look into my eyes and believe it

Look into my heart and feel it

DON’T GO IN THE WATER

I don’t like swimming in the sea

I don’t care what you say it’s not for me

It’s not that I’m scared of sharks or eels

Or that I don’t like how a jelly fish feels

It’s not even because of stone fish stings

Or the flotsam and jetsam the tide brings

You may think my phobia quite absurd

But I can’t be swimming along with a turd 

A BASIC FACT

 

A fact remains a fact

Its logic remains intact

Its basic premise is unflawed

Even if the fact is ignored

MY PASTIME

 

My pastime is, that I like to Fish

I’d do it all the time if I got my wish

But my wife hates me doing it

And she wants me to stop doing it

I say to her it’s just my hobby  

She says it’s just plain nobby

I say potato she says potaeto

I say tomato she says tomaeto

I say it’s just an innocent pastime

She says next time should be the last time

I say it is about the quiet peace

She says it has to cease

I say it’s appreciating the stillness

She says it’s a mental illness

She says I need to get a life

I think I just need a different wife

EVER SO HUMBLE

 

When toward my bed I stumble

My wife greets me with a grumble

“Hello, my little apple crumble”

I say as in her nightgown I fumble

My advances are met with a mumble

“Dearest, my desire is quite humble

A little bit of rough and tumble”

Her reply is yet another mumble

But we did have a Christmas fumble

BEFORE AND AFTER AT THE SALON

 

Before

 

Well, you look a little sallow

Right down to the marrow

What you need is a drop of sun

In a bottle I have the very one

Just go into the salon

And you can put some colour on

 

After

 

Well, my dear fellow

You’ve gone a little yellow

I think a touch too much

In fact, much too much

Of the prescribed fake tan

How will you pay Mr Marzipan?

NONSENSICAL EPISODE # 5

 

The hand on the knee

No, the bland of the tea

Or the stand of the tree

The gland of the pea

Or the band of the free

No, the sand of the flea

The brand of the ski

No, it’s the Land of the Free

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 90

 

The Sandman's coming

In his train of cars

Think! Tiredness kills

Stop at the next services

PRETTY LITTLE MARY

 

Pretty little Mary

Lives on the prairie

And works in the dairy

Her routine doesn’t vary

 

Pretty little Mary

Skips like a fairy

Sings like a canary

But is cautiously wary

 

Pretty little Mary

Is on the contrary

Really rather hairy

And a little bit scary

ARE YOU WEARING A BODY STOCKING?

 

Are you wearing a body stocking?

Something chic, sheer and shocking

Sexy all in one and figure hugger

I bet your bum still looks like a mugger

SENIOR NETWORKING

 

A young lady I met in the street

Asked of me “Sir, do you tweet”?

I answered, “No, of course not

But I have to say I do trump a lot.”

LABOUR SAVING THINGAMAJIGS

 

At my age I can safely say

I do not need more gizmo’s

Labour saving thingamajigs

And gadgetry so-and-sos

The garage door opener

And the TV remote

With those two things

I can just about cope

And I sometimes find

Though they are useful

I get them mixed up

To be quite truthful

NOBODY IS PERFECT

 

Do I care she’s not a perfect 10?

I’m really not that fickle

To be honest any bit of fluff

Gives me a trouser tickle

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 1

 

I think that down below you are bare

You have nothing on down there

There are things you’re not wearing

And I think you’re incredibly daring

But should the temperature turn ill

And you feel in danger of a chill

Fear not for I will execute my plans

And rescue you with my warm hands

THE LOST WEEKEND

 

Oh, what calamity did befall?

What an embarrassment for us all

We over imbibed on Saturday night

And awoke on Sunday none too bright

On the porch the paper lay unread

We couldn’t face it and went back to bed

So next morning which was Monday

We found the paper and thought it was Sunday

So, we had a relaxing fun day

Not realising it was really Monday

On Tuesday when I returned to work

I really felt a proper berk

My boss had a true-blue fit

And saw no humour at all in it

And verbally assailed me with his rancour

Then he called me a total fool

SOME LIKE A GIRL

 

Some like a girl

Blessed with a certain glamour

Some like a girl

Who uses proper grammar

Some just want one

That bangs like a hammer

YOU ARE A WOMAN

 

You are a woman

Who attracts and enamours

You may not mean to

But still every man clamours

For the opportunity

To get in your jammers

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 89

 

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children she didn't know what to do!

