I HAD TWO EXAMS TODAY

 

I had two Exams today, English Oral

Followed by the French equivalent one

They were both hard, the only difference

Being the additional application of tongue

THE PREFECT AND THE OIK

 

“Why are you always such a dirty little oik?”

The prefect asked

“You are the dirtiest pupil by far,

Look at me, I’m always clean and smart”

The boy replied

“I'm closer to the ground than you are”

INTERRUPTING ANNETTE

 

“Give me a sentence starting with “I”“

The teacher asked young Annette

“I is...” she began but teacher interrupted

“No, always say, “I am”, Annette”

The girl looked puzzled, but complied

“I am the ninth letter of the alphabet”

THE CAT ESSAY

 

The teacher said “your essay on “My cat”

Is exactly the same as your brother Matt’s,

Did you copy his work for your story?”

“No, miss, but it's the same cat” said Corey

A TEACHER HELD A SPELLING BEE

 A teacher held a spelling bee and asked

“Kyle, how do you spell “crocodile?”“

“K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L” he said

“No, that's not the way to spell Crocodile”

Said the teacher “Maybe it’s wrong, but you

Asked me how I spell it” explained Kyle

MY BROTHER IN LAW IS FROM STRATFORD

 

My brother-in-law is from Stratford

He went to Shakespeare's school

No of course he didn’t know him

He was in the year above you fool

THE PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED

The primary school teacher asked

Name something, we have today Ellie

That we didn’t have ten years ago

Ellie replied immediately, “Me” 

MY CROSS EYED TEACHER WAS SACKED

 

My cross-eyed teacher was sacked

The governors have no scruples

They said it wasn’t her disability

But that she couldn't control her pupils

I USED TO START AN AWFUL LOT OF FIGHTS

I used to start an awful lot of fights

When I was at school, I was a bully

But I had attention deficit disorder

So, I didn’t finish them thankfully

IF YOU WANT TO SCORE AT SCHOOL

 

If you want to score at school

Then the person to see

To fulfil all your needs

Is the supply teacher obviously

IT’S YOUR OWN TIME YOU’RE WASTING

 

“It’s your own time you’re wasting”

But no one listens to the teacher

So, when option time came around

I went and signed up for media

IN THE CORRIDORS AT MY SCHOOL

 

In the corridors at my school

We were allowed to run

There was a simple explanation,

We didn’t have a gymnasium

SOMETHING HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY

 

Something happened at school today

Which has shaken us up a bit

We had an issue with the register

As two of our teachers were on it

I WAS BULLIED VERY BADLY AT SCHOOL

 

I was bullied very badly at school

To it, my mind reluctantly returns,

I was hospitalized on one occasion

With full thickness Chinese burns

ON MY VERY FIRST DAY AT PRIMARY SCHOOL

On my very first day at primary school

I handed, as instructed, a letter to my teacher

It was addressed to “whom it may concern”

And it had been written by my mother

It read “The opinions expressed by this boy

Are not in any way those of his mother or father”

SAMUEL WAS LATE FOR SCHOOL

Samuel was late for School

“It was the sign” in his defence he said

The teachers asked what sign

“The one that says, “Slow, School Ahead”” 

JOSHUA DID HIS MULTIPLICATION

 

Joshua did his multiplication

Homework on the kitchen floor

Because he was apparently

Told not to use tables anymore

I SIGNED UP FOR BOTANY

 

When I was at school

I signed up for Botany

I thought any class about “bots”

Is the one for me

OUR LONDON SCHOOL WAS AWASH

 

Our London school was awash

With drugs of various kinds

And it certainly wasn’t considered

A punishment to do lines

MY SON CAME RUSHING HOME FROM SCHOOL

 

My son came rushing home from school

With great excitement from the start

“I’m in the play and I play a married man

I said, "So you didn’t get a speaking part?”