I HAVE AN UNUSUAL PHOBIA

 

I have an unusual phobia

Which people find strange

I hate new minted coins

But then I dislike all change

MONEY TALKS IS THE SAYING

 

“Money talks” is the saying

I’m not quite sure why

If my money could talk

It would only ever say good-bye

ELECTRONIC BANKING # 2

Electronic banking

Is the way it is done

Lightning fast transfers

At the touch of a button

 

Though not necessarily

The fastest way of course

Nothing transfers funds

Faster than divorce 

ELECTRONIC BANKING # 1

 

Electronic banking

Is a wonderful thing

Lightning fast transfers

In the modern age

 

Though not the fastest

By any shape or means

Nothing transfers funds

Faster than marriage

I HATE THE ONE PENCE PIECES

 

I hate the one pence pieces

5p’s and tuppence’s

I suppose you think it strange

But I simply don’t like change

THE BANK OF ENGLAND ANNOUNCED

 

The Bank of England Announced

In an article they wrote

Jane Austen Will appear

On the new ten pound note

 

I don’t like to put a damper

On the decision but you see

This decision means that

She will be the “Tenner” Lady

LOOKING AFTER THE PENNIES

 

When I was a boy

I saved my pennies

For a rainy day

I saved every cent,

My pocket money

Every Friday

The Money back

On the empties

A paper round

In the morning

And delivering

The Weekly Sport

On a Saturday evening

Cleaning Grandmas windows

And Odd jobs

For the neighbours

Then on Saturday morning

I’d take it all,

The Ten bob notes

And tanners,

Halfpennies

And threepenny bits

And pay it all in

To my Post Office savings

FISCAL TRUTH

 

If you spend more than you earn

There’s no way to fudge it  

You are stuck with your debts

If you can't manage to budge it

PERSONAL BANKING

 

I went to my bank yesterday

As I went to work, it’s on my way

I said to the cashier Miss Valance

“Hello, can you check my balance”

She replied “yes certainly Mr. Dover”

Then walked round and pushed me over

NEVER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER BE

 

Never a borrower nor a lender be

That is my simple philosophy

But if the need you can’t resist

Borrow money from a pessimist

A positive attitude they sadly lack

So, they don’t really expect it back

THANK GOD IT’S FEBRUARY

 

Thank God it’s February

And the month of January

Is now just a memory

And thank God for Salary

FILTHY RICH

 

Life can really be

An awful bitch

Which is why, on balance

I would prefer to be rich

There are some people

Those lucky dogs and bitches

Who though little effort

Amass immense riches

In numbered accounts

Their balances healthy

And they find themselves

So incredibly wealthy

That they lose all respect

For simple humanity

And that's the kind of rich

That I want to be.

DOUBLE YOUR MONEY

 

The quickest way to double

Your money let’s not forget

Is to fold it in half and then

Put it back in your pocket

I HATE THE ONE PENCE PIECES

 

I hate the one pence pieces

5p’s and tuppence’s

I suppose you think it strange

But I simply don’t like change