I TRAPPED A COUPLE OF VEGAN BURGLARS

 

I trapped a couple of Vegan burglars

In my basement to my total disbelief

At least I assumed they were Vegan

Because they keep shouting “Lettuce leaf”

THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY

 

The most effective way,

Which might sound quirky,

To give up veganism

Is quite simply, Cold Turkey

VEGAN PASTIE

 

I just had a vegan pastie,

Which wasn’t bad at all,

It wasn’t Cornish though,

It was made in Quornwall

I ATE A VEGAN SAUSAGE ROLL

 

I ate a vegan sausage roll

And was pleasantly surprised

Considering they don’t eat meat

Vegans are very tasty guys

MY LAST GIRLFRIEND TREATED ME

 

My last girlfriend treated me

Like a piece of meat

That’s because she was a Vegan

And refused to touch me

IF I DISCOVERED A NEW SPECIES

 

If I discovered a new species,

An animal to suit the agrarians

I would have to name it Quorn

To really mess with vegetarians

TOFU GATEAUX

 

For my birthday my kids

Bought me a Tofu Gateaux

Which was as much use to me

As a slinky in a bungalow

VEGETUS # 3

 

My son has announced

His intent to take the pledge

To give up eating meat

He has given to allege

But I don’t know what he’ll eat

As he doesn’t eat veg

VEGETUS # 2

 

Have you ever eaten vegetarian?

Have you done that; do you reckon?

Well, no I haven’t, but I’d like to

Tell me do they taste like chick’n

VEGETUS # 1

 

Have you ever eaten vegetarian?

Is that something you have done?

Well, no I haven’t, but I’d like to

Though I couldn’t eat a whole one

SENIOR MAN

 

In the seventies

Seeds and stems

Were for chilling out

Now I’m in my seventies

Seeds and stems

Are roughage

STAR WARS TODAY

 

If the Star Wars series

Was only just written

Luke would be a vegan

Flying the Millennial Falcon

MY LAST GIRLFRIEND TREATED ME

 

My last girlfriend treated me

Like a piece of meat

That’s because she was a Vegan

And refused to touch me

THERE IS KNOWLEDGE I NEED TO KNOW # 9

There is knowledge I need to know

Which will put me in the box seat

Such as, if vegetarians eat vegetables,

What on earth do humanitarians eat

VEGAN PASTIE

 

I just had a vegan pastie,

Which wasn’t bad at all,

It wasn’t Cornish though,

It was made in Quornwall

VEGGIE

 

I am a vegetarian

But not because

I love animals

I am a vegetarian

Simply because

I hate vegetables

I ATE A VEGAN SAUSAGE ROLL

 

I ate a vegan sausage roll

And was pleasantly surprised

Considering they don’t eat meat

Vegans are very tasty guys