CHRISTMAS IS FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

 

Christmas is for friends and family,

But by no means exclusively

After all the Three Wise Men

Were strangers in Bethlehem

IF YOU NEED HELP WHEN MOVING HOUSE

 

If you need help when moving house

You can always call on your buddies

It’s to be expected from everyday friends

But great friends help you move bodies

ROSES AND VIOLETS

 

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

God made your friend pretty,

But what happened to you?

FRIENDSHIP IS DIFFICULT TO DEFINE

 

Friendship is difficult to define

But I think the best example for me

Is when I walk into someone’s house

And Wi-Fi connects automatically

DUE TO THE PITIFUL SIZE

 

Due to the pitiful size of my

Social circle, a lad’s holiday

With me would definitely look

More like a romantic getaway

MY FRIENDS CALL ME SNAKE HIPS

 

My friends call me snake hips

Though not because I’m thin

I earned my unfortunate nickname

Because I have really dry skin

FRIENDSHIP TIP

 

Don’t let a little dispute

Injure a great friendship

Swallow your pride

And quickly make up

CHAMPAGNE TO YOUR REAL FRIENDS?

 

Champagne to your real friends?

And real pain to your sham friends?

Well, that’s Not my idea of friends

ENDSHIP

 

OldfriEND or New FriEND,

BoyfriEND or GirlfriEND,

BestFRIEND or FriEND,

They all have an END

So if you’re looking for longevity

Look no further than family

OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO STRONG

 

Our friendship is so strong

It will never come apart,

Because the bonds of friendship

Come straight from the heart 

MEASURE YOUR LIFE BY THE QUANTITY OF SMILES

Measure your life by the quantity of smiles,

And forget the tears

Measure your age by the quality of friends,

And forget the passing years

WHEN I WALKED INTO MY FRIEND’S HOUSE

 

When I walked into my friend’s house

I can’t describe the mess I found

I thought it had been burgled, but

His grandchildren had been round

BEFORE THE MOMENT PASSES

 

Before the moment passes

I would just like to say

Don’t you ever forget

Not even for a day

How very special you are

In each and everyway

MY BEST FRIEND STOLE MY WIFE

 

My best friend stole my wife

But I decided not to get bitter

And got my revenge on him

Because I let him keep her

TWO OVERWEIGHT LADS

 

Two overweight lads were in the pub

“Your round” one of them suddenly said

The other one took instant offence and

Replied “So are you, you great fat head”

I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS

 

I am blessed with friends

Some of them are fruity

Some are soaked in alcohol

Some of them are nutty

Some are sweet

Some add spice

Some add zest

Some smell nice

An abundance of riches

My friend’s numbers are Rife

And when mixed together

They are the fruit cake of life

SOME PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES

 

Some people come into our lives

And leave footprints on our hearts

Others tread softly leaving no traces

 

But then there are the ones

On who you want to leave boot prints

All over their stupid faces

TRUE COOL

 

They’re the “in crowd”

The cool ones

The clique

 

Wearing the right clothes

Saying the right things

Defining cool

 

The un-cool sit

On the outside looking in

Wishing to be “in”

 

They bully and barrack

And show off to the crowd

The shallow crew

 

Sneering at cleverness

Shaming the boffins

In front of their crowd

 

Soon they will know

They have no future

They’re the cool fools

 

Don’t be envious

Stay with your piers

Friendship rocks

 

Just stand fast

Stick with your friends

That’s true cool

START TO FINISH

 

Start to finish

Beginning to end

Dawn till dusk

Weekday to weekend

Young to old

Forever my friend

THE ANNUAL BIRTHDAY BBQ BASH 2010

 

Don’t the years go quick?

It’s another birthday BBQ

It’s that time of year again

When acquaintance is renewed

 

When family and friends

Come affably together

To eat a hearty meal outdoors

And sod the English weather

 

The beer and wine is chilled

The buffet has been prepared

The BBQ is well alight

No planning has been spared

 

So everything is set fair

Most of the guests are here

But never wanting to be the first

Ted and Rene are last to appear

 

So a brace of Ted’s, a pair of Paul’s

Tina and Becky, Rosemary and Rene

Not to forget Gordon and Wendy

Were all assembled at the scene

 

I should also mention the children

As they are part of the family

But we kept them locked away

And they were forgotten easily

 

We sat in the quiet shade

Beneath the big gazebo

Erected against the expected rain

That thankfully failed to show

 

At last, it’s time to eat

And excitement is running high

As everyone stood up

Tina poked Rosemary in the eye

 

And what did the assailant do

When seeing the result of this act

Was she humbly apologetic?

No, she laughed out loud in fact

 

Then suddenly a disaster occurred

Unrivalled at any previous year

And the nature of this calamity

We were running out of beer

 

So, a quick dash out in the car

To the “Happy Shopper” store

And hopefully unnoticed

Return to home once more

 

I returned and an eerie hush descended

Silencing the function

But nothing sinister occurred

It was simply quiet consumption

 

When the pudding plates were empty

And glasses were refreshed

The dishwasher could be heard

Washing away the mess

 

The afternoon passed nicely by

In comfortable affability

With moments of silliness

And not a small amount of frivolity

 

Tina with hand outstretched

With a ruby ring on her finger

Like the time of her engagement

“Oh, look see the light linger”

 

As usual on these occasions

The cat got all the attention

Not the birthday boy and BBQ chef

I just thought that I would mention

 

And when enough alcohol was drunk

Tea and coffee arrived instead

Not that anyone got smashed

Only a glass, and that was Ted

 

There were uninvited guests

Flies and wasps descended

But traps were set for the Jaspers

And one got decapitated

 

All too soon the time had come

For folk to wend their way

And fond farewells were said

Until we meet on another day

 

Then came the time to draw a breath

And reflect on the festivity

Then open another can of beer

And say happy birthday to ME