21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 118

 

When good King Arthur ruled this land,

He was a goodly King;

But Lancelot did shag the Queen

And that was not the thing

So, he killed the Queen but spared Lance

As he was still loyal to his King

SIR CUMFERENCE OF CAMELOT

Sir Cumference of Camelot

Could eclipse the sun in the sky

With the bulk of his obesity

Though he didn’t know why

His physician warned him that

Left unchecked he would die

But he had a hearty appetite

And that was the reason why

Sir Cumference of Camelot

Could eclipse the sun in the sky

And the immensity of his girth

Was caused, by too much pi

STAND FOR THE KING

 

In Cumalot, Big King Dick

Really lived up to his name

In his kingdom he’d shagged

Every damsel and dame

 

Then one summer morning

With not a cloud in the skies

A terrible thing happened

King Dick failed to rise

 

His Royal Prince was limp

Rung out and pathetically flaccid

His mojo had deserted him

King Dicks libido was dead

 

He called the court physician

Who prepared him an elixir

He called the court sorcerer

Who prepared him a philtre

 

But when cure-all and love potion

Failed to raise the dead

They tried erotic love balms

And sexual salves instead

 

But when these proved nostrum

Failing to raise the dead

The King lost his temper

Ordering the removal of their heads

 

He sent for the Royal love-smiths

The most alluring in the land

The dangerously seductive,

Sultry temptresses took him in hand

 

When the Royal Dick was still limp

They tried something else

Kissing every erogenous point

But this failed to quicken his pulse

 

So, after he’d exhausted his supply

Of all his tarts and bints

He called for the Royal carpenter

To fashion him a splint

 

But this was no real solution

And it merely made him wince

Especially when he got a splinter

In his flaccid little Prince

 

He looked at dirty pictures

And he read erotic literature

He watched his soldiers shagging

He was so desperate for a cure

 

So, when everything had failed him

He took to his bed in disgust

Wouldn’t speak to his courtiers

He just reminisced of his lust

 

Then one day sickness was abroad

And he waited for breakfast in bed

Instead of his hot little maid

A mangy old crone came instead

 

He looked at the warty faced crone

Moving about to and fro

And King Dick felt the stirrings

Of the Royal Prince down below

 

He leapt out of bed and grabbed her

And quickly removed his nightgown

Then he bent the crone over a chair

And the little Prince was crowned

 

From that day on in the kingdom

No crone was safe from his lust

Dirty ugly and warty faced 

The Kings little Prince wasn’t fussed

SIR LANCELOT A’BOILS

 

Sir Lancelot A’Boils

On the battlefield

Gave great service to his King

And never thought to yield

 

Sir Lancelot A’Boils

At the court of his King

Gave great service to his Queen

And Arthur didn’t do a thing

 

Sir Lancelot A’Boils

At the court unseen

Gave great service to his King

As King Arthur was a queen

 

Sir Lancelot A’Boils

Camelot’s love machine

Gave great service to the court

To peasant and King and all in between

 

Sir Lancelot A’Boils

Did eventually exceed

Having given a lifetime of service

He died when he tried to shag his steed