ARE YOU WEARING A BOILER SUIT?

 

Are you wearing a boiler suit?

Well it’s not the most flattering wear

But it does have a certain fascination as

I’m fascinated to know what’s under there

ARE YOU WEARING CHIFFON?

 

Are you wearing chiffon?

So you’ve chosen style over substance

But you won’t hear me complain

As transparency tends to enhance

ARE YOU WEARING SKINNY JEANS?

 

Are you wearing skinny jeans?

They are a very skinny pair

But on those lovely slender legs

What else would you wear?

ARE YOU WEARING DENIM JEANS?

Are you wearing denim jeans?

Popular they have always been

But on the older man they’re not

As fashionable as they might seem 

ARE YOU WEARING DENIM SHORTS?

 

Are you wearing denim shorts?

They are cheeky by all reports

The Denim certainly comes up short

You must get some bawdy retorts

ARE YOU WEARING A TUX?

 

Are you wearing a tux?

Urgh that thing really sucks

It’s starting to disconcert

It’s a Tux printed on a t-shirt

ARE YOU WEARING A TANK TOP?

 

Are you wearing a tank top?

Someone should’ve yelled stop

I know charity shops are thrifty   

But it’sas dated in nineteen fifty

ARE YOU WEARING A SWEATER VEST?

 Are you wearing a sweater vest?

Are you doing some kind of test?

Checking how observant people are

And see who notices this faux pas 

ARE YOU WEARING A SHELL SUIT?

Are you wearing a shell suit?

Well don’t you just look cute

But I know where you are heading

And it’s not suitable for a wedding

ARE YOU WEARING A DENIM SKIRT?

 

Are you wearing a denim skirt?

Whether it’s in fashion or not

If you don’t mind me being bold

You manage to make it look hot

ARE YOU WEARING A DENIM SHIRT?

 

Are you wearing a denim shirt?

Well if I may be so bold

Whether it’s in fashion or not

You manage to make it look old

ARE YOU WEARING A COCKTAIL DRESS?

 

Are you wearing a cocktail dress?

And drinking cocktails at the same time

You do know that wearing one without

Drinking the other isn’t actually a crime

ARE YOU WEARING SPANX AGAIN?

 

Are you wearing spanx again?

But they cause you so much pain

When they’re on you look smart

But they restrict your ability to fart

ARE YOU WEARING A MOOB TUBE?

 

Are you wearing a moob tube?

Well, I can’t think what else it could be

Why would you be wearing a life belt?

When we’re seventy miles from the sea

ARE YOU WEARING A BOOB TUBE?

 

Are you wearing a boob tube?

It’s not to my own personal taste

Mainly because I suppose

You’re wearing it around your waist

ARE YOU WEARING POINTY SHOES?

 

Are you wearing pointy shoes?

 Is that because they are on trend?

Well I’m sorry but I have to ask

“Do your toes go right to the end?”

FASHION CYCLES

 

There was a well-dressed person on a unicycle

And a poorly dressed person on a bicycle

A more contrasting pair you could not desire

And the difference between them was attire

ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR FUN?

 

Are you wearing it for fun?

Well that a very funny one

But what’s even funnier

Is that your flies are undone

ARE YOU WEARING OXFORD BAGS?

Are you wearing Oxford Bags?

Well, the obvious question that begs

If they are no longer in fashion

Is it because you have baggy legs 

WE ALL HAVE A SKELETON

 

Let’s be honest we all have

A skeleton in the cupboard, or two

But some people let theirs

Walk the catwalk for the public to view