WRITERS ANGST # 2

 

The thing that gives me anxiety

Are people reading my stories

But even worse than that are

People not reading my stories

WRITERS ANGST # 1

 

The thing that gives me anxiety

For the most part is not writing

But the thing that gives me

The most anxiety of all is writing

A MANUSCRIPT IS ALWAYS CALLED AN MS

 

A manuscript is always called an MS,

After the prospective Authors submit,

By the publishing house because that

Is the state the receiving editor finds it

WHEN YOU ARE WRITING A STORY

 

When you are writing a story

About losing your virginity

Please do one thing for certain

And put it in the first person

MY POETIC LICENSE

 

Something has happened

That I don’t think is nice

Because my poetic license

Has been revoked, Twice

WRITING JOKES FOR COMICS

 

I sit alone in a room

Writing jokes for comics

To earn my money

But on my own I wonder

If I’m the only person on the planet

Who thinks it's funny

So, riddled with self-doubt

I’m terrified of finding out

WHEN I WAS IN A WRITING TEAM

 

When I was in a writing team

We was write a gag and get a laugh

Now it’s just me and a word processor

And it's hard to make the bastard laugh

HE WAS AN ASPIRING NOVELIST

He was an aspiring novelist

And an uncomplicated fella

Who wrote in the basement

Clearly hoping for a best cellar

IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 3

 

If clergymen can be defrocked

Can a promoter be demoted?

Should writers be described?

And musicians be denoted?

I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT INDEPENDENCE

 

I wanted to write a book about independence

About people achieving their destiny

A ground-breaking piece of literature

Unfortunately, my mum wouldn't let me

I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT MACHISMO

 

I wanted to write a book about machismo

About real men achieving their destiny

A ground-breaking piece of literature

Unfortunately, my wife wouldn't let me

I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT FEMINISM

 

I wanted to write a book about feminism

About women achieving their destiny

A ground-breaking piece of literature

Unfortunately, my boyfriend wouldn't let me

MY UNCLE HAS WRITTEN AN EXPOSE

 

My Uncle has written an expose

It’s a real kiss and tell

About being a vet, it’s called

All creatures grunt and smell

WHERE HAVE ALL THE READERS GONE?

Where have all the readers gone, long time passing?

Where have all the readers gone, long time ago?

Where have all the readers gone?

UKAuthors have nicked them everyone.

Oh, when will they ever learn?

Oh, when will they ever learn? 

SHE READ A POEM

 

She read a poem

Out loud to me

On a quiet afternoon

That touched me,

Awakened me,

Stirred my soul

And my dulled senses

As she read

It flowed over me

Like scented honey

Each word a caress

Each syllable a kiss

A soothing balm

Of evocative beauty

Whose feeling,

In metrical form

Left me unshackled

Releasing me, from

My contented taupe

Free to soar

On poetic wings

I LOST MY THESAURUS TODAY

 

I lost my thesaurus today

It was after the exam

I can’t find the words to describe

How upset I am

DICTIONARIES AND LEXICONS

Dictionaries and Lexicons

Are crucial to most authors

And we all wonder if there’s

Another word for Thesaurus 

TOM SHARPE RIP

 

He wrote Vintage Stuff

Of Riotous Assembly

And Indecent Exposure

He liked his Porterhouse Blue

In The Great Pursuit

And was no Blott on the landscape

Nor was he The Throwback

With Ancestral Vices

And in the end he didn’t die

It was just a simple case of Wilt

WHERE THE WHITE RABBIT WENT

Where the white rabbit went

Then young Alice followed

And down a rabbit hole they went

And both of them were swallowed

THE POET DIPS HIS QUILL

 

The poet dips his quill

In the inkwell of the muse

The resulting flowing words

Are the fruit of thought

Gathered on the page

In a Poetic harvest