21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 2

 

It's raining, it's pouring;

Politicians are snoring.

They had their chance

To save the world

Now we’re screwed by global warming           

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – ANSWERING THE CALL

 

In class one day a boy named Benny

Needed to go to the toilet suddenly

So, he called out loudly to Miss

“Please I really need to take a piss”

The teacher said “No you must wait”

“The correct word to use is urinate”

If you use “urinate” in a sentence correctly

I will allow you to go to the lavatory

And so thought the boy called Benny

Desperate now to spend a penny

“You're an eight miss” says young Ben

“But if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!”

DON’T THROW ME ON THE SCRAP HEAP

 

Don’t throw me on the scrap heap

Just because I’m old

I still have talent and skills to offer

If I may be so bold

My talent is called multi-tasking

Or so I’ve been led to believe

And I can simultaneously wet myself

And laugh, cough, fart and sneeze

LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD

 

A breath of fresh air

Comes our way

As he struts the stage

Like JFK

And talks the talk

Like Martin Luther King

As he galvanizes allies

From either wing

He holds our hopes

In his African American hands

Let’s hope he fulfils

All his promised plans

And that Barack Obama

The young congressman

Leads us as President

To Dr Kings promised land

HONEYMOON ADVICE

 

On your wedding night

And you are nervous

And full of trepidations

Don’t sit up all night

Awaiting the arrival

Of your sexual relations

MIRROR, MIRROR

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Am I the loveliest of them all?

Mirror, mirror tell me for sure

To stop me feeling insecure

 

Mirror, mirror hanging there

You needn’t tell me I look fair

Let me think that I look slim

So I can look good for him

 

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Tell me that my bum is small

Mirror, mirror looking glass

Tell me that’s not all my arse 

I WOULD IF I COULD

 

I would if I could

But I can’t so I shan’t

How good if I should

But I can’t which I grant

If I could I know I would

But I can’t so I shan’t

Oh, how good if I should

But I chant I can’t, I can’t