Being a Christian man,
Of high moral standing
I was not prepared
For the resulting
misunderstanding
It was on my arrival
At the hotel reception
After the pleasantries
And before completing
registration
I merely asked the
receptionist
If she was at all able
To make sure the porn
channel
In my room was
disabled
To which she replied
With the tone of utter scorn
“No, you sick bastard.
“I wish to complain” the woman growled
The manager said, “How
can I help you”?
“There is a puddle on
the bathroom floor
What are you going to
do?”
The manager with a
smile replied
“I’ll have the maid
mop it up for you,
And if it’s any
consolation, I have three sons
And there’s always a
puddle in our loo”
He ordered room service, from the special
menu, the connoisseur’s selection, and when she arrived she walked into his
room and stood before him on six-inch stiletto heels as she slipped off her
long black leather coat, revealing just her underwear, a black silk teddy,
fitting her lithesome figure like a shimmering sheath, a garter belt about her
waist which held up sheer black stockings of the finest quality, lace trimmed
at the thigh.
Standing before him dressed all in black,
the tantalising taut lines betraying her nakedness beneath the silk and his
eyes greedily consumed her filthy allure which filled his head with vivid and
impure thoughts, but then that was what he ordered.
He was instantly aroused and wanted her
there and then but she knew how to tantalise and tease, so instead of
surrendering herself immediately to his lust, she knelt before him with his
eyes full of naked want and pleasured him, heightening his arousal and
maximising the experience, so when she granted him his wish it would in turn
satisfy her own hunger.
Emma Chambers was what we used to call a bottle blonde, she was also a
three time divorcee and one time widow, and was the wrong side of fifty but she
filled a sweater very well indeed and her bum was tailor made for tight jeans
which I’m pleased to say she wore on a regular basis and she occupied them to
maximum effect.
In addition to her assets she had the added attraction of when you got
in close proximity of her, she smelt incredible.
It was Emma who was the reason that Mark and Sue Aldridge and the well
filled sweater were at Clayton Manor Hotel for the murder mystery weekend in
the first place, it was something that appealed very much too both the women
though not so much to him.
Even if it was up Marks street, it was far too rich for his blood, which
was why the merry widow stumped up the cash.
He and Sue had known Emma for some time and they often went on trips and
outings together, it suited him very well as the women entertained each other,
leaving him free to entertain himself, usually of the Golf course.
Also, on these outings he was often preoccupied with his ponderings over
whether the contents of Emma’s sweater were real and what her natural hair
colour was.
On the Saturday night Emma had too much to drink and had to retire early
but Sue was enjoying the entertainment far too much and didn’t want to miss the
conclusion to the mystery so it was left to Mark to help Emma to her room.
All weekend Mark had taken every opportunity to enjoy the view of her
goodies as she had been wearing her customary jeans and a sweater but as he
guided her along the corridor to her room on Saturday night she was wearing a
dress and as he struggled with her through the fire doors there was every
chance she might fall out of it.
He propped her up against the wall as he used her key card to open the
door, once he got her through the door to the room however, she suddenly
regained her senses and pounced on him, taking him completely by surprise and
knocking him backwards onto the bed.
As he lay on the bed like an upturned turtle desperately trying to get
back to his feet he looked up at her and she gave him a leery smile before
jumping on the bed and straddling him.
“What’s going on?” Mark asked “you can’t do this”
“Stop complaining” Emma ordered “I’ve seen the way you look at me when
you think nobodies looking”
And she planted a wet alcohol tasting kiss on his mouth which silenced
his protests, and as her tongue poked and probed around his mouth, he grabbed
her ample buttocks with both hands.
Emma took this action as a sign of submission, so she sat up and
unzipped the back of her dress and let the front fall away.
By the time Mark left the room he knew the contents of her sweater were
indeed all hers and that she was naturally brunette.
When he got back to the drawing room, he found Sue sitting and talking
to one of the actors.