Sadly this case is not an exception

If only her daughters had used contraception

DREAMS ARE REALLY VERY ODD # 3

 

Dreams are an odd part of life

Last night my considerate wife

Woke me from my slumber to declare

“It was so bloody unfair”

I said “what on earth is wrong?

“What’s unfair, what’s going on? 

“The life of a sports journalist”

She replied and she wasn’t even pissed

ROTY 2011

 

It is such a travesty

Of a decision I fear

Carol Vorderman

Winning Rear of the Year

 

But I wonder if Pippa

Gives a damn

That the voters

Prefer mutton to lamb

ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?

 

Are you wearing underwear?

Or are you naked under there

Have you gone commando?

Oh I really do hope that’s so

I like to think you are bare

Walking around sans underwear

VEGETUS # 3

 

My son has announced

His intent to take the pledge

To give up eating meat

He has given to allege

But I don’t know what he’ll eat

As he doesn’t eat veg

SENIOR COURTING

 

I have met a woman online

A fellow silver surfer

We had a date last night

And I really fancied her

 

But it’s been too many years

And I couldn’t satisfy her

I think I’m suffering

From penile dementia

SELF DISCIPLINED

 

I don’t need stimulation

Of any kind

Because I have simply

Trained my mind

To flick a switch

If I need to perform

A simple “click”

And I have the horn

I can get an erection

With a single thought

I consider myself

To be self taut

BAGS OF SACKS

 

What sacks should I use?

In the garden?

Should I use plastic?

Or maybe Hessian?

 

I’m not sure I care

To be quite factual

I suppose it’s because

I am bi-sacksual

I AM DEFINITELY READY TO SAY IT

 

I am definitely ready to say it

I hope she is ready to hear it

How will she take it, who knows?

I take a deep breath and here goes

I stutter and I stammer thru

She said “I know and I love you too

THE HOLD OUT

 

You are so cute and fit

But you don’t seem up for it

Is there a reason you won’t play

Do you swing the other way?

Are you playing hard to get

Or haven’t met the “one” yet

It will take more than charmers

To get into your pyjama’s

Because I think for a start

They must get into your heart

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 88

 

Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,

Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.

When the pie was launched the tills began to sing,

It seems that McDonalds will fob you off with anything

DREAMS ARE REALLY VERY ODD # 2

 

Dreams are really very odd

Last night my wife sat up and said

“Tell Lionel to stop

It’s really hurting my head”

I enquired politely

What the hell she was on about

“Lionel Blair is in the wardrobe

Get the tosser out”

Now considering the early hour

I had the patience of Job

And softly said “Why would he 

Be in our wardrobe”?

A fare question, I thought

She just gave me a frown

“Tap dancing you idiot”

And then she lay back down

STAYING ATTRACTIVE

 

It seems to me that a man in his middle years

Is rendered more attractive, almost immediately,

To the opposite sex, if found to be wealthy

And/or he is a well-known TV celebrity

ARE YOU WEARING A BRA?

 

Are you wearing a bra?

It doesn’t look as if you are

I think underneath your shirt

Your breasts are free and pert

And clearly if they are

Then you don’t need to wear a bra

PEARL’S A SINGER

 

Pearl's a singer,

She stands up,

When she plays the piano

In a night club

 

Pearl has a sister,

She really pongs

And that’s why she’s lonely

Her job was entertaining folks,

Singing songs and telling jokes

In a nightclub

 

Shirl’s her sister, and they say,

That she once was a winner, now she’s hopeless

Shirl's a minger, and they say,

That she once had a shower

They said it was about a year a go

When she succumbed to the B.O.

It was rancid

 

Shirl’s a minger

She stands out

Coz she won’t lose the BO

In a bathtub

NIGHTIE NIGHT

 

I was feeling fruity last night

But my wife wasn’t in the mood

She said she was too tired

For doing anything rude

 

But I was still feeling fruity

So, I pleaded for her to succumb

Finally, she said “ok”,

“Pull my nightie down when you’re done”

MY WIFE IS MAD YET

 

My wife is mad

Last night she snored so loud

That she woke herself up

Then she hit me

For snoring so bloody loud

That I woke her up

 

But to add insult onto injury

Which left me upset

I was the one who hadn’t

Even been to sleep yet

THE NEWS OF THE WORLD

 

The News of the World

Oh, the irony is sweet

The news of the screws

That tawdry scandal sheet

 

Hoisted on its own petard

Because of its crime

They have become their papers

Biggest scandal of all time

THE WIDOW’S MITE

 

The Vicar’s sermon

Frank and forthright

Raised the question

Of the widow’s mite

 

