HE HAD A CRUSH ON HIS TEACHER

 

He had a crush on his teacher

And he thought she said be mine,

While she was marking his essay

And what she said was B minus

MY TEACHER IS EXTREMELY ANCIENT

 

My teacher is extremely ancient

But I don’t want to be thought a fool  

But it is the truth as he told us

He taught Shakespeare at his old school

THE MUSIC TEACHER WAS FOUND GUILTY

 

The music teacher was found guilty

And put on the sex offenders register

He was giving guitar lessons and

Was arrested for fingering A minor

INTERRUPTING ANNETTE

 

“Give me a sentence starting with “I”“

The teacher asked young Annette

“I is...” she began but teacher interrupted

“No, always say, “I am”, Annette”

The girl looked puzzled, but complied

“I am the ninth letter of the alphabet”

A TEACHER HELD A SPELLING BEE

 A teacher held a spelling bee and asked

“Kyle, how do you spell “crocodile?”“

“K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L” he said

“No, that's not the way to spell Crocodile”

Said the teacher “Maybe it’s wrong, but you

Asked me how I spell it” explained Kyle

I UPSET MY ENGLISH TEACHER

 

I upset my English teacher

So, I tried to comfort her

And said There, Their, They’re

MR ONION TOLD A JOKE IN CLASS

Mr Onion told a joke in class

He’s a bore so I don’t know why

But he told it anyway and we

Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry

MY CROSS EYED TEACHER WAS SACKED

 

My cross-eyed teacher was sacked

The governors have no scruples

They said it wasn’t her disability

But that she couldn't control her pupils

STUDY BUDDY

 

She was just my study buddy

She wasn’t anything to me

She just agreed to help me out

With physics and chemistry

 

She was just my study buddy

She wasn’t interesting to me

But I’m not sure how it happened

But now were doing biology

SUNDAY SCHOOL QUERY

 

Joshua was asked at a Sunday school meeting

“Do you say a prayer at home before eating”? 

Joshua was puzzled at the query, truth to tell

“No, we don't have to, my Mum cooks very well”

MY CAT STORY

 

The teacher questioned Samuel about his homework

“I have just read your story entitled “my cat”

And it is almost exactly the same as your brothers

What do you have to say to that”?

“Well, I didn’t copy Joshua’s story miss” Samuel said

“It’s just that well, we have the same cat”

IF YOU ASK A STUPID QUESTION

 

Joshua was caught talking to a friend during assembly

“What do you call a person” asked the headmaster

“Who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested”? 

Joshua thought and to great applause he said “A teacher”   

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – ANSWERING THE CALL

 

In class one day a boy named Benny

Needed to go to the toilet suddenly

So, he called out loudly to Miss

“Please I really need to take a piss”

The teacher said “No you must wait”

“The correct word to use is urinate”

If you use “urinate” in a sentence correctly

I will allow you to go to the lavatory

And so thought the boy called Benny

Desperate now to spend a penny

“You're an eight miss” says young Ben

“But if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!”

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – A QUESTION OF SYLLABLES

 

“Ok class, today we will learn

About words with multi syllables”

The teacher addressed her class

“Does anyone have an example?”

One boy put up his hand

“Please miss I have an example”

He wrote on the blackboard “Mas-tur-bate”

Then said “that is my example”

The teacher was a little embarrassed
"Gosh that’s a mouthful."
"No, Miss, you're thinking of a blowjob

And that has fewer syllables”

SAY IT AINT SO

 

“What is the chemical formula for water?”

The science teacher said to young Joe

Joe confidently stood up and replied

H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O,

“That’s not even close” the teacher shouted

Joe said “Last week you said it was H to O”

A WHALE OF A TALE

 

Little Maya was talking to her teacher About Jonah and the Whale

Her teacher said it was physically impossible and it was just a tale

Little Maya insisted to her teacher Jonah was swallowed by a Whale

Her teacher reiterated it was not possible and that it was just a tale

The Little Maya said "I will ask Jonah When I get to heaven."

Irritated the teacher replied “what if Jonah didn’t go to heaven”

“What if Jonah went to hell instead how will you ask him then?”

Little Maya smiled and then she said “Well you can ask him then"

PICTURE THIS

 

The school had been photographed

All of the children and all the staff

The proofs had come back promptly

And the teacher’s task was simply

Persuading them to buy a copy then

"Just think how nice it will be when

You will be able to look at it one day

When you are all grown up and say,

'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or

‘that’s Michael, he's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back then said

"And there's the teacher, she's dead."

TESTING SEX

 

At the end of the day

The teacher announces

“There is a test tomorrow

I will accept few excuses”

“Only a nuclear war,

Death or a serious injury

To yourself or one of

Your immediate family”

One smart ass inquired

By way of an interruption

“What if I’m suffering?

From total sexual exhaustion”

There was a lot of laughter

The teacher just smiled

Then she said to the student

“Write with your other hand”

MY TEACHER IS EXTREMELY ANCIENT

My teacher is extremely ancient

But I don’t want to be thought a fool  

But it is the truth as he told us

He taught Shakespeare at his old school

MY CROSS EYED TEACHER WAS DISMISSED

 

My cross eyed teacher was dismissed

The governors have no scruples

They said it wasn’t her disability

But that she couldn't control her pupils