THE MOST OBEDIENT INANIMATE OBJECTS

 

The most obedient inanimate objects

Are Bells, if I may make so bold

And the reason for that is they make

A noise whenever they are tolled

DO YOU WANT TO SEE A NAKED HARPIST

 

“Do you want to see a naked harpist?”

I was asked and of course replied yes please

But I was told that I mustn’t touch the harp

Because of the risk of catching harpies

I ONCE WENT OUT WITH A HARPIST

 

I once went out with a harpist

Who played it naked, except for specs

She wasn’t very good but afterwards

We had No strings attached sex

IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 3

 

If clergymen can be defrocked

Can a promoter be demoted?

Should writers be described?

And musicians be denoted?

IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 2

 

If clergymen can be defrocked

Then can dry cleaners get de-pressed

Or must songwriters be de-composed

And hair stylists get dis-tressed?

MY MUSIC TASTES ARE QUITE ECLECTIC

 

My music tastes are quite eclectic

So, in almost any genre I easily fit

From classical to electro swing

But rap music is an oxymoron, isn’t it?

IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN

 

If you’re a Take That fan

Then Christmas could be shocking

If you’re expecting to find

An Orange in your stocking

LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 1

 

Is there anything more annoying?

Is anything quite as wrong?

As the DJ on the radio

Not telling you who sang the song

I CAN HEAR REALLY ANNOYING MUSIC

 

I can hear really annoying music

And it’s getting to be a real pain

It’s emanating from inside my printer

I think the paper's jammin' again

I CAN’T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT

 

I can’t play my instrument

We were mismatched

So, I am selling my guitar

No strings attached

WHEN POLICE SEARCHED THE HOME

 

When Police searched the home

Of Cliff Richard, and were to seize

A very large amount of material

Because they were led to believe

There was a link to Yew Tree

And they found among the amalgam

To their complete and utter disgust

That he was releasing a new album

CLASSICAL MUSIC MOVES ME

 

Classical music moves me

I’ve loved it from an early age

And although I can’t comprehend

The dots on the page

The music that they reveal

Is understood in any language

I AM A LOVER OF PUCCINI

 

I am a lover of Puccini

And his music is so powerful

That the meaning of the words

Are almost immaterial

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 232

 

Rim strim stram-a-diddle

Larra-bum-a-ring ting

Rig-num bulletin a-ky-mo!

Ah that’s Jazz man

I ASKED THE DJ STRAIGHT

 

I asked the DJ straight

Do you do requests mate

Yes, geezer just name it

Turn the volume down a bit

FESTIVAL TOILETS

 

At the festival toilets

There was a bit of a queue

Which got a bit out of hand

To my view

But we all survived

The Battle of Portaloo

THE IDLE RHYTHM

The idle rhythm

Of Her song

Soothes the soul

And cools like balm

The molten heat

Of raw desire

GREAT ROYAL WIFE NEFERTITI

 

Great Royal wife Nefertiti

Was the Ancient Egyptian Queen

Good time girl Nefertutu

Is just a modern dancing Queen

MY DOG MUST BE MUSICAL

 

My dog must be musical

What rubbish I hear you groan

But he must be I tell you

As I saw him eating a trombone

DANCING TO HIP HOP

 

I like breakin’ and poppin’

And dancing to Hip hop

At Sixty I should be stoppin’

As I’m down for a Hip op