SOME YOUTHS ARE BREAKING INTO CARS

 

Some youths are breaking into cars,

They are reprehensible little devils,

And they do it in multi-story car parks

Which is wrong on so many levels

SOME YOUNGSTERS ARE BREAKING INTO CARS

Some youngsters are breaking into cars,

They are proper little devils,

They do it in multi-story car parks

And that’s wrong on so many levels 

THE YOUNG BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

 

The young beautiful people

Think they are acts of nature,

But the beautiful old people

Know they’re works of art for sure

THEY LACK COMMON SENSE

 

They lack Common sense

Their failing is immense

But in their defence

It’s the addled essence

Of their adolescence

RISE AND SHINE

 

In the morning

My dad used to

Throwback the curtains

And loudly say

“Wakey, wakey

Rise and shine”

Well as a teenager

“Rise” I could manage

But “shine”

Was never going to happen

WHEN I WAS A BABE

 

When I was a babe

Milk was my tipple

Either from a bottle

Or from mummy’s nipple

 

When I was a boy

Soda was the tops

Delicious bubbly

Sugary Fizzy pops

 

When I was a man

Beer hit the spot

A foaming brew

In a glass pint pot

 

Now I’m an old man

Drinking has no charm

As all my fluids

Now go thru my arm

WHEN I WAS A BABY

 

When I was a baby

I drank milk

From bottle or breast

 

As boy I drank

Fizzy pop

Limeade was the best

 

When I reached manhood

I discovered beer

I loved a pint of best

 

Now I’m nearing the end

Of my lifelong trip

And all my fluids come

Thru an intravenous drip

COMING OF AGE

 

When I was still but a boy

I went to visit a house of joy

And although I had to pay

I would honestly have to say

That for a coming of age event

It was the best quid I ever spent

AWKWARD TEENAGE MOMENTS

 

The stress of being a teenager

Do you remember?

Especially the instant arousals

Of the little member

The slightest thought

Of a sexual nature

Instantly breathed life

Into your little creature

Your heart starts pumping

And the blood surges

To feed the beast

On sexual urges

All of which

Was fine and dandy

Providing of course you had

Your girlfriend handy

Or some privacy

Then there was no issue

Providing of course you had

A supply of tissue

Not so helpful

If you’re out walking

Or with your granny

Sat small talking

In any place

That you couldn’t touch

That I’m afraid

I didn’t like much

Like on the bus

Or on the train

When a girl gets on

And oh no not again

THE YOUTH OF TODAY

 

Whether Right or wrong

Or for good or bad

They all do it, Girl and boy

Or laddette and lad

Lads swear like troupers

Loud and loutish

Girls swear like fishwives

Drinking to excess

So lacking in respect

For themselves and for others

Morals like alley cats

That would shame their mothers

LADS AND LADDETTES

 

Going out

Saturday nights

Looking for birds

Looking for fights

Getting ratted

Getting pissed

Getting groped

Getting kissed

Getting angry

Getting miffed

Getting slapped

Getting biffed

Getting punched

Getting kicked

Getting gobby

Getting nicked

Getting queasy

Getting sick

Sleeping it off

Down the nick

This is what

Young lads do

It’s always been

It’s nothing new

 

Going out

On the weekend

Looking for fun

Going with friends

Getting ratted

Getting pissed

Getting groped

Getting kissed

Getting angry

Getting miffed

Getting slapped

Getting biffed

Getting punched

Getting kicked

Getting gobby

Getting nicked

Getting queasy

Getting sick

Sleeping it off

Down the nick

This is what

The laddettes do

I guess that that

Is equality for you

ODE TO A YOUNG STUDENT

If success you will achieve

Do not ever flatter to deceive

Apply yourself with valiant effort

To gain the important good report

The wayside is littered with the failed

Whose non commitment has prevailed

Don’t aim to highly but do your best

Then let your confidence do the rest 

SOME YOUTHS ARE BREAKING INTO CARS

 

Some youths are breaking into cars,

They are reprehensible little devils,

And they do it in multi-story car parks

Which is wrong on so many levels

THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN BEING YOUNG AND FIT

 

Now I’ve left middle age behind me in the distance I occasionally hark back to my youth when I really was as young as I felt, to the days before my six pack became victim to too many six packs, I suppose my current physique I have to confess is not so much a six pack but rather more a party seven.

(If you don’t know what a party seven is then this ramble probably doesn’t apply to you).

The thought of my girlfriends of the day with their firm buttocks, flat stomachs and gravity defying breasts stir my loins with more than a sense of nostalgia, and part of me wants to return to those carefree days of youth but I have grave reservations about being a teenager again or worse being myself amongst teenagers.

Having shared a train carriage with four teenage girls only a day ago and having endured the incessant and inane jabbering for two long soul-destroying hours, when they had exhausted their limited vocabulary within the first 10 minutes, the thought of repetitious teenage pillow talk fills me with dread.

How is it that with all the many means of communication at their disposal they still have nothing meaningful to say?

There is a lot to be said for being with a woman who is wrinkle free and supple and of limited sexual experience, carnal knowledge was so much fun to learn, and all this reminiscing leaves me with a certain longing.

But the price to too high to pay, it is so much better being with someone with life experience, someone you can have a proper conversation with in between the love making or indeed instead of it.

It doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful converse just a bit more than he said/she said init.

It can be as simple as a common history or shared knowledge someone who knows the name of the dragon in Ivor the Engine, or someone who watched Brief Encounter and didn’t think it was funny.

Someone who remembers being able to play music at the wrong speed and who remembers having to wait for the black and white TV set to warm up.

Just someone who understands what you are saying and doesn’t stare vacantly at you when you mention an event that happened pre 1990.

Q AND A

 

When you’re young you think that

You have all the answers to mention

However, the truth of the matter is that

You don’t even know every question

THEY LACK COMMON SENSE

 

They lack Common sense

Their failing is immense

But in their defence

It’s the addled essence

Of their adolescence

MAN SIZE PROBLEMS

 

My son’s psychologist

Told me today that he has issues 

“Oh I know that” I said

“That’s why I give him the tissues”

VESUVIUS

 

Vesuvius is what

We called my sister Grace

It was because of all the

Eruptions on her face

THE MISPROBUNCITATION OF YOUTH

 

The young think to feel -

                       Sophistication

That all they need is -

                       Intoxication

But this only leads to -

                       Mispronunciation

NO MORE JUMPERS FOR GOAL POSTS

We didn’t think that life
Could get any better
We were young
Happy and content
Kicking footballs
Building carts
Climbing trees
Fishing in the pond
Swimming in the pool
Then they came along
Distracting us
With their undulations
Their cheap perfume
That seemed so exotic
Walking with their funny wiggles
Laughing with their girlish giggles
And the boyhood fun was over
No more jumpers for goal posts
No more war games in the woods
We still played in the woods
But then it was holding hands
Hugging and snogging
And playing with fun bumps
But no more jumpers for goal posts