AMBLING ANNE

 

Because of her confident stride

Everyone noticed Anne Boleyn

And the King set his cap at her

As her rivals would only amble in

Uncanny Tales – (099) Heart of Oak

 

It’s 1660 and after the death of the puritan tyrant Cromwell the monarchy has been restored under Charles the II.

In the south of England, the summer is fading as the land is hastened into autumn.

Jay’s and squirrels compete in the oak forests for the acorns both burying them in the rich earth in store for the winter ahead.

 

“It’s cold, very cold and wet” It said to itself “and I can’t see anything.”

This went on for some time although how much time it was unable to say as it had no means by which to measure.

On some days it was impossible to move as the penetrating cold held it vice like.

On others it is awash and almost floating.

Then things felt different it was warmer and it was changing, and a most peculiar feeling came over it.

There was a tearing sensation, and it was moving upwards, and it was getting warmer and warmer.

All of a sudden it wasn’t dark anymore.

The acorn had burst forth from the rich earth as a seedling oak.

The seedling felt fantastic and the feelings it was experiencing were like no others it had ever felt before.

Then came the time to survey its new surroundings it was in an open space surrounded by huge oak trees one of which had produced the acorn from which it emerged.

The ground was dappled with golden patches which moved from place to place.

Beyond the huge oaks were more open spaces and more mighty oaks as far as it could see.

In the other open spaces, there were more seedlings also taking in their new situations.

But apart from the trees there were creatures of various shapes and sizes from small things with lots of legs to large four-legged creatures and other that flew in the air.

Some creatures actually ate the smaller ones.

The very big creatures occasionally trampled the tiny seedlings, it was not looking forward to that.    

On the whole the seedling thought its new situation was very nice indeed.

However, it had not yet experienced rain, hail, wind, fog, frost, and snow.

 

It’s now 1760 and mad King George III takes to the throne where he remains for sixty years.

 

The seedling is now a strong young oak, young and in it prime and does not fear the trampling beasts of the forest.

Its view is still restricted to the surrounding Oaks and clearings although he now towers over the latest crop of seedlings.

Some of the once mighty oaks lay broken on the ground brought down by a combination of age and wind or the weight of snow.

These are now the habitat of the many legged creatures.

 

1860 and Queen Victoria rules the land and times they are a changing a revolution is taking place, the industrial revolution and this revolution is driven by great wood burning machines.

 

The oak is now middle aged and stout it is now among the tallest trees in its part of the forest though its view is relatively unchanged, for now.

The oak has noticed the air tastes different and there is a sound in the distance that was not there before.

Everything else remains the same the creatures come and go until one day a new creature arrives it is four legged but only uses two the oak does not like this creature. it smells different, it smells of death.

The two legged one was the first of many, but they all had the same smell.

 

1960 Queen Elizabeth II is on the throne and again the land stands on the brink of another revolution this time it’s the sexual revolution where the world dives headlong into a spiral of depravity.

 

The oak stands in a small wood he is the largest and grandest of the trees remaining.

The two-legged ones devoured the old forest for their machines which drove their revolution and their wars.

All those many years the oak craved to see beyond the other oaks and clearings now craved only the old views.

 

2005 Queen Elizabeth II still reigns the land, but it is now a land where the people have learned the value of what nature is are resolved to protect what they have left and if possible, add to it and are full of optimism for the future.

    

Our oak now stands a full 70 feet tall and proudly looks down upon a new forest, a young forest of seedlings and saplings.

Our oak is old and tired, but it is content that the forest which it knows it will never see mature knows all the same that mature it will.

One day when it has been felled by the wind or the weight of snow and it becomes the habitat for the many legged ones it will return to the enrich the earth from whence it came those many years ago.

It may well be that once the Jays and squirrels have competed for the crop of acorns it will again burst forth from the rich earth as a seedling oak.

 

Uncanny Tales – (097) The Call of Duty – They’ve Got Us Surrounded

 

Being a man of a certain age, I have always been a great admirer of the generation ahead of me and there resoluteness in the face of adversity.

Their resilience and fortitude during the Second World War when ordinary men and women donned the many and various uniforms of the armed forces and stood up to be counted.

In the beginning it was a voluntary system, and you had some level of choice as to what arm of the forces you wanted to go into but once you chose your preferred service there was no guarantee that you would get it and once in you had no control as to what you would end up doing.

Now obviously some roles were more dangerous than others but nonetheless I still think they were very brave.

There wasn’t really a cushy number to be had you were all in the firing line to some degree.