“Have you seen to her?” Sue asked
“Yes dear” He replied “you can consider her seen to”
“Thanks darling” she said and kissed his cheek. “You’re a good husband”
Emma Chambers was what we used to call a bottle blonde, she was also a
three time divorcee and one time widow, and was the wrong side of fifty but she
filled a sweater very well indeed and her bum was tailor made for tight jeans
which I’m pleased to say she wore on a regular basis and she occupied them to
maximum effect.
In addition to her assets she had the added attraction of when you got
in close proximity of her, she smelt incredible.
It was Emma who was the reason that Mark and Sue Aldridge and the well
filled sweater were at Clayton Manor Hotel for the murder mystery weekend in the
first place, it was something that appealed very much too both the women though
not so much to him.
Even if it was up Marks Street, it was far too rich for his blood, which
was why the merry widow stumped up the cash.
He and Sue had known Emma for some time and they often went on trips and
outings together, it suited him very well as the women entertained each other,
leaving him free to entertain himself, usually of the Golf course.
Also, on these outings he was often preoccupied with his ponderings over
whether the contents of Emma’s sweater were real and what her natural hair
colour was.
On the Saturday night Emma had too much to drink and had to retire early
but Sue was enjoying the entertainment far too much and didn’t want to miss the
conclusion to the mystery so it was left to Mark to help Emma to her room.
All weekend Mark had taken every opportunity to enjoy the view of her
goodies as she had been wearing her customary jeans and a sweater but as he
guided her along the corridor to her room on Saturday night she was wearing a
dress and as he struggled with her through the fire doors there was every
chance she might fall out of it.
He propped her up against the wall as he used her key card to open the
door, once he got her through the door to the room however, she suddenly
regained her senses and pounced on him, taking him completely by surprise and
knocking him backwards onto the bed.
As he lay on the bed like an upturned turtle desperately trying to get
back to his feet he looked up at her and she gave him a leery smile before
jumping on the bed and straddling him.
“What’s going on?” Mark asked “you can’t do this”
“Stop complaining” Emma ordered “I’ve seen the way you look at me when
you think nobodies looking”
And she planted a wet alcohol tasting kiss on his mouth which silenced
his protests, and as her tongue poked and probed around his mouth, he grabbed
her ample buttocks with both hands.
Emma took this action as a sign of submission, so she sat up and
unzipped the back of her dress and let the front fall away.
By the time Mark left the room he knew the contents of her sweater were
indeed all hers and that she was naturally brunette.
When he got back to the drawing room, he found Sue sitting and talking
to one of the actors.
“Have you seen to her?” Sue asked
“Yes dear” He replied “you can consider her seen to”
“Thanks darling” she said and kissed his cheek. “You’re a good husband”
In error I booked in to a cheap hotel
Frequented by very odd clientele
You could tell that it wasn’t great
The room even had an hourly rate
I had not expected a peaceful night
Within an hour I was proven right
Through paper-thin walls it comes
A steady rhythm like beating drums
The rhythm growing more intensely
Then passions are expressed vocally
Then came the squeaking of springs
An almost orchestral feel it brings
Grunts and groans they both express
Then in soprano she adds yes, oh yes,
Then the crescendo and then no more
Well for ten minutes until the encore
Later I wished after due consideration
That he’d not asked the same question
A mate of mine and his new wife
Stayed
in a hotel in the town of Fife
Just
for one night with time to kill
And
he got a two-hundred-pound Bill
“Two
hundred pounds? for what?”
My
mate said, “That seems to be a lot”
“That’s
for your room and board sir”
Answered
the odious hotel manager
My
friend said, “Room and board?
We
didn't even eat here.” He roared
The
manager said, “Well it was here
If
you missed it, that’s bad luck I fear”
I’m
not paying the Bill” My friend said
“You
can take a hundred quid instead”
“I'm
deducting a hundred as a fine
For
sleeping with this wife of mine”
“I
never touched a hair on her head”
