Uncanny Tales – (093) Rewriting History One Fact at A Time # 3

 

If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.

Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the Bulge or countless other attempts by the Americans to rewrite history.

No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.

 

For example, take the 2006 movie “the Holiday” with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black, and Eli Wallach, which. I particularly liked.

It has all the ingredients required for a great Christmas film, engaging characters, humour, pathos, romance, cute kids, and a happy ending, or in this case a multiple happy ending.

That aside the Grinch in me won’t forgive the unpardonable sin of a glaring error and a failure to research correctly.

Eli Wallach’s character, Arthur, asks Iris played by Kate Winslet

“What part of England are you from?”

To which she replies “Surrey”

“Cary Grant was from Surrey” Arthur says.

“That’s right he was” Iris confirms.

No, he bloody wasn’t from Surrey he was from Bristol.

How did they not get that right, why did they not check a simple fact like that?

If they wanted to keep the Cary Grant reference, Iris could have answered Arthur’s question.

“What part of England are you from?”

By saying, “Bristol”

Or if they wanted her to be from Surrey, why didn’t they pick another internationally known actor from Surrey such as Bill Nighy, Colin Firth, Edward Woodward, Julia Ormond, Julie Andrews, Laurence Olivier, Peggy Ashcroft, Peter Cushing, or Ronald Colman.

How simple would that have been “Laurence Olivier was from Surrey” Arthur could have said, but no they had to ruin an otherwise perfectly good film.

Uncanny Tales – (092) Rewriting History One Fact at A Time # 2

 

If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.

Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the Bulge or countless other attempts by the Americans to rewrite history.

No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.

 

For example, in the American hit TV series NCIS there is a character, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo played by Michael Weatherly, who, apart from being a special agent also considers himself to be a bit of film buff.

DiNozzo is constantly either quoting from movies or is making endless film references to accompany any given situation he is in or indeed crime scene he is at.

In one episode he is drawing a parallel between his own situation and that of the characters in the 1938 classic “Angels with Dirty Faces” with James Cagney, Pat O'Brien and Humphrey Bogart.

And the afore mentioned parallel would have been quite apt, had he not made a serious faux pas, well I think it was serious.

He referenced to the fact that Rocky Sullivan and Jerry Connolly grew up as tough kids in Hell's Kitchen, the toughest part of New York, and their destinies were set when Rocky got sent to reform school and Jerry escaped the law and went on to becomes a priest.

So far so good, but where DiNozzo went wrong was to say that the Father Connolly character was played by Bogey (Humphrey Bogart), who was in the film, when he was in fact played by Pat O'Brien.

Quite unforgivable when DiNozzo is supposed to be an aficionado of film.

Uncanny Tales – (091) Rewriting History One Fact at A Time # 1

 

If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.

Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the Bulge or countless other attempts by the Americans to rewrite history.

No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.

 

For example, there was an American sci-fi series in the 90’s called “Babylon 5” which I much enjoyed, and if truth be told I liked it more than the Star Trek equivalent of “Deep Space 9”.

However, in one episode, “Comes the Inquisitor”, there was a character called Sebastian, who it transpired as the story unfolded was in reality Jack the Ripper.

When his true identity came to light during the story it was announced that in the late 1800’s Jack the Ripper plagued London’s West End.

No! No! No! Jack the Ripper did not stalk the theatre district he was too busy amusing himself killing prostitutes in the East End.

It was a simple mistake that just shouldn’t have happened, but it did and there really is no excuse for it this day and age when research is such a simple matter.

I find it difficult to comprehend that such a basic error made it to the airing.

Surely one of the writing team or production staff or even one of the cast, would have asked “Are you sure it was the West End?” but apparently not.

 

Last Christmas my wife bought me the boxed set and when we were watching the relevant episode, we both braced ourselves for the fateful moment and then laughed when we discovered it had been rather amateurishly dubbed.     

IN THE CHANNEL 4 NEWSROOM

 

In the C4 Newsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

IN THE GBNEWSROOM

 

In the GBNewsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

IN THE BBC NEWSROOM

 

In the BBC Newsroom

Just ahead of the action

The producer announces

“Lights Camera Fiction”

POSSESSED BUNDLE

 

My TV programmer is on the blink

The things possessed I'm in no doubt

It records the programs I don't like

And plays them back when I go out

MY REMOTE CONTROL STOPPED WORKING

 

My remote control stopped working

And wouldn’t operate the TV

It turned out that the batteries were dead

It was nothing short of AA calamity

ENTERTAINMENT THESE DAYS

 

Entertainment these days is nothing

But sex and violence, it appears to me

So is it really any surprise that I don’t

Have the time to watch films or TV

BILLY NO MATES

 

My wife has left me

And taken the children

All our friends

Have abandoned me

And taken her side

Then when I put on

The Television set

The show that greets me

Is the Lonely Planet

I WAS WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ON TV

 

I was watching a documentary on TV

Last night about the viewing audience

And the decline in their attention spans

Well I watched some of it in my defense

WHEN I FIRST SAW THE BLUE PLANET

 

When I first saw the Blue Planet

Being advertised on widely on TV

I have to confess that nature wasn’t

The first thought that came to me

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 7

 

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

I can confirm are deceased no more

Though close enough, as they are

Hosting Bake Off on Channel 4

WHAT THE PAPERS SAY

 

They were reviewing the papers

On TV this morning

And A4 is still the most popular

So that’s quite boring

THEY’RE REMAKING OLD TV SHOWS

 

They’re remaking old TV shows

Updating oldies from TV heaven

A Sci-Fi version of “On the Buses”

Is going to be called Blakey’s Seven

HAVING + 1 CHANNELS

 

If you are going to have + 1 channels

There should be a – 1 for everyone

Which would automatically allow

The likely mistake to be easily undone

TURN ON COUNTDOWN

 

Last night I was watching Countdown

And Rachel Riley in a colourful gown

When I told my wife, where I am housed

That when watching Rachel, I got Aroused

I could tell that I had let down my guard

Her instant response was to slap me, hard

She slapped me unconscious how absurd

And all I did was get a seven-letter word

BACK TO BACK DVD’S

 

My wife and I really enjoy

Watching DVD’s back-to-back 

But only one of us can see

The screen which is a drawback

IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE + 1 CHANNELS

If you are going to have + 1 channels

There should be a – 1 for the viewer

Which would automatically erase anything

You may have recorded in error

MY SON HAD A EUREKA MOMENT

 

My son had a eureka moment

And I was quite impressed

He discovered that the volume knob

Could also turn to the left