FISH BRIEF

 

There is a difference, you will find

Between a Solicitor and a catfish

For one is a scum-sucking scavenger

While the other is a type of fish

PROFESSIONALS HAVE AN END OF LIFE # 1

 

Professionals have an end of life

Inescapable, though they may try

Old Lawyers for example just

Lose their appeal, they never die

IF LAWYERS CAN BE DISBARRED # 2

 

If Lawyers can be disbarred

Can dustmen be well disposed?

Or can tour guides be detoured

And must models be deposed?

IF LAWYERS CAN BE DISBARRED # 1

 

If Lawyers can be disbarred

then will fishermen be debated?

Will magicians be disillusioned?

And politicians denominated?

THE JURY FOREMAN CLEARLY ANNOUNCED

 

The jury foreman clearly announced

To the court "Not guilty of robbery"

The defendant asked his solicitor

"Does that mean I can keep the money?"

MY SOLICITOR SAID

 

My solicitor said

That he would get me

A very good Barrister

 

“I don’t need” I said

“Someone making coffee 

Just get me a lawyer”

DRUNK AT THE BAR

 

A drunk was brought before the judge.

The judge said as he was walked in

"You've been brought before me for drinking."

And the drunk said, "Great, I’ll have a gin"

PROFESSIONAL BLUNDERS

 

The medical profession can always

Bury their mistakes deeply

The legal profession can execute theirs

Finally, and completely

While journalism allow their errors

To be given centre stage

For all the world to see in black and white

Right on the front page

JUSTITIA

 

Justitia, or lady justice

Matronly Goddess

Stands for fairness

Validating justice

Sanctifying the law

A figure of trust

 

Before the court

She stands

Blindfolded

To mete out justice

Without fear of favour

Equality for all

In the eyes of the law

Impartiality

 

In Justitia’s left hand

The measuring balances

The scales of justice

Weighing the evidence

For and against

Support and opposition

Guilt and innocent

 

Justitia, in her right hand

Holds the sword

The symbol of power

Of reason and justice

A double edge sword,

The sword of justice

The nemesis sword

To be wielded for or against

Retribution or vengeance

 

Justitia, is a fraud

Justice is not blind

Rip off the blindfold

From the bitch’s eyes

She is not blind

She has no impartiality

She is the establishment

The ruling order

Her principled scales

Don’t measure justice

Only a rich man’s coin

And her noble sword

The sword of justice

The nemesis sword

Is used to smite the weak

LAW IS LIKE THE FAMILY BUSINESS

 

Law is like the family business

And that includes my Niece

She is a Corrections Officer

With the Grammar Police

ARE YOU WEARING A SQUINT?

 Are you wearing a squint?

That’ll be because of the fine print.

I wouldn’t bother reading every bit

There's no way you're going to like it

PROFESSIONALS HAVE AN END OF LIFE # 1

 

Professionals have an end of life

Inescapable, though they may try

Old Lawyers for example just

Lose their appeal, they never die

FISH BRIEF

 

There is a difference, you will find

Between a Solicitor and a catfish

For one is a scum-sucking scavenger

While the other is a type of fish

COMPENSATION CULTURE

 

You can sue for anything nowadays

You can get your day in court in any number of ways

Discrimination, personal injury or hurt feelings

Contentious boundary disputes or dodgy dealings

Malicious damage and common assault as well

Happily suing the neighbors from hell

Unlawful arrest or false imprisonment

There is no one lawyers won’t represent

The compensation culture is becoming contagious

Unscrupulous Lawyers make a mint being litigious

The solicitors say “no win no fee”

While rubbing their greasy hands with glee

We are sadly all part of the compensation culture

Where the lawyers are the compensation vulture

I'VE JUST HAD A LETTER FROM A SOLICITOR

I've just had a letter from a solicitor

To “once and for all” inform me

That contrary to what I might believe

Screwfix are not a dating agency

PROFESSIONALS

Doctors, dentists, lawyers

And all that professional lot

Are only ever on time for appointments

When you're not

LEGAL ARGUMENT’S

 

You must argue the facts when the law is against you

You must argue the law when the facts are against you

Call the other lawyer names when both are against you

DOG OR CUR

If you find a dead lawyer in the road

With a dead dog

You will find skid marks leading

Towards the dog

THE COURT OF HUMAN RIGHTS

 

The court of human rights recently made their final ruling in regard to the British law, which prohibits the right of convicted or sentenced prisoners from voting in elections.

The court in its infinite wisdom has ruled that the British state cannot withdraw the right to vote from any citizen for any reason.

To my mind however to cast your vote is not a right but a privilege and when you have been convicted of a crime you have no consideration for the rights and privileges of the victim of your crime or any respect for society as a whole or its offices and institutions.

Therefore, it is only right and proper that when incarcerated you should lose your privileges. 

TWELVE MEN AND TRUE

 

When you appear in the crown court

You put your faith in, without a thought

Twelve people who weren't, frankly

Smart enough to get out of jury duty