ME AND MY MATES

 

Me and my mates

Are in a band

Called Duvet,

We’re a cover band

1 IN 4 PEOPLE ARE HOMOSEXUAL TODAY

 

They say 1 in 4 people are homosexual today

So out of me and my three best male friends

I find myself wondering which one of us is gay

I hope it’s Paul as he’s the really cute friend

 

CHRISTMAS IS FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

 

Christmas is for friends and family,

But by no means exclusively

After all the Three Wise Men

Were strangers in Bethlehem

IF YOU NEED HELP WHEN MOVING HOUSE

 

If you need help when moving house

You can always call on your buddies

It’s to be expected from everyday friends

But great friends help you move bodies

ROSES AND VIOLETS

 

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

God made your friend pretty,

But what happened to you?

FRIENDSHIP IS DIFFICULT TO DEFINE

 

Friendship is difficult to define

But I think the best example for me

Is when I walk into someone’s house

And Wi-Fi connects automatically

DUE TO THE PITIFUL SIZE

 

Due to the pitiful size of my

Social circle, a lad’s holiday

With me would definitely look

More like a romantic getaway

MY FRIENDS CALL ME SNAKE HIPS

 

My friends call me snake hips

Though not because I’m thin

I earned my unfortunate nickname

Because I have really dry skin

FRIENDSHIP TIP

 

Don’t let a little dispute

Injure a great friendship

Swallow your pride

And quickly make up

CHAMPAGNE TO YOUR REAL FRIENDS?

 

Champagne to your real friends?

And real pain to your sham friends?

Well, that’s Not my idea of friends

ENDSHIP

 

OldfriEND or New FriEND,

BoyfriEND or GirlfriEND,

BestFRIEND or FriEND,

They all have an END

So if you’re looking for longevity

Look no further than family

OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO STRONG

 

Our friendship is so strong

It will never come apart,

Because the bonds of friendship

Come straight from the heart 

MEASURE YOUR LIFE BY THE QUANTITY OF SMILES

Measure your life by the quantity of smiles,

And forget the tears

Measure your age by the quality of friends,

And forget the passing years

WHEN I WALKED INTO MY FRIEND’S HOUSE

 

When I walked into my friend’s house

I can’t describe the mess I found

I thought it had been burgled, but

His grandchildren had been round

BEFORE THE MOMENT PASSES

 

Before the moment passes

I would just like to say

Don’t you ever forget

Not even for a day

How very special you are

In each and everyway

MY BEST FRIEND STOLE MY WIFE

 

My best friend stole my wife

But I decided not to get bitter

And got my revenge on him

Because I let him keep her

TWO OVERWEIGHT LADS

 

Two overweight lads were in the pub

“Your round” one of them suddenly said

The other one took instant offence and

Replied “So are you, you great fat head”

I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS

 

I am blessed with friends

Some of them are fruity

Some are soaked in alcohol

Some of them are nutty

Some are sweet

Some add spice

Some add zest

Some smell nice

An abundance of riches

My friend’s numbers are Rife

And when mixed together

They are the fruit cake of life

SOME PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES

 

Some people come into our lives

And leave footprints on our hearts

Others tread softly leaving no traces

 

But then there are the ones

On who you want to leave boot prints

All over their stupid faces

TRUE COOL

 

They’re the “in crowd”

The cool ones

The clique

 

Wearing the right clothes

Saying the right things

Defining cool

 

The un-cool sit

On the outside looking in

Wishing to be “in”

 

They bully and barrack

And show off to the crowd

The shallow crew

 

Sneering at cleverness

Shaming the boffins

In front of their crowd

 

Soon they will know

They have no future

They’re the cool fools

 

Don’t be envious

Stay with your piers

Friendship rocks

 

Just stand fast

Stick with your friends

That’s true cool