MY WIFE WANTED BREAST AUGMENTATION

 

My wife wanted breast augmentation

Because she was completely flat

And I wanted to get an Eagle Tattoo

So, we negotiated, kind of, Tit for Tat

ARE YOU WEARING A POUT?

 

Are you wearing a pout?

Well, it’s bold without a doubt

But the overwhelming impression

Is that you look like a trout

WHEN I SAW MY WIFE’S BOTOX BILL

 

When I saw my wife’s Botox bill

I couldn’t believe my eyes

I pointed it out to my wife

But she didn’t look surprised

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY?

 

Are you addicted to plastic surgery?

Or just had more than your fair share

Well, it’s a sure sign when your surgeon

Is an employee of Tupperware

FRANKENSTEIN PHYSICIANS

 

Plastic surgeons have the expertise

To enhance breasts into a feature

But disproportionate enhancement

Makes for an odd-looking creature

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING

 

You can wear an ankle bracelet

And have piercings through your bits

You can even have a tramp stamp

But don’t go messing with your tits

 

You can wear a thong up your bum

You can remove every hair you’ve grown

You can show everyone your belly

But please leave your tits alone

 

I’ll admit they’re not the biggest

But you have the perfect little pair

I don’t want you to look like Jordan

With two footballs hanging there

 

Your breasts were made by nature

And by definition they are perfection

I don’t want a surgeon Frankenstein

Messing with your lovely confections

DRASTIC SURGERY

 

People of a certain age

With skin like tired elastic

Go to see a surgeon

And are quite enthusiastic

Though the procedures

Seem a little drastic

The surgeon promises

They will look fantastic

In reality however they just

Tighten the tired elastic

But the patient is satisfied

And pay the bill on plastic

DEFYING GRAVITY # 1

 

With such widespread use of breast implants

There will surely come a time in the next 50 years

When there will be a large octogenarian population

Of confused and befuddled perky breasted grandmas