CURRYING FAVOUR

When my grandfather was a boy

No Curry houses existed near or far

In order to go out for an Indian

He would’ve had to go to India

MY GRANDFATHER TAKES FIVE SUGARS

My Grandfather takes five sugars

In his tea and yet he is very old

He remembers when sugar was good

In fact, he said it was called white gold

THERE WERE MANY THINGS IN THE FIFTIES

 

There were many things in the fifties

Because of rationing God knows

That didn’t make the dinner table

But the one constant were no elbows

OILY FOOD

 

When my dad was a boy, there was

No cooking oil or anything like that

Oil was for lubricating the garden gate

And you cooked everything in fat

WATER BOY

When my Granddad was a boy

Water came out of the tap

It was the wonder of the age

Fresh water from your tap

If a man had even suggested

They bottle it and sell it

For more than the price of beer

He’d have been repeatedly hit 

RED MINI

 

My dad bought a new red Mini

He had it parked up at home

With a go faster stripe down the side

And brightly polished chrome

 

It had leather seats

And the dash was polished wood

It was nineteen sixty-two

And it looked like a Mini should

WHEN MY DAD WAS A BOY

 

When my dad was a boy

There was no such thing as sushi

In fact during the depression

Eating raw fish was considered poverty

BACK IN SMOGGY BERMONDSEY

 

When we were back

In smoggy Bermondsey

And all the money was spent

We looked back fondly

On our September holiday

Picking hops in Kent

ARE YOU WEARING FRUMPY CLOTHES?

 

Are you wearing frumpy clothes?

Because you like the style

Or did you cease to consider

Your appearance after a while

 

Perhaps you’re not in vogue

Because you’re just out of time

And dream of distant days

Being old fashioned is not a crime

ODEON

 

When I was a kid

My sister worked

At the Odeon Wood Green

And got me in for nothing

I loved the pictures

And I went everyday

It was a special place to me

Of course, it was a far cry

From its Roman namesake

With its grand architecture

And hi-brow classical

Musical performances

But it was a magical place

Where I lost myself

In the flickering shadows

Of movieland

And escaped reality

LOOKING AFTER THE PENNIES

 

When I was a boy

I saved my pennies

For a rainy day

I saved every cent,

My pocket money

Every Friday

The Money back

On the empties

A paper round

In the morning

And delivering

The Weekly Sport

On a Saturday evening

Cleaning Grandmas windows

And Odd jobs

For the neighbours

Then on Saturday morning

I’d take it all,

The Ten bob notes

And tanners,

Halfpennies

And threepenny bits

And pay it all in

To my Post Office savings

A LONG AGO WORLD

 

A long-ago world

In Days of innocence

And a wondrous summer

We stood on the cusp

Of loves first awakening

 

When feeling awkward and gawky

We took our first faltering steps

In the realm of love

Wearing swim shorts

And self-conscious blushes

 

It was a guiltless time

When holding hands

Was a physical pleasure

And stolen kisses

Seemed to last forever

 

If I had the presence of mind

I would have bottled that summer

And when I felt

Tarnished by the world

I would take a long sip

And be refreshed

DAYS OUT ON THE WATER

 

Days out on the water

Windswept with rime

Watery sunshine above a

Putty coloured sea

As I sailed the estuary

With dad at the helm

THE SEVENTIES

 

If the 60s was the decade of dreams

Then the 1970’s was the decade of nightmares

It was the decade when

The German hex over England began

As in the heat of Mexico, in 1970

They knocked us out of the World Cup,

And it all went downhill from there

The defeat to Germany

Was to be England’s last appearance

In the World Cup Finals for 12 years.

The following year saw Arsenal,

The team we all love to hate,

Do the League and cup double.

1972 saw me enter the workplace

And I’ve been there ever since, but I’m not bitter.

1973 was a mixed year

Manchester United were relegated to division 2,

The Washington Redskins lost in the Superbowl

And a significant other entered my life.

1974 United won promotion as champions

But Liverpool won the FA Cup and they blossomed

Into a force that would dominate for years to come.

The following year Liverpool won the league title

In 1976 Southampton beat United in the cup final,

All the worse as my future father-in-law was a saint’s fan

The high point of the decade came in 77 when

United won the FA Cup, beating Liverpool 2-1

Normal service resumed for 1978

As I discovered there was more to girls

Then holding hands and stealing kisses.

