WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 2

 

When I was young we ate a healthy diet

With plenty of fruit and vegetables

But we never thought of eating Seaweed

In fact we didn’t even know it was edible

WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 1

 

When I was young, we ate a healthy diet

With plenty of fruit and vegetables

And we didn’t do it under sufferance   

Apart from prunes which were medicinal

THE SLIMMER OF THE YEAR

 

The Slimmer of the year

To her absolute surprise

Was last night presented

With the no Belly Prize

THE LIFE OF PIE

 

Off they go to the bakers

For a pie of pork and pickle

Trundling along the road

Riding on their obesecycle

ATTRACTION

 

I’m overweight I know

But it’s not my fault though

It’s because of the surgeries

Replacing my hips and knees

It’s the fridge magnets you see

They keep attracting me

GARNISHING

If you put a tomato

On top of your knickerbocker glory

Instead of a cherry

It counts as a salad; well, that’s my story 

THE LATEST FAD

 

I’ve been on every diet known to man

Atkins, Lemonade, Cabbage and f-plan

And I’ve never lost a thing worthy of mention

But I try every new one, full of good intention

Now I'm on the Whisky diet, which I’m taking steady

And do you know I've lost three days already.

A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

A balanced diet

Is what is planned

Which invariably

Means I understand

Something healthy

Something bland

 

A healthy lifestyle

Is what is planned

So, a balanced diet

If I might expand

Does not involve

A pie in each hand

WHENEVER I DECIDE TO EAT HEALTHILY

 

Whenever I decide to eat healthily,

In order to fit into my knickers,

I suddenly see a chocolate bar

Which then looks at me and snickers