THE INTERNET IS A CURSE AND NOT A BLESSING

 

The internet is a curse and not a blessing

When you develop a habit, you can’t stop

And max out all of your credit cards

Without setting foot in a single shop

IS THE INTERNET A BLESSING OR A CURSE?

 

Is the internet a blessing or a curse?

As a medium for interaction, its fine

But paedophiles operate in comfort 

As they stalk their victims online

EXPLAINING TO A TECHNOGEEK

 

Elaine was trying to explain to her geeky boyfriend

How she had gotten pregnant, with no luck at all

So she put it into techno speak “when I uploaded

From your hard drive you didn’t use a fire wall”

IF YOU CAN AFFORD TO BUY

 

If you can afford to buy

Yourself a 3d printer

The first thing to do

Is print another printer

I WENT TO PC WORLD

 

I went to PC World

I saw computers

With or without a screen

Keyboards and mice

But there wasn’t

A policeman to be seen

OUR COMPUTERS WENT DOWN

 

Our computers went down

At the office today

So, we had to do things

The old-fashioned way

But Doris had a pack of cards

So, playing cards was ok

DURING A PASSWORD AUDIT

 

During a password audit by the IT crowd,

They discovered something quite absurd

A young woman by the name of Bimbette

Who was using the following password

PughPughBarneyMcGrewCuthbertDibbleGrubb

And was told such a password was wrong

But Bimbette explained that she was told

Her password must be six characters long

CALL CENTER MODE YET AGAIN

 

One day Bimbette was having trouble

With her computer,

So she decided to try the call center

At a time that would suit her

 

"Hello how can I help you?"

The tech support guy said

Bimbette replied to him

“I have a problem printing in red”

He asked, “Do you have a colour printer”?

Then the line went dead

CALL CENTER MODE AGAIN

One day Bimbette was having trouble

With her computer,

So, she decided to try the call center

At a time that would suit her

 

"Hello how can I help you?"

The tech support guy asks

She replied, “I can’t get my computer

To do even the simplest tasks"

 

“Ok” said the tech support guy

“What's on your monitor now, miss?

“An elephant my boyfriend bought me

And a kangaroo called Kriss”

CALL CENTER MODE ONCE AGAIN

 

One day Bimbette was having trouble

With her computer,

So she decided to try the call center

At a time that would suit her

 

"Hello how can I help you?"

The tech support guy said

“I have a huge problem”

She replied scratching her head

 

That’s why I decided

To phone up the engineers

Coz Every time I move the mouse

My screen saver disappears”

WHEN I LIVED IN MELBOURNE

 

When I lived in Melbourne

I often used to wonder

Why the Local Area Network

Wasn’t called The LAN down under

MOBILE COMMUNICATION 2013

 

“I want to buy a mobile phone,

No I don’t want a camera,

Not even video,

No I don’t want movie down loads

Screensaver’s, internet access,

Or downloads of any kind

I don’t want WAP or WiFi

G3, G4 or G5

I don’t need 100 ringtones

10000 free minutes

Or unlimited texts at weekends

I don’t need a I GB data allowance

I don’t want to play games

I don’t need an MP3 player

I don’t want a tracker,

I neither want nor need

Blue tooth

Sharks tooth

Hounds tooth

Or dog tooth.

I do not require the world at my fingertips.

In short, what I want is a device

To make and receive phone calls

And to send and receive texts

I just want to buy a BLOODY PHONE”

“Thank you that one will be perfect

Does it have a torch?”

SENIOR BUFFER

 

I went into PC World

With a print error

And their solution

Filled me with terror

 

The spotty youth

On his help desk stint

Said I had to

Control P to print

IT’S POSSESSED

 

My Sky Box is on the blink

It’s possessed, I'm in no doubt

It records all the programs I don't like

And plays them back when I’m out

CALL CENTER MODE EVEN MORE

 

One day Bimbette was having trouble

With her computer,

So, she decided to try the call center

At a time that would suit her

 

"Hello how can I help you?"

Said the tech support guy

“I’m trying to write my first email”

Was Bimbettes reply

 

“Ok?” Said the tech support guy

“Well, I have the 'a' in the address ok

But I can’t get the circle around it

And I’ve been trying all day”

CALL CENTER MODE ONCE MORE

 

One day Bimbette was having trouble

With her computer,

So she decided to try the call center

At a time that would suit her

 

"Hello how can I help you?"

Said the tech support guy

“What kind of computer do you have?

“A white one” was her reply

FROZEN WINDOWS

 

Bimbette texted Peaches "Windows

@ home, frozen - what should I do?"

Peaches texted back “use some de-icer

Or boiling water will probably do”

Bimbette “OK, computer went bang

And lights have fused too"

FAST TRACK

 

I had to run for the train

And I had my laptop with me

And now it doesn’t work

I must have jogged the memory

CALL CENTER MODE

 

One day Bimbette was having trouble

With her computer,

So she decided to try the call center

At a time that would suit her

 

"Hello how can I help you?"

The tech support guy asks

She replied, “I can’t get my computer

To do even the simplest tasks"

 

"Do you have any windows open?"

The tech support guy asks her

"Are you mad? Its mid December

And I’m calling from Alaska”

LABOUR SAVING THINGAMAJIGS

 

At my age I can safely say

I do not need more gizmo’s

Labour saving thingamajigs

And gadgetry so-and-sos

The garage door opener

And the TV remote

With those two things

I can just about cope

And I sometimes find

Though they are useful

I get them mixed up

To be quite truthful