GLASS NOT HALF FULL

 

I have to say I’m not

A “glass half full”

Type of person

I’m more of a

“Where did I put my glass”

Kind of person

I KNOW I’M GETTING OLD # 3

 

I know I’m getting old

And there’s nothing I can do

When old classmates

Come into your view

And you’re so wrinkled

They don’t recognise you

I KNOW I’M GETTING OLD # 4

 

I know I’m getting old

In the most fundamental of ways

When children ask me

What it was like in the olden days

SHOULD AN OLD PERSON REALLY ANNOY ME

 

Should an old person really annoy me

I have a particularly callous strategy

I just set about taunting and teasing them

With dreams of the future they won’t see

ONE DAY OLD AGE WILL ARRIVE

 

One day old age will arrive

And leave you in despair

For example when your teeth

Are less white than your hair

OLD AGE HAS DEFINITELY ARRIVED

 

Old age has definitely

Arrived in your life when,

Your enthusiastic efforts

To catch the attention

Of a friend in the street,

Are met with looks of

Increasing terror, as you

Draw nearer and embrace

A complete stranger

OLD AGE HAS DEFINITELY ARRIVED WITH A RUSH

 

Old age has definitely arrived with a rush

When you think you’re having a hot flush

But sadly, not for the first time, you forget  

That you switched on the electric blanket

BEST BEFORE 1980 # 8

 

It’s true to say as you get older

Your youth you possible may regain

For someday you will be old enough

To start reading fairy tales again

BEST BEFORE 1980 # 6

 

Old people can safely ignore

Organic foods with no regret

Simply because they need

All the preservatives they can get

BEST BEFORE 1980 # 5

 

I spend half an hour searching

for my glasses beside the bed

Only to discover find that they

were on the top of my head

I JUST HAD A SENIOR MOMENT

 

I just had a senior moment

When I mentioned to my friend Betty

That when I got the chance

I needed to phone my friend Betty

BEST BEFORE 1980 # 7

 

I think I may be past my best

Because I popped out to get milk

And return home two hours later

With a tin of paint and no milk

I BECAME VERY FRUSTRATED TODAY

 

I became very frustrated today

When repeatedly told to press any key

Because on my computer keyboard

I can confirm there is no “any” key

BEST BEFORE 1980 # 4

 

I use the phrase “the one from the tv”

To describe actors or celebrities

I also use it to describe what I’m looking

At the supermarket or the Deli

MY WIFE AND I HAD AN ACTIVE SEX LIFE

 

My wife and I had an active sex life

And we used to like to experiment

But those days are now long gone

As SM now means Senior Moment

GETTING ON # 16

 

When you are getting on in years

Make sure you are kind to your family

Because they’ll be choosing

Your nursing home eventually

BEST BEFORE 1980 # 3

 

I was asked by a practising Buddhist

If I could remember any past lives

I replied I couldn’t confirm yesterday

Without consulting the archives

GETTING ON # 15

 

They have just barred me

From the local Oddbins

For causing checkout queues

Trying to remember my pin

GETTING ON # 14

 

I stop to catch my breath

On the stairs and then I frown

As I can’t remember whether

I was going up or down

BEST BEFORE 1980 # 2

 

I decided to Vacuum the house

But for some reason it wasn’t working

I was stumped, it was very frustrating 

Then I noticed that it wasn’t plugged in