DON’T EAT ANYTHING, FATTY

 

My doctor said to me

Don’t eat anything fatty

What he meant by that was

Don’t eat anything, fatty

THE POSTPARTUM SEX

 

My wife gave birth today

And after thanking the doc

I sheepishly asked him

“When can have sex?”

He winked and said

“I’m off duty at ten”

MEDICAL SALAD

 

He has celery sticking out of his left ear,

And lettuce sticking out of the right,

Ans asked the doctor what was wrong

The doctor says, “you're not eating right.”

MY SON REALLY HURT HIS ARM

 

My son really hurt his arm

The Doc said “there no harm

Done” I insisted he Humour us

And check out the Humerous

AT THE DOCTORS SURGERY

 

I went to my old Doctor’s place

"I've hurt my arm in several places"

I told him wincing from the pain

He advised "well don't go there again"

I WAS ASKED WHO I WANTED

I was asked who I wanted

My emergency contact to be

It took me only seconds to reply

“A good doctor obviously”

YESTERDAY I WENT TO SEE THE DOCTOR

 

Yesterday I went to see the doctor

Because I was feeling like hell

And he said, “You've got hypochondria”

“Oh no” I said “Not that as well”

SHE SAID SHE WAS A BUSH DOCTOR

 

I completely misunderstood

But then I was a bit pissed

She said she was a Bush Doctor

So, I thought “she’s a gynaecologist”

A VERTICALLY CHALLENGED MAN

A vertically challenged man

Went to see his GP

Without an appointment

And he was told at reception

That the doctor would see him

But he’d have to be a little patient

A DOCTOR POINTED OUT

 

A Doctor pointed out a piece of lettuce

That protruded from the patient’s ear

And added that it might be serious

As it could be the tip of the iceberg

SHE WENT TO THE DOCTORS WITH A LETTUCE LEAF

 

She went to the doctors with a lettuce leaf

Poking out of her knickers which was quite absurd

And it looked a really nasty sight in truth 

But it turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg

MY DOCTOR IS A LOCUM

 

My doctor is a Locum

Who replaced Dr Slocombe

And all I get is Hokum

With a sprinkling of bunkum

But I have my heath so Ho hum

IF THE ADVICE FOR A MAN WHO HAS LOST

 

If the advice for a man who has lost

Interest in sex is to see a doctor

What would the advice be if

The sufferer is actually a doctor?

THE ART OF MODERN MEDICINE

 

The art of modern medicine

Consists by varying degrees

Of keeping the patient amused

While nature cures the disease

THE TEMPERATURE OF SEX

 

An old man was at the doctors

“I have a question you may think silly

Well after my wife and I have sex,

I'm usually cold and chilly

But then, after the second time

I'm usually hot and sweaty"

The doc replied “Well that is strange

Let’s discuss it with Betty”

The doctor repeated the tale

And she replied with disgust

"The first time is in January

And the second is in August"

DON’T EAT ANYTHING FATTY

 

My doctor said to me

Don’t eat anything fatty

What he meant by that was

Don’t eat anything, fatty

I HAVE A VERY POLITE DOCTOR

 

I have a very polite doctor,

Nice to the point of folly

He won’t tell me I’m obese

He says I’m morbidly jolly

THE EMERGENCY ROOM DOCTOR

The Emergency Room doctor said

“I don't like the look of your wife at all sir”

“Nor me” he agreed “But she can cook,

Do the decorating and the kids like her”

A MAN RECOVERING FROM SURGERY

A man recovering from surgery was asked

By the nurse “how are you feeling Mr Dukes?”

“I’m a little concerned about a four letter word

Uttered during the surgery by Doctor Proops”

“What exactly did he say?” asked the nurse.

The man went very pale and then said “Oops!” 

MY DECISION TO BECOME A DOCTOR

 

My decision to become a doctor

Even though it helped me burgeon

Raised more than a few eyebrows

But then I am a plastic surgeon