I like to take driving holidays abroad
Last
year it was Belgium and the lowlands
But
the year I went down to Berlin
Wasn’t
anywhere as good as Holland
The
problem with driving German cars
Is
they keep trying to head for Poland
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Saturday 8 May 2021
BOWLED A BMW
Wednesday 5 May 2021
BRITS ABROAD
On the islands of Greece
And
on the coast of Spain
In
the pubs and clubs
Brawling
Brits are back again
But
not the young and brainless
Of
that I have no doubts
But
the silver haired faction
The
affluent oldies or Saga louts
Friday 16 April 2021
THE ABERGELE ROADS
At dusk we walk slowly by the shoreline
The
waves lapping at the sand break gently
While
children play among the craggy rock pools
Or
happily skimming stones on the sea
Dogs
chase balls as we stand to consider,
The
tide is it in, or out, no matter
The
setting sun lights up the western sky
Illuminating
stray clouds with gold strands
Then
surrounding them with bright bursting rays
This
sunburst silhouettes the beachcombers
Then
blinds us all as it hits the wet sand
As
quickly as it burst on us it was gone
Until
we are blinded by the next one
SUMMER OF EIGHTY EIGHT
The summer of eighty-eight
What
a holiday it was
Me,
tottering Bob and Metaxa Mary
On
the Greek island of Andros
In
the chain of islands
Known
as the Cyclades
We
would sit on the beach
Or
some beach front café
Like
the medusa or the koala
Watching
the semi naked femmes
And
not just that but fit too
Apart
from Mary
She
was more interested in the Geraniums
Which
grew seven feet high
We
enjoyed the Greek cuisine
Such
as it was
Stuffed
vine leaves, Calamari
And
Mousakka mainly
Not
forgetting
Greek
salad and Feta cheese
Washed
down with cheap booze
And
plenty of it
Everything
was cheap on the island
Not
just cheap fags and booze
An
old man called Stavros
His
skin the color of leather
Hand
made me a pair of sandals
For
under five pounds
Our
favorite haunt was the medusa
Owned
and run by Pandelis
And
his accommodating daughter Cath
Although
we had a brandy or two
At
the Paradise bar most nights
Just
as a night cap
But
it wasn’t the location, Or cheap booze
The
herb fragranced breeze
Warm
sunshine, Semi naked women
Or
accommodating waitresses
That
made it a great holiday
It
was the people
The
warm friendly locals
Fellow
Brits on tour
And
of course, Bob and Mary
What
a holiday it was
FUN IN THE SUN
Why do 18-30 girls have more fun?
While
they’re on the coast of the sun
They
don’t do things by the letter
Because
they don't know any better
Friday 4 December 2020
BEASTS IN THE MIST
They gather in the full moons light
On lonely roads at dead of night
With shinning eyes that pierce the mists
They prey on passing motorists
Sure, footed over rock and crag
A victim fresh to feast they drag
And all that’s left when feedings through
Is a baseball cap and a training shoe
No wolf or hound will prowl the moors
And ghosts and ghouls stay home indoors
So, when shrill screams disturb your sleep
Beware the Cumberland killer sheepFriday 23 May 2014
A Mixed Bag of Poems
AT THE ELEVENTH HOUR
At the eleventh hour
On the eleventh day
Of the eleventh month
We heard the generals say
You can go home now lads
To the land you’ve defended
Thank God one and all
That the madness has ended
MICHAELMAS DAISY
Lovely Miss Aster,
My flower girl Maisie
My natural beauty
I love her like crazy
My own precious
Michaelmas Daisy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD
Happy birthday dad
See, we did remember
Because you are so dear
Just like every year
We will never forget
We just wish and wish
You were still here
Just like every year
So we wish you
A happy birthday
And wipe away a tear
Just like every year
Harold Curtis 19/6/1922 – 8/5/1978
DANCING PIXIES IN THE GREEN
Dancing pixies in the green
And sparkling water sprites
Oft heard but never seen
Bathing in the morning light
DEATH IN THE SHADOWS
Death in the shadows
Grim reaper take flight
Don’t let me be the one
You’re coming for tonight
PEBBLES SMOOTH
Pebbles smooth,
Like crude glass
Smoothed by nature
Time and tide
Its patterned form
Marbled in style
Sits comfortably
In the fingers
To be skimmed
Back to the ocean
I HEAR A SINGING CHILD
I hear a singing child
Innocently engrossed
In childish play
Singing sweetly
To her audience of dolls
Safely oblivious
In her enchanted world
Would that it could
Always be that way
DEAR OSCAR
He was witty
Blessed with a fine mind
A bel esprit
And was the clever kind
MICHAELMAS DAY
Feast of the Archangels
As the autumn equinox nears
Michaelmas marks the turning
Of the husbandman's year
29th September
THE SCULPTOR CREATES
The sculptor creates
With skilful hands