Quite unnecessary

In my humble view

Because in our parish

There are only two

And I know for a fact

That they both do

MY DEAR OLD MOTHER

 

My dear old mother

Recently passed away

But it came to my attention

Only the other day

That she was in fact killed

By a “Mrs A”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 87

 

The lion and the unicorn

Were fighting for the crown

The lion beat the unicorn

All around the town

The vicious ambitious lion

Beat the poor unicorn so cute

But with one final effort

The unicorn killed the great hairy brute

MARTI

 

A young lady called Marti

Is vivacious and hearty

And just a bit tarty

But great fun at a party

GERTY

 

A young lady called Gerty

Is perky and flirty

Divertingly perty

And just downright dirty

MY WIFE IS MAD

 

My wife is mad

Last night she snored so loud

That she woke herself up

Then she hit me

For snoring so bloody loud

That I woke her up

DREAMS ARE REALLY VERY ODD # 1

 

Dreams are really very odd

Last night I sat up in bed

Clutching a pillow to my chest

And then I loudly said

“I’m off up the garden

To bury the dog”

My wife barked “You silly sod,

We haven’t got a dog”

MY WIFE HAS A TERRIBLE HABIT

 

My wife has a terrible habit

Of staying up till the early morn

And I can't break her of the habit

Of staying up till the dawn

Why on earth does she do it?

Is she up surfing the internet?

Or is she an incurable insomniac?

No, she stays up coz I’m not home yet

IN MY FANTASY

In my fantasy

You bring me ecstasy

In my actuality

I crave your sensuality

So, it would seem

I must live in my dream

SOME OF THEM

 

Some make you cringe

Some drive you mad

Some make you freeze

Some scare you bad

 

Some are enormous

Some are minute

Some are horrendous

Some are quite cute

 

Some of them jump

Some cause a rash

Some make a buzz

Some make you dash

 

Some make you itch

Some make you sick

Some kill you slow

Some kill you quick

 

Some of them bite

Some of them crawl

Some are big

Some are small

But what they share

Is that insects appal

I have to be honest

I hate them all

REAR OF THE YEAR 2011

In the Rear of the Year

Lovely Pippa Middleton

Was pipped at the post

By Carol Vorderman

Clearly those concerned

Prefer rear end of mutton

BATHING DRESS

 

When the bikini replaced the bathing suit

They were brief, but also rather chic

But the briefness was, nonetheless,

Still sufficient to cover both cheeks

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 86

 

There was a little Guinea pig,

Who, being little, was not big;

But from its head down to its feet

It was extremely good to eat

SAINT GEORGE

 

Though he is immortalized in the tale

Of Saint George and the Dragon

It is as one of the Fourteen Holy Helpers

That his patronage is built upon

WHEN YOU SIT NEXT TO ME

 

When you sit next to me

The skies seem to brighten

I feel sunlight on my skin

And all my senses heighten

Just being in such close proximity

Makes my old heart lighten

Just imagine if you only knew me

Then I’d be as invincible as a titan

 

POLYHYMNIA

 

Versatile Polyhymnia

Muse of singing

Muse of mime

And of sacred dancing

SUCCUMBING

 

Though a cool day

The spring sunshine,

Was hot through the glass

And combined with the wine

And an excellent lunch

It wouldn’t be long methinks

Before I slowly succumbed

To the long blinks

RAMBUNCTIOUS

It was noisy and unrestrained

Ill-disciplined and bestial

A rambunctious coupling

That was making her squeal 

SMOULDERING

 

Smoldering looks

Flaming desire,

Lustful tingling’s

And passionate fire

Eager anticipation

Tantalizingly relishing

Adds to the fantasy

For later embellishing

THE BODY IS A TEMPLE

 

The body is a temple

And worthy of protection

Its purity is sacred

And is God’s gift of perfection

But for your body I crave

Its complete and utter desecration

THE FIRST TIME I TOUCHED YOU

 

The first time I touched you,

Beckoned by temptation

Was a magical experience

Even in my clumsy seduction

My tender advances met

With spine tingling response

And in a bloodless loving coup

I broke down your sconce

SHE WAS A SIREN

 

She was a siren

She was a vamp

She was a harlot

She was a tramp

She was always hot

She was always damp

And you could turn her on

Like she was a lamp

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 85

 

Star light star bright,

The first star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Get my hands in Glenda’s tights

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 20

 

I don’t have a favourite;

I love each and every one

Whether happy or sad

Cheerful or glum

 

I love Chaise Blaise

And Bombay Rene

Pulsy Dulcie

And Crochet Fay

 

I love Gray Kay

And shorn Fawn

Blue Pru

And forlorn Dawn

 

I love Taxi Maxi

And Swish Trish

Victorian Dorian

And Swiss Bliss

LAURA, LAURA

 

Laura, Laura

How I adore her

I saw her, Laura.

