21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 47

 

Baa, baa black sheep, have you any wool?

No sir, no sir, we don’t have any wool!

Are you a nutter? Are you insane?

This is the butchers, the wool shops down the lane.

BEWARE THE IDES…

Caesar and Brutus were talking one day

About the phones with the most cachet

They discussed the best deals of the day

Then friend Brutus thought to say

“What network are you with by the way?”

Caesar promptly replied “O2 Brute” 

STUDENT PROTESTS # 2

 

Most of them missed an episode of countdown

Some left home halfway through cash in the attic

What could have stirred them from their apathy?

Something momentous or, earth shatteringly dramatic

 

Well sadly nothing noble or for the common good

It was just an excuse for them to break the law

The Nett result is an even greater burden on the public purse

Ensuring the next generation will pay even more

SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS

When I was on an Alaskan island

I was sure I had seen an optician

Just as plain as the nose on my face

But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

HOUSEWIFE

 

When I used to leave the house

I kissed my wife goodbye

Now as I leave my wife

I have kissed the house goodbye

CONDOM

 

In the Middle Ages

The condom was invented

Using a goat's lower intestine

So, pregnancy could be prevented

It was an innovation of its time

But birth rates were un-dented

So, a simple modification was made

Resulting in a drop in births

They simply removed the intestine

From the goat first

HELP LINE # 2

I phoned the incontinence help line today

“I’m Mrs. Brown, can you help me pray”

But I was extremely disappointed to be told

By the disembodied voice that I should hold