WOMEN WILL DRESS UP TO GO SHOPPING

 

Women will dress up to go shopping

And for doing chores and errands too

Whereas Men will dress up for Weddings

And funerals, but only if they have to

HE WAS HARD AS NAILS

 

He was hard as nails,

And the man terrified me

His reputation is the fact,

Supported by Testimony,

That he once jogged home

After having a vasectomy

MY HUSBAND IS LIKE A PETROL MOWER

My husband is like a petrol mower

Although he is considerably slower

They are both difficult to get started

Emit foul smells when they’ve farted

And are normally caked in grime

And they only work half the time

SNAGS IS AN ACRONYM

 

SNAGS is an acronym

For “Sensitive New Age Guy’s”

But don’t all men come with snags?

Just like turds come with flies 

ARE YOU WEARING A MANLY CHIN?

 

Are you wearing a manly chin?

All dimply and square jawed

Very good looking indeed

But I bet you’re as dumb as a board

THE MAN-O-GRAM

 

I left the county hospital

In some considerable distress

They made me put my todger

Inside a bloody trouser press

WISE OLD SAGE

 

It was previously said

By a very wise man

“I don’t know

Ask a woman”

MANNOGRAM

 

A mannogram is a new test

And is the most effective way

Of detecting if a man has a heart

So, get yours checked out today

UNFORGETTABLE

 

He was such a forgetful man

He was like the absent-minded professor

Unfortunately, he was so forgetful

That he forgot to become a professor

EPIDEMIC TO PANDEMIC

 

The UK swine flu cases

Have now reach sixty-two

But the shocking news

That’s being kept from you

Is of the 35 million

Confirmed cases of man flu

A BLOCKED VALVE

 

I have some information to impart

Why it is that men snore

When they lie on their backs

Is the time they do it more

It’s a simple case of physics

Because their dangly bits of genitalia

Hang down to block their anal orifice

Which in turn causes apnea

MEN ARE ALL THE SAME

 

Men are all the same

Let’s say that from the start

They have different faces

But only to tell them apart

Like distinguishing marks

And another alarming fact

If, all men are created equal

How sad is that?

SLEEPING BEAUTIES

 

Men wake up looking pretty much as they did

The night before when they went to bed

While women wake up looking an awful fright

Because they manage to deteriorate during the night

ACUMEN AND WOMEN

 

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item

But only when it’s something he needs

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item

Because it’s on sale and not out of need

HAIR CARE FOR MEN

The great thing about being a man

Is you can have the same hairstyle for years

And waking in the morning with a moustache

Doesn’t make you burst into tears

But perhaps the best thing of all

You only have to shave your facial hairs

FIRST GOD CREATED ADAM

 

First God created Adam

Then from Adams rib, created Eve

But why did God make man first

Why was a woman, not first conceived?

Well if the truth be told

God created Adam first you see

As you must have a rough draft

Before making the final copy

WHINING LITTLE…..

Little boys will whine

More than now or then

And they do it because

They’re practicing to be men

TRUST A MAN

Only when a man is

Handcuffed securely 

Chained, restrained

Or bound up firmly

Can he ever be

Considered trustworthy

BRAINIAC

God gave men larger brains

Than cats and doggies

So they won't hump women's legs

At cocktails parties

I THINK IT’S MISOGYNISTIC

 

I think it’s misogynistic

To use the word misogyny

I’m not being pedantic but

It should be ms-ogyny