Laura with the Aura

I saw her with Cora,

The lovely Senora

What’s she doing for her?

Laura for the Senora

Ah she’s sharing her Aura

PANDORA

 

Ah there’s Pandora, see?

Satisfying Laura Lee

And she’s doing it orally

TOTTERING TOTTIE

 

Oh, my little piece of

Tottering tottie

You really light my fire

You are such a hottie

I think you are easy

Like as nottie

MY PRETTY LITTLE MISSY

 

My pretty little missy

Let me fumble inside the silk

Of your well filled blouse

Or at least something of that ilk

PLEASE, PLEASE ME

You temp me and tease me

And then displease me

You go cold and freeze me

But then you seize me

Hug me and squeeze me

Not just to appease me

You want me to please, see

And I have expertise see

But you too can please me

And then you reprise me 

A HINT OF MINT

 

On your breath

There is the smell of peppermint

And on your cheek,

Is that a flush? at least a hint

And a look on your face

Of the guilty kind

You’ve been up to something

I can’t make up my mind

But your misdemeanor is,

Unless my instincts are failing

That you’ve either been

Swallowing or inhaling

ROUGH SILK

 

Your touch is sexily silken

Your hands are like gloves of velvet

You’re the greatest lover

You’re the one I’ll never forget

 

Blah blah blah, enough of the poetry

Just put your hand up my pelmet

We’ve been at it ten minutes

And you haven’t got my pants off yet

PURE BLISS

 

Skin as pure

As fresh drawn milk

And to the touch

Velvet, satin and silk

No blemish

But for natures kiss

A beauty

Made for sensual bliss

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 84

 

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - perhaps she'll die!

Well she will if we don’t get rid of this useless bloody government

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 19

 

I do have a favourite;

I like them with a similar name

Basically I have a bad memory

So the names should sound the same

 

Like Rosita, Lolita

Sita, Rita or Nikita

Anita, Margarita

Benita, Nita or Greta

VEGETUS # 2

 

Have you ever eaten vegetarian?

Have you done that; do you reckon?

Well, no I haven’t, but I’d like to

Tell me do they taste like chick’n

MANNOGRAM

 

A mannogram is a new test

And is the most effective way

Of detecting if a man has a heart

So, get yours checked out today

THE NIGHT OUT

 

I’d been to some bars

And drunk a few jars

And while I was there

I became the worse for wear

When my double vision

Started causing derision

And tired of the scoff

I took myself off

To be greeted at home

By a malevolent gnome

The bane of my life

My diminutive wife

But when I was drunk

I wasn’t afraid of the skunk

Her anger I would dismiss

And bring her round with a kiss

But my advance was declined

Which I thought was unkind

I thought I would rise above

Her rejection of my love

But despite my attempt

To show her contempt

She still wouldn’t let me in

I thought it may be the Gin

So, I used reasoning

Without any seasoning

But what I said to her

Just came out as a slur

Then she angrily said

“Go and sleep in the shed”

TOP OF THE LINE

 

Toward little ones I incline

Your little breasts are fine

As sweet as cherry wine

Your threepennys are klein

 

Toward little ones I incline

Small by natures design

Beautiful when you’re supine

For your little breasts I pine

 

Toward little ones I incline

Disappearing when you recline

Your nakedness I love to entwine

And your little breasts are mine

 

Toward little ones I incline

The scientists want to refine

I like them little, bottom line

They are the top of the line

THERE IS MORE TO SEX THAN LUST

 

Sex isn’t just lust

Or a mere coupling

A base fulfilment

Of primeval need

Or secreting pheromones

Its isn’t just mechanical

Or indeed chemical

It isn’t in simple terms

A trigger to be pulled

It isn’t all out of control

Exchanging fluids

And sweaty effort

There is more to sex than that

But I will accept

That it is mainly lust

IN HER LITTLE YELLOW BEETLE

 

I always used to see her

And wanted to take a trip

In her little yellow beetle

As she cruised the strip

 

But she never noticed me

Though I hoped one day

In her little yellow beetle

She would drive me away

 

Then one day out of the blue

She pulled up along side

And said “hello handsome”

And took me off for a ride

 

Well, that was quite a night

That I will never forget

In her little yellow beetle

I had the best ride yet