BOB HOPE ONCE SAID

 

Middle age is when

Your age will start to show up

Around your middle

I KNOW I AM MIDDLE AGED WITHOUT ANY DOUBT

 

I know I am Middle aged without any doubt

Because when given a choice when I was out

Between two temptations, I have to confess

I chose the one that got me home the soonest

MIDDLE AGE IS THE TIME

 

Middle age is the time

When it takes you all night

To do once, what once,

You used to do all night

AT MY ADVANCED AGE # 1

 

At my advanced age I’m sometimes

Overwhelmed by the urge to get home

Get into my elastic waisted trousers

And enjoy the comfort of the room

MIDDLE AGED HOLIDAY

 

I knew I had reached Middle age

We I went on holiday to Valetta

And among summer clothes

In my suitcase was a sweater

IT'S TRUE THAT LIFE BEGINS AT FIFTY

 

It's true that life begins at fifty

Of that I don’t think there’s a doubt

But it's then that everything else starts

To wear out, fall out, or spread out

IF YOU STAND AND LOOK IN THE FULL-LENGTH MIRROR

 

If you stand and look in the full-length mirror

And see a beer belly, bald head, varicose veins

Strawberry nose, and a complexion like leather

Think positively, at least your eyesight remains

I HAVE A MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS # 1

 

I have a memory foam mattress

And I awake fresh at cock crow

I just wish it would remember me

As I was at least twenty years ago

MAMIL IS AN ACRONYM

 

MAMIL is an acronym

For “Middle Aged Men In Lycra”

I have to confess that’s not the word

I use for an old peddle cycler

MIDDLE-AGED CONTRACEPTION

 

I have found that at my age

The best form of contraception

That works for me anyway

Is to leave the bedroom light on

WHAT IS THE POINT FOR A WOMAN

 

What is the point for a woman of a certain age

Wearing a see-through negligee

When all the men of her acquaintance aren’t able

To see through it anyway

DON’T SEE GROWING OLD AS A NEGATIVE

 

Don’t see growing old as a negative

Ageing is like fine wine so

It gets better with age,

But you’ve got some way to go

LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 5

 

You've reached the big four-0

You're getting old and so

It’s time for you to take it slow

It may not be what you wished

But make up for what you’ve missed

Grab a bottle and then get pissed

I WOULD NEVER HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE THIRTY

 

I would never have known you were thirty

You're not at all like a thirty-year-old

You are very youthful in many ways

But the giveaway, if I may be bold

Was not your youthful appearance at all

Your taste in music was your downfall

OLD GEEZER FOR SALE

50 year old,

Needs TLC, well used

One previous owner

No reasonable offer refused

LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 4

 

You've reached a milestone

A really significant age

You've joined the over 40's

You have turned a new page

So happy birthday darling

I hope you enjoy your surprise

Because now you’re forty

Your age matches your bust size

BIRTHDAY TELEGRAM

Bad news, Her Majesty isn't sending you

A telegram this year, but don’t despair

There is nothing to be concerned about

She's happy to know you're halfway there

LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 3

 

You’re forty years old

Which is when, they say

Life begins for you

On that most special day

But if you drink too much

You will certainly pay

Because now you’re old

You’ll be hungover all day

THE BEST YEARS OF A WOMAN'S LIFE

The best years of a woman's life

Are the ones she feels naughty

And it’s those ten special years

Between thirty-nine and forty

LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 2

Don’t be scared of being Forty

Meet the milestone with defiance

You’re no really forty, but eighteen

With twenty-two years of experience!