The beauteous article
An artistic gift
Its concept borrowed
From his dreams
And his subconscious mind
To infuse in his design
And create a work of art
DREDGING IS NO SILVER BULLET
Dredging is no silver bullet
Is the word coming from their ranks
But at least it would be something
To prevent rivers bursting their banks
While the environment agency
Just blindly keep on firing blanks
SLAVERY WAS BORN OF EMPIRE
Slavery was born of Empire
But not a European one
Slavery existed for centuries
In fact thousands of years
Way before Europe rose to the fore
Even the Romans came late to the party
Following in Greece’s footsteps
Peoples were enslaved
From around the globe
Where there were trade routes
There was slaving
Arabs traded slaves bought
From African tribesmen
Muslims enslaved slavs
Turks enslaved Ukrainians
Mongols reached into the heart of Europe
And took slaves by the thousand
White Europeans became involved
Black enslaved black
White has enslaved white
I don’t know if it will ever end
I certainly hope so
But what I do know is
That the British didn’t invent it
ORIGINAL FAIRY TALES
Original Fairy Tales
Were not devised
To scare children
And inform them
That monsters existed
Children already knew
There were monsters
What Fairy Tales did
Was to teach children
That monsters
Could be beaten
NAZISM WAS LIKE A CANCER
Nazism was like a cancer
Spread across the continent
And when Hitler was defeated
It was not a cure, for the cancer
Was merely in remission
At the eleventh hour
On the eleventh day
Of the eleventh month
We heard the generals say
You can go home now lads
To the land you’ve defended
Thank God one and all
That the madness has ended
MICHAELMAS DAISY
Lovely Miss Aster,
My flower girl Maisie
My natural beauty
I love her like crazy
My own precious
Michaelmas Daisy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD
Happy birthday dad
See, we did remember
Because you are so dear
Just like every year
We will never forget
We just wish and wish
You were still here
Just like every year
So we wish you
A happy birthday
And wipe away a tear
Just like every year
Harold Curtis 19/6/1922 – 8/5/1978
DANCING PIXIES IN THE GREEN
Dancing pixies in the green
And sparkling water sprites
Oft heard but never seen
Bathing in the morning light
DEATH IN THE SHADOWS
Death in the shadows
Grim reaper take flight
Don’t let me be the one
You’re coming for tonight
PEBBLES SMOOTH
Pebbles smooth,
Like crude glass
Smoothed by nature
Time and tide
Its patterned form
Marbled in style
Sits comfortably
In the fingers
To be skimmed
Back to the ocean
I HEAR A SINGING CHILD
I hear a singing child
Innocently engrossed
In childish play
Singing sweetly
To her audience of dolls
Safely oblivious
In her enchanted world
Would that it could
Always be that way
DEAR OSCAR
He was witty
Blessed with a fine mind
A bel esprit
And was the clever kind
MICHAELMAS DAY
Feast of the Archangels
As the autumn equinox nears
Michaelmas marks the turning
Of the husbandman's year
29th September
THE SCULPTOR CREATES
The sculptor creates
With skilful hands
The beauteous article
An artistic gift
Its concept borrowed
From his dreams
And his subconscious mind
To infuse in his design
And create a work of art
DREDGING IS NO SILVER BULLET
Dredging is no silver bullet
Is the word coming from their ranks
But at least it would be something
To prevent rivers bursting their banks
While the environment agency
Just blindly keep on firing blanks
SLAVERY WAS BORN OF EMPIRE
Slavery was born of Empire
But not a European one
Slavery existed for centuries
In fact thousands of years
Way before Europe rose to the fore
Even the Romans came late to the party
Following in Greece’s footsteps
Peoples were enslaved
From around the globe
Where there were trade routes
There was slaving
Arabs traded slaves bought
From African tribesmen
Muslims enslaved slavs
Turks enslaved Ukrainians
Mongols reached into the heart of Europe
And took slaves by the thousand
White Europeans became involved
Black enslaved black
White has enslaved white
I don’t know if it will ever end
I certainly hope so
But what I do know is
That the British didn’t invent it
ORIGINAL FAIRY TALES
Original Fairy Tales
Were not devised
To scare children
And inform them
That monsters existed
Children already knew
There were monsters
What Fairy Tales did
Was to teach children
That monsters
Could be beaten
NAZISM WAS LIKE A CANCER
Nazism was like a cancer
Spread across the continent
And when Hitler was defeated
It was not a cure, for the cancer
Was merely in remission
Friday 22 November 2013
Thanksgiving Gags
Thanksgiving Gags
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 2
Why did the turkey cross the road?