And that they very definitely weren’t,

All sugar and spice and all thing nice

My significant other left me for an accountant,

Who supported Luton Town,

And to add insult onto injury was ginger

1979 United lost in the Cup Final to Arsenal

And so ended the decade of disappointments

When the only thing naffer than the music

Were the 70’s fashions

The decade that didn’t even have style

Or a decent musical accompaniment

The 70’s when dreams turned to nightmares

THE SIXTIES

 

The sixties, what a decade

I was only five, when in 1960

The Beatles hit the scene

And the following year

JFK took office as President

In 1962 a very significant appointment,

That of Alf Ramsey as England Manager,

Who brought us the Wingless Wonders.

The reborn Manchester United

Rising phoenix like from the ashes of Munich

Won the FA Cup in 1963.

In 1964 I held hands with Carole Duffy,

A very wonderful event at the time,

1965 saw United win the League title

And the mini skirt first appeared

The latter was less significant when I was 10

Then in 66 England won the world cup

(And yes the ball did cross the line)

United won the League again the following year

And then fulfilling the dream,

So cruelly crushed 10 years before,

Manchester United won the European cup in 1968.

1969 was famously the year

That Linda McMahon first kissed me

Oh and Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.

For me it was a decade of dreams coming true

A time when I thought life just couldn’t get any better

And I was right, because then came the 70s

TOMMY AND ERIC

 

Tommy Cooper

And Eric Morecambe

Were funny men

Not vulgar

Or foul mouthed

Not forced or contrived

Just naturally funny men

Who made you laugh

Just by walking on to the stage

In fact, thinking about them

Has just made me smile

MARATHON MAN

I used to be a Marathon man

A Marathon man was I

Then they renamed them Snickers

I don’t know why

COMING OF AGE

 

When I was still but a boy

I went to visit a house of joy

And although I had to pay

I would honestly have to say

That for a coming of age event

It was the best quid I ever spent

NOSTALGIA, THOSE WERE THE DAYS

 

We all think that when we were young

The sun shone for 23 hours a day

Not altogether true

But it seems that way in hindsight

But things always look better looking back

They were more innocent times

More naïve times

There were things that were not said

Or not discussed in mixed company

Now anything goes

For example we didn’t have to endure

Endless TV ads for sanitary products and pantie liners

Thrush medicine or haemorrhoid cream

Or women discussing their bladder weakness or blocked bowels

Way back then we only had the three TV channels,

Which was enough

And the network shut down at 10.30

So we knew when to go to bed

And there was no such thing as daytime telly

The soap of the day was “Coronation Street“

And from America “Peyton Place”

For the kids “Noggin the Nog”

“Mr. Pastry” or the “Wombles”

“Captain Pugwash” with seaman Stanes

And Roger the cabin boy

Comedy like “Sykes”, “The Good Life”

And “Morecambe and Wise”

Sid and Hattie in the “Carry Ons

Grass hopper in “Kung Fu”

“Land of the giants”, “Blake’s Seven” and “Dr Who”

You could still watch sport on terrestrial

With “Grandstand” on the Beeb

And on ITV, Dickie Davis with “World of sport”

Now we have hundreds of channels

Showing the same programs we used to watch on three channels

In the music world the “Rolling Stones”

Were closer to puberty than senility

Music came on vinyl though we just called them records

The first record I bought was “Good news week”

By Hedgehoppers Anonymous

You could buy LP’s, singles and audio cassettes

Even 8 track though not very long lived

Petrol was only five bob a gallon

While beer was just 10p a pint

Penny chews and sweets in a jar

Oh for the time when you could still get

Treats, opal fruits and spangles

Back then gay still meant happy

And everyone wore a ticka ticka Timex on their wrist,

That you had to wind up.

It was a time when we all wanted to be in love

Like Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard in “Brief Encounter”

And we didn’t think it was corny when Bette said

“Gerry lets not ask for the moon we already have the stars”

It was a time when we all wanted to be suave and debonair

Just like Fred Astaire

And dance with panache and savoir fare

Its not that I’m a cup half empty kind of guy

But things do look better looking back

At a time before political correctness was invented

And you could laugh at a joke and not worry

That someone you have never met and probably will never meet

Might be offended by it

Or more likely upset someone who got offended on their behalf

Take me back to simpler times

I LOVE IT AT THE SEASIDE

 

I love it at the seaside out of season

When the bathers are not there

The beaches are no longer sun kissed

The sands are empty and bare

 

I love it at the seaside

On a bright sunny winters day

When you can stroll along

With out people getting in the way

 

You pick your way along the shore

Picking up driftwood and shells

Skim stones across the water

Without soliciting angry yells

 

I love it at the seaside

The deck chairs are all stored away

On the sea front all is quiet

And the car park is free all day

 

I love it at the seaside

The shops are shut and battened down

All the amusement arcades are shut

But not the Rose and Crown