And it wasn’t just those in military uniform who risked their lives.

Police, Firemen, ARP, fire watchers, Observers and the merchant marine were just as brave.

 

If it were me joining up back, then I’m not sure which service I would have preferred.

But whatever service you ended up with or the role within it there were some more hazardous than others.

Some so hazardous that it was like wearing a target along with the uniform.

The peril that some of them placed themselves under was truly astonishing and there are a number who deserve special mention, so I have picked one example from each service and one civilian occupation to illustrate the courage that was commonplace.

 

Paratroopers

 

Finding a candidate from the Army was quite difficult as it is such a broad church.

With many suitable examples to choose from but after some little thought I settled on the paratroopers who I once heard described as the “umbrella danglers”.

In army strategy one of the cardinal sins is to allow your forces to become surrounded or cut off from the main body.

I remember reading about an American soldier from one of their airborne divisions, it was after the Germans had broken through the Allied lines in the heavily forested Ardennes region of Wallonia in Belgium which is perhaps better known as the Battle of the Bulge.

The soldier was reporting to his officer on the situation and said.

“The Germans have us surrounded sir”.

The officer looked directly at the young soldier and replied.

“We’re paratrooper’s son, we’re supposed to be surrounded”.

And that kind of sums them up really.

Uncanny Tales – (096) The Call of Duty – Above Us the Waves

 

Being a man of a certain age, I have always been a great admirer of the generation ahead of me and there resoluteness in the face of adversity.

Their resilience and fortitude during the Second World War when ordinary men and women donned the many and various uniforms of the armed forces and stood up to be counted.

In the beginning it was a voluntary system, and you had some level of choice as to what arm of the forces you wanted to go into but once you chose your preferred service there was no guarantee that you would get it and once in you had no control as to what you would end up doing.

Now obviously some roles were more dangerous than others but nonetheless I still think they were very brave.

There wasn’t really a cushy number to be had you were all in the firing line to some degree.

And it wasn’t just those in military uniform who risked their lives.

Police, Firemen, ARP, fire watchers, Observers and the merchant marine were just as brave.

 

If it were me joining up back, then I’m not sure which service I would have preferred.

But whatever service you ended up with or the role within it there were some more hazardous than others.

Some so hazardous that it was like wearing a target along with the uniform.

The peril that some of them placed themselves under was truly astonishing and there are a number who deserve special mention, so I have picked one example from each service and one civilian occupation to illustrate the courage that was commonplace.

 

Submariners

 

Unlike the other branches my candidate for the Navy was a no brainer there can be no braver section of the Senior Service than the Submariners.

Most Navy men devote all their collective effort to keep their vessel afloat, but the submariners deliberately submerge themselves.

Even sailing in a submerged boat during peacetime was a dangerous occupation.

But in wartime it was necessary to spent prolonged periods under water and for that you have to be a special type of person.

At the dangers were many, Enemy Cruisers spewing depth charges, Submarine hunting aircraft, strong currents, minefields, and submerged hazards.

And should any one of those result in damage to the sub no one was going to come and find you.

Uncanny Tales – (095) The Call of Duty - On A Wing and A Prayer

 

Being a man of a certain age, I have always been a great admirer of the generation ahead of me and there resoluteness in the face of adversity.

Their resilience and fortitude during the Second World War when ordinary men and women donned the many and various uniforms of the armed forces and stood up to be counted.

In the beginning it was a voluntary system, and you had some level of choice as to what arm of the forces you wanted to go into but once you chose your preferred service there was no guarantee that you would get it and once in you had no control as to what you would end up doing.

Now obviously some roles were more dangerous than others but nonetheless I still think they were very brave.

There wasn’t really a cushy number to be had you were all in the firing line to some degree.

And it wasn’t just those in military uniform who risked their lives.

Police, Firemen, ARP, fire watchers, Observers and the merchant marine were just as brave.

 

If it were me joining up back, then I’m not sure which service I would have preferred.

But whatever service you ended up with or the role within it there were some more hazardous than others.

Some so hazardous that it was like wearing a target along with the uniform.

The peril that some of them placed themselves under was truly astonishing and there are a number who deserve special mention, so I have picked one example from each service and one civilian occupation to illustrate the courage that was commonplace.

 

Glider Pilots

 

Finding a candidate from the air force was quite difficult as I have always thought that military pilots in wartime were very brave whether in fighters or bombers, on the attack or in defence and I hold them in the highest esteem.