There was a very simple reason
It was due to a lack of options for a Turkey
During the Thanksgiving season
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 3
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Well contrary to the fable
It was to avoid ending up
On the Thanksgiving table
IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS THANKSGIVING
If only your left leg was Thanksgiving
And your right leg was Christmas day
Then I could devote all of my time
To visiting you between the holidays
AT THANKSGIVING TIME
At thanksgiving time
Turkeys, will like as not
Do the thanksgiving dance
Known as the turkey trot
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 2
Why did the turkey cross the road?
There was a very simple reason
It was due to a lack of options for a Turkey
During the Thanksgiving season
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 3
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Well contrary to the fable
It was to avoid ending up
On the Thanksgiving table
IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS THANKSGIVING
If only your left leg was Thanksgiving
And your right leg was Christmas day
Then I could devote all of my time
To visiting you between the holidays
AT THANKSGIVING TIME
At thanksgiving time
Turkeys, will like as not
Do the thanksgiving dance
Known as the turkey trot
Monday 4 November 2013
Halloween Tales
THE MODERN DAY WITCH
The modern day witch
Performs her maneuver
Flying across the sky
On a household hoover
WE WENT TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY # 1
We went to a fancy dress party
I was a wizard and she was a witch
But I knew it was time to leave
When she tapped her witch watch
MY LITTLE NIECE GOES TO HOGWARTS
My little niece goes to Hogwarts
She’s a witch and she’s excelling
But of all the subjects she takes
Her favorite one is spelling
TWITTER HALLOWEEN NIGHT
The invitation went out
To the twitter followers
About Halloween night
And the trick or treaters
It’s much safer than being
Out on the streets
And it’s better for you
To do twick or tweets
ARE YOU WEARING BLACK VELVET?
Are you wearing black velvet?
You look like the Black Queen
That’s so fitting for the season
I really do love Halloween
MY KIDS LOVE HALLOWEEN
My kids love Halloween
And not just trick or treat
We play lots of games
Especially Hide and Shriek
WHEN A VAMPIRE BIT
When a Vampire bit
A Snowman one night
They both ended up
With a case of frostbite
LOVE BITTEN HALLOWEEN
From the first moment
On that memorable first day
When I laid eyes on the Wiccan
All that I can say
Is that I was left as helpless
As a vampire with tooth decay
TWO WITCHES LIVED TOGETHER
Two witches lived together
When they were in the states
But there was nothing going on
They were just Broommates
I WAS STOOD AT THE BAR LAST NIGHT
I was stood at the bar last night
When a vampire gave me a fright
As I fully expected him to take a bite
But instead he ordered a blood light
WHAT TO GIVE ON HALLOWEEN
What to give on Halloween?
