MUM ALWAYS WASHED MY HAIR IN AUSSIE BEER

 

Mum always washed my hair in Aussie beer

And at the time I wasn’t bothered

It wasn't until many years later I discovered

That I had in fact been Fostered

AUSTRALIAN CULTURE

 

Being English we like to think that

Australians have no refinement at all

But today they are not without culture

They have Greek yogurt now after all 

LAST YEAR I WENT ON HOLIDAY TO AUSTRALIA

 

Last year I went on holiday to Australia

And was asked by an immigration bore

“Do you have any criminal convictions?”

I said “I didn’t think I needed one anymore”

WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

What is an Australian kiss?

Do you ever wonder?

Well, it’s the same as a French kiss,

Only it’s down under.

WHEN I LIVED IN MELBOURNE

 

When I lived in Melbourne

I often used to wonder

Why the Local Area Network

Wasn’t called The LAN down under

THE WILDLIFE DOWN UNDER

 

The wildlife down under

Includes the Wallabies

But if truth be known they’re

Just Kangaroo Wannabies

FUSION MUSIC

 

There’s a new music fad or fashion

A genre of Swedish/Australian fusion

Playing Dancing Queen and Waterloo

On a Wobble Board and a Didgeridoo

I don’t know if it will catch on at all

But they call the music Abba-riginal

WHEN I LIVED IN MELBOURNE

 

When I lived in Melbourne

I often used to wonder

Why the Local Area Network

Wasn’t called The LAN down under

HI’S AND LO’S

 

There was a tight rope walker

On a high wire in Sydney harbour

While in London was another man

Being blown by an octogenarian

 

The men a thousand miles apart

Nearer the end than to the start

Have the same thought suddenly

Occurring to them simultaneously

 

There seems to be no comparing

Oral sex and tight rope walking

So, what makes both men frown?

Well, the thought of looking down