But my greatest admiration has to be reserved for the glider pilots.

As such you need to be every bit as competent at flying powered aircraft and a bit more.

These pilots had to fly into enemy territory normally at night and land a fully laden aircraft of equipment or soldiers, and land on a precise spot in the dark or at best half-light.

And if you manage to avoid being shot down on route by enemy fighters or blown out of the sky by anti-aircraft fire or crash the glider on impact.

You then stop being a pilot and become a soldier and fight with the men you were carrying.

So, if you were carrying a glider full of Royal Marine Commandos you had to join them to their objective and fight as a Commando, what a daunting prospect.

Uncanny Tales – (094) The Call of Duty - For Those in Peril on the Sea

 

Being a man of a certain age, I have always been a great admirer of the generation ahead of me and there resoluteness in the face of adversity.

Their resilience and fortitude during the Second World War when ordinary men and women donned the many and various uniforms of the armed forces and stood up to be counted.

In the beginning it was a voluntary system, and you had some level of choice as to what arm of the forces you wanted to go into but once you chose your preferred service there was no guarantee that you would get it and once in you had no control as to what you would end up doing.

Now obviously some roles were more dangerous than others but nonetheless I still think they were very brave.

There wasn’t really a cushy number to be had you were all in the firing line to some degree.

And it wasn’t just those in military uniform who risked their lives.

Police, Firemen, ARP, fire watchers, Observers and the merchant marine were just as brave.

 

If it were me joining up back, then I’m not sure which service I would have preferred.

But whatever service you ended up with or the role within it there were some more hazardous than others.

Some so hazardous that it was like wearing a target along with the uniform.

The peril that some of them placed themselves under was truly astonishing and there are a number who deserve special mention, so I have picked one example from each service and one civilian occupation to illustrate the courage that was commonplace.

 

The Merchant Navy

 

I was spoilt for choice in the civilian occupation, the mere fact that you are unarmed and for the most part non-combatants qualify as brave in war time, but I think my candidates are beyond brave.

 

If you joined the Royal Navy in wartime, you could rightly expect to face danger and discomfort no matter what sized vessel you found yourself in.

Battling with enemy warships, risking submarine attack or Dive bombing went with the territory.

In short, they were a highly trained body of men manning state of the art vessels.

I certainly wouldn’t want to diminish the image of the Senior Service and the life of a Sailor was certainly hazardous enough, but my admiration is with the Merchant Seaman.

 

These men were often ineligible to serve in the armed forces either because of age of fitness yet they risked their lives on a regular basis in order to deliver vital materials to our beleaguered island.

The Merchantmen consisted of vessels of every size some as big as a heavily armed Battleship, physically and literary as big a target as a warship, but without the means to defend yourself apart from light antiaircraft defences.

Crossing a vast ocean like the Atlantic in a convoy, carrying vital supplies for the home front in the foulest of conditions at the mercy of the elements and the wolf packs of hunting U-boats.

 

These were brave men indeed who frequently ran the gauntlet on our behalf and when they had a ship sunk beneath them there first thought was to sign on with another ship.

Uncanny Tales – (093) Rewriting History One Fact at A Time # 3

 

If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.

Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the Bulge or countless other attempts by the Americans to rewrite history.

No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.

 

For example, take the 2006 movie “the Holiday” with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black, and Eli Wallach, which. I particularly liked.

It has all the ingredients required for a great Christmas film, engaging characters, humour, pathos, romance, cute kids, and a happy ending, or in this case a multiple happy ending.

That aside the Grinch in me won’t forgive the unpardonable sin of a glaring error and a failure to research correctly.

Eli Wallach’s character, Arthur, asks Iris played by Kate Winslet

“What part of England are you from?”

To which she replies “Surrey”

“Cary Grant was from Surrey” Arthur says.

“That’s right he was” Iris confirms.

No, he bloody wasn’t from Surrey he was from Bristol.

How did they not get that right, why did they not check a simple fact like that?

If they wanted to keep the Cary Grant reference, Iris could have answered Arthur’s question.

“What part of England are you from?”

By saying, “Bristol”

Or if they wanted her to be from Surrey, why didn’t they pick another internationally known actor from Surrey such as Bill Nighy, Colin Firth, Edward Woodward, Julia Ormond, Julie Andrews, Laurence Olivier, Peggy Ashcroft, Peter Cushing, or Ronald Colman.

How simple would that have been “Laurence Olivier was from Surrey” Arthur could have said, but no they had to ruin an otherwise perfectly good film.

