THE DRUMMER HAD TWIN DAUGHTERS

 

The drummer had twin daughters

And they were identical too

So being a rock musician

He named them Anna 1, Anna 2

ME AND MY MATES

 

Me and my mates

Are in a band

Called Duvet,

We’re a cover band

Uncanny Tales – (087) The Lady Mondergreen

 

Everything nowadays has a name every illness, every condition has a pigeonhole, every hobby or pastime, every job and occupation and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, after all that is one of the functions of language.

Names and definitions enable us to know what someone else is talking about as well as feeding the habit of those interested in trivia.

I like trivia myself all those interesting facts about just about anything, the origins of surnames, inventors, adventurers, sporting events, who did what to who and when.

In fact, my head is absolutely full of useless bits of trivia from irrelevant facts to complete rubbish I even know the origin of the word trivia.

All of which brings us neatly to the purpose of my rambling, namely that all of us at one time or another have listened to a song and got it wrong and completely misheard the lyric, sometimes just the first hearing and sometimes every time you hear it.

I’m sure that everyone has a list of their own that they can recite but one that always sticks in my mind is from the Queen classic “Bohemian Rhapsody” the correct line is “spare him his life from this monstrosity” but I always hear “spare him his life from his Walls sausages”, I know it makes no sense but that’s what I hear.

I once heard Billy Connolly telling one of his tales many years ago, which happened when he was working in America, it was about a little girl in church who instead of singing “Gladly the cross I bare” sang “Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear”.

Now I’m sure that you all have far better examples than the two that I have mentioned.

All this leads me neatly to the point where I impart my little piece of boring trivia, a little gem of trivia which just happens to be the name to describe a misheard lyric, that word being ‘Mondergreen’.

The word “Mondergreen” is derived from an old folk song that was released on a record in the early 1950’s which contained the line “They laid him on the green” but this was misheard and was thus misinterpreted as “The Lady Mondergreen.”

Now wasn’t that an interesting bit of rubbish.

 

I would be interested to hear your own examples of Mondergreens.

I DECIDED TO DO AN EVENING CLASS

 

I decided to do an evening class

And I chose the Carpenters one

We haven’t made anything yet

Because “We’ve only just begun”

PHIL LYNOTT LOST HIS FAVOURITE FISH

 

Phil Lynott lost his favourite fish

And searched for it wide and far oh

When he found it he took it home,

Now he keeps his fishy in a-jar-o

TO BE A GREGORIAN MONK

 

I wanted to be a Gregorian monk

And looked into bursarys and grants

But all my efforts were to no avail

Because sadly I never got the chants

PHIL LYNOTT WANTED A SPECIAL PET

 

Phil Lynott wanted a special pet

And searched for it wide and far oh

When he found it, he took it home,

Now he keeps his Pixie in a-jar-o

PHIL LYNOTT WAS ROBBED BY A GYPSY

 

Phil Lynott was robbed by a Gypsy

And searched for him wide and far oh

He caught him and took him home

Now he keeps his Gypsy in a-jar-o

FUSION MUSIC

 

There’s a new music fad or fashion

A genre of Swedish/Australian fusion

Playing Dancing Queen and Waterloo

On a Wobble Board and a Didgeridoo

I don’t know if it will catch on at all

But they call the music Abba-riginal

THERE IS AN ABBA TRIBUTE BAND

 

There is an ABBA tribute band

Only three members but well above par

They work in a French slaughterhouse

And call themselves, Abba trois

I BOUGHT A CD OF SOOTHING WHALE SONG

 

I bought a CD of soothing whale song

As a chill out evening was planned

But things didn’t work out that way

The CD was by a dolphin tribute band

I WROTE A SONG ABOUT A TORTILLA

 

I wrote a song about a Tortilla

And it was really crap

But I should say in my defence

It was more of a Wrap

AN ELEGANT HARPIST

 

There was an elegant girl playing a harp

And the ambiance couldn’t have been nicer

It was culturally pretentious though, paying

A posh bird to play an oversized cheese slicer

I WAS INVITED TO A PRETENDERS GIG

 

I was invited to a Pretenders gig

And wasn’t sure how to react

I really like live music performance

But didn’t want to see a tribute act

MY WIFE WANTED TO GO AND SEE THE CURE

 

My wife wanted to go and see the Cure

And was surprised at my apprehension

Wondering why I didn’t want to see the Cure

I said I’d rather see the Prevention

CAT GUTTED

 

As to which animal cat gut comes from

I have been lied to and seriously misled

It appears it doesn’t come from cats

But from Sheep and Horses instead

I WAS IN SOUTH LONDON

 

I was in south London

And this bloke I met

Said he would attack me,

If I didn’t make a bet,

With the neck of a guitar,

So, I said ‘Is that a fret?’

THE MUSIC TEACHER WAS FOUND GUILTY

 

The music teacher was found guilty

And put on the sex offenders register

He was giving guitar lessons and

Was arrested for fingering A minor

A MUSCIAN WANTED A HOLIDAY BY THE SEA

 

A musician wanted a holiday by the sea

Under blue skies with an ocean breeze

And as she was a pianist she knew exactly

Where she wanted to go, the Florida Keys

MY SON TOLD ME HE PLAYED IN A BAND

 

My son told me he played in a band

And I’m afraid I did have to mock

Because they are called the Pilgrims

So I asked if they played Plymouth Rock