Is a no brainer in the end
Because everyone knows
Demons are a ghoul's best friend
IT’S NOT MY FAVOURITE HOLIDAY
It’s not my favourite holiday
And although opinions vary
I do really love Halloween
As I can eat, drink and be scary
IT WAS SO BIG AND ROUND
It was so big and round
Like a big orange bumpkin
It was a fat Jack-O-Lantern
Carved out of a plumpkin
WE WENT TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY # 2
We went to a fancy dress party
With a Hogwarts theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene
However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn’t
Tell which witch was which
The modern day witch
Performs her maneuver
Flying across the sky
On a household hoover
WE WENT TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY # 1
We went to a fancy dress party
I was a wizard and she was a witch
But I knew it was time to leave
When she tapped her witch watch
MY LITTLE NIECE GOES TO HOGWARTS
My little niece goes to Hogwarts
She’s a witch and she’s excelling
But of all the subjects she takes
Her favorite one is spelling
TWITTER HALLOWEEN NIGHT
The invitation went out
To the twitter followers
About Halloween night
And the trick or treaters
It’s much safer than being
Out on the streets
And it’s better for you
To do twick or tweets
ARE YOU WEARING BLACK VELVET?
Are you wearing black velvet?
You look like the Black Queen
That’s so fitting for the season
I really do love Halloween
MY KIDS LOVE HALLOWEEN
My kids love Halloween
And not just trick or treat
We play lots of games
Especially Hide and Shriek
WHEN A VAMPIRE BIT
When a Vampire bit
A Snowman one night
They both ended up
With a case of frostbite
LOVE BITTEN HALLOWEEN
From the first moment
On that memorable first day
When I laid eyes on the Wiccan
All that I can say
Is that I was left as helpless
As a vampire with tooth decay
TWO WITCHES LIVED TOGETHER
Two witches lived together
When they were in the states
But there was nothing going on
They were just Broommates
I WAS STOOD AT THE BAR LAST NIGHT
I was stood at the bar last night
When a vampire gave me a fright
As I fully expected him to take a bite
But instead he ordered a blood light
WHAT TO GIVE ON HALLOWEEN
What to give on Halloween?
Is a no brainer in the end
Because everyone knows
Demons are a ghoul's best friend
IT’S NOT MY FAVOURITE HOLIDAY
It’s not my favourite holiday
And although opinions vary
I do really love Halloween
As I can eat, drink and be scary
IT WAS SO BIG AND ROUND
It was so big and round
Like a big orange bumpkin
It was a fat Jack-O-Lantern
Carved out of a plumpkin
WE WENT TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY # 2
We went to a fancy dress party
With a Hogwarts theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene
However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn’t
Tell which witch was which
Monday 8 August 2011
HOLIDAY RELATED HUMOUR
BATHING DRESS
When the bikini replaced the bathing suit
They were brief, but also rather chic
But the briefness was, nonetheless,
Still sufficient to cover both cheeks
DON’T GO IN THE WATER
I don’t like swimming in the sea
I don’t care what you say it’s not for me
Its not that I’m scared of sharks or eels
Or that I don’t like how a jelly fish feels
It’s not even because of stone fish stings
Or the flotsam and jetsam the tide brings
You may think my phobia quite absurd
But I can’t be swimming along with a turd
BEFORE AND AFTER AT THE SALON
Before
Well you look a little sallow
Right down to the marrow
What you need is a drop of sun
In a bottle I have the very one
Just go into the salon
And you can put some colour on
After
Well my dear fellow
You’ve gone a little yellow
I think a touch too much
In fact much too much
Of the prescribed fake tan
How will you pay Mr Marzipan?
When the bikini replaced the bathing suit
They were brief, but also rather chic
But the briefness was, nonetheless,
Still sufficient to cover both cheeks
DON’T GO IN THE WATER
I don’t like swimming in the sea
I don’t care what you say it’s not for me
Its not that I’m scared of sharks or eels
Or that I don’t like how a jelly fish feels
It’s not even because of stone fish stings
Or the flotsam and jetsam the tide brings
You may think my phobia quite absurd
But I can’t be swimming along with a turd
BEFORE AND AFTER AT THE SALON
Before
Well you look a little sallow
Right down to the marrow
What you need is a drop of sun
In a bottle I have the very one
Just go into the salon
And you can put some colour on
After
Well my dear fellow
You’ve gone a little yellow
I think a touch too much
In fact much too much
Of the prescribed fake tan
How will you pay Mr Marzipan?
Wednesday 15 June 2011
ICE CREAM PARLOUR
ICE CREAM PARLOUR # 01
I went to the ice cream parlour
At one of our seaside resorts
And I wanted an ice cream
But, well, there were allsorts
“Knickerbocker glory sir?”