Uncanny Tales – (092) Rewriting History One Fact at A Time # 2

 

If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.

Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the Bulge or countless other attempts by the Americans to rewrite history.

No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.

 

For example, in the American hit TV series NCIS there is a character, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo played by Michael Weatherly, who, apart from being a special agent also considers himself to be a bit of film buff.

DiNozzo is constantly either quoting from movies or is making endless film references to accompany any given situation he is in or indeed crime scene he is at.

In one episode he is drawing a parallel between his own situation and that of the characters in the 1938 classic “Angels with Dirty Faces” with James Cagney, Pat O'Brien and Humphrey Bogart.

And the afore mentioned parallel would have been quite apt, had he not made a serious faux pas, well I think it was serious.

He referenced to the fact that Rocky Sullivan and Jerry Connolly grew up as tough kids in Hell's Kitchen, the toughest part of New York, and their destinies were set when Rocky got sent to reform school and Jerry escaped the law and went on to becomes a priest.

So far so good, but where DiNozzo went wrong was to say that the Father Connolly character was played by Bogey (Humphrey Bogart), who was in the film, when he was in fact played by Pat O'Brien.

Quite unforgivable when DiNozzo is supposed to be an aficionado of film.

Uncanny Tales – (091) Rewriting History One Fact at A Time # 1

 

If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.

Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the Bulge or countless other attempts by the Americans to rewrite history.

No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.

 

For example, there was an American sci-fi series in the 90’s called “Babylon 5” which I much enjoyed, and if truth be told I liked it more than the Star Trek equivalent of “Deep Space 9”.

However, in one episode, “Comes the Inquisitor”, there was a character called Sebastian, who it transpired as the story unfolded was in reality Jack the Ripper.

When his true identity came to light during the story it was announced that in the late 1800’s Jack the Ripper plagued London’s West End.

No! No! No! Jack the Ripper did not stalk the theatre district he was too busy amusing himself killing prostitutes in the East End.

It was a simple mistake that just shouldn’t have happened, but it did and there really is no excuse for it this day and age when research is such a simple matter.

I find it difficult to comprehend that such a basic error made it to the airing.

Surely one of the writing team or production staff or even one of the cast, would have asked “Are you sure it was the West End?” but apparently not.

 

Last Christmas my wife bought me the boxed set and when we were watching the relevant episode, we both braced ourselves for the fateful moment and then laughed when we discovered it had been rather amateurishly dubbed.     

5TH CENTURY IRELAND

 

In 5th century Ireland:

St. Patrick decreed

Women can propose

Marriage to a single man

On February 29th

13TH CENTURY SCOTLAND

 

In 13th century Scotland:

A law passed fining men

For refusing proposals

If they are an eligible man

On February 29th

THE BRONZE AGE

 

Of all the ages of history

Historian will attest

That the bronze age

Was the third best

PRIOR TO 1066

 

Prior to 1066

Before he became a conqueror

William of Normandy

Was just known as William the.

SILENT POOL

 

 

The amorous King John
Took by ungentlemanly force
The woodcutter’s daughter
And put her upon his horse
Taking her from Albury village
To a place called the silent pool
The girl, scared and crying
Prayed his ardour would cool
But he pressed his intent upon her
So into the dark lake she fled
Mounted, he drove her ever deeper
Until the poor girl was dead
Now on the silent pool at midnight
The maiden can be seen there
Where the amorous King John
Did drown the life from her

WHEN THE HISTORY IS WRITTEN OF BRITAIN

 

When the history is written of Britain

Historians will just laugh at the joke

About the crazy people in the Country

Who put up with shit from the Woke

ARE YOU WEARING A COCKADE HAT?

 

Are you wearing a cockade hat?

With red, white and blue on

I hope you’re going to a party

And you don’t think you’re Napoleon

THE PHRASE RAGS TO RICHES

 

The phrase “Rags to riches”

Is a very interesting idiom

As historically garments went

From the Rich to the ragged

THE LAST THING THAT KING HAROLD SAID

 

The last thing that King Harold said

On the day that he died

During the Battle of Hastings?

Was "I spy with my little eye"

BECAUSE OF HER CONFIDENT STRIDE

 

Because of her confident stride

Everyone noticed Anne Boleyn

And the King set his cap at her

As her rivals would only amble in

GAIUS JULIUS CAESAR

 

Roman Politian Gaius Julius Caesar

The notorious Roman Geezer

Who was full of vinegar and starch

Met his end on the Ides of March