The ice cream mans retorts
“Yes I do enjoy a certain amount
Of freedom in these shorts”
ICE CREAM PARLOUR # 02
I went to the ice cream parlour
And ordered an ice cream sundae
“Hundreds & thousands?” he asked
“No I’ll just have the one for today”
I went to the ice cream parlour
At one of our seaside resorts
And I wanted an ice cream
But, well, there were allsorts
“Knickerbocker glory sir?”
The ice cream mans retorts
“Yes I do enjoy a certain amount
Of freedom in these shorts”
ICE CREAM PARLOUR # 02
I went to the ice cream parlour
And ordered an ice cream sundae
“Hundreds & thousands?” he asked
“No I’ll just have the one for today”
Wednesday 1 December 2010
A Stocking Full Of Christmas # 2
CHRISTMAS DAY IS ALMOST HERE
Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
I hold so dear
When to tradition we must adhere
When to every ear
We are sincere
A time of goodwill and cheer
A time to care
A time to share
Christmas is when we banish fear
Keep close those near
And those dear
Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
When we revere
COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS
When Jack Frost is abroad
And the Thanksgiving snow falls
When we hear the first sleigh bell’s ring
Christmas isn’t far away at all
So make those lists and join the throng
Of happy shoppers down at the mall
THE JINGLE OF SLEIGH BELLS
The Jingle of sleigh bells, herald
His coming on Christmas Eve
When Santa Claus takes the time
To fill our stocking and I believe
That Santa Claus thinks sincerely
It’s better to give than to receive
YULETIDE GATHERING
On the oak and iron studded door
There hung a wreath of yuletide
That was so pleasing to the eye
It seemed to welcome you inside
The hallway was lit with candles
Of every shape, size and hue
And tasteful Christmas decorations
Seemed to be constantly in view
Down the entire length of the stairs
Entwining the polished mahogany
Garlands of holly and evergreen
Filled the scene most sumptuously
The drawing room was minimalist
Each decoration chosen with care
The focal point was the mantelpiece
And the little stocking hanging there
In the corner stood a mighty tree
Festively decked in all its glory
But their was more to the gathering
Than just the Christmas story
Every face bore a relaxed smile
Such was the festive atmosphere
And so proud was the hostess
But not just for the festive cheer
For this was the first Christmas
For their newborn son and heir
And so proud was the mother
Of her newborn son so fair
BUT SOFTLY THE MYRIAD SNOW FLAKES FALL
But softly the myriad snow flakes fall
These infinite flakes of purest white
Like pure white down of angels wings
Floating gently from heavens height
But this is no heaven sent delight
This thing of beauty that cruelly lingers
For harshly touched is the naked earth
When touched by winters icy fingers
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN
It’s Christmas time again
When the spirit is beautiful
When every pocket is empty
But every heart is full
OH PRETTY SNOWFLAKE
Oh pretty snowflake
Gentle on my face
Oh delicate beauty
Like Belgian lace
Oh pretty snowflake
Thing of grace
You were here
Now not a trace
SNOWFLAKES ON THE DAY
Smoke curls from the chimneys,
And dissolves into the grey
Then the clouds in exchange
Release snowflakes on the day
Soon the air is full of white flakes
Filtering the sounds of life away
The land is soon under deep snow
Of snowflakes released on the day
EVERYBODY LOVES IT
Everybody loves it
Even if they won’t admit it
From the newly bred
To the nearly dead
Christmas is the bee’s knees
From decorated Christmas trees
To candlelight and mistletoe
And every happy Ho Ho Ho
Some may not agree
At least not openly
But are quite happy
To enjoy it secretly
I WROTE A LETTER TO SANTA
I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him what I wanted
Stating what was best
I didn’t ask for jewels
I didn’t ask for jewellery
I didn’t ask for gold
I didn’t ask for luxuries
I asked him for a gift
I consider the greatest prise
I asked him for the look of love
To be present in your eyes
I asked him for your heart
So to make me live
I asked him for your love
But theyre not his give
I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him that I love you
I’m sure he’ll do what’s best
NOT JUST ANOTHER CHRISTMAS
Christmas has come around
It’s another Christmas dear
Another special season
So full of Christmas cheer
Just another Christmas?
We had better not forget dear
It’s not just another Christmas
Something’s different this year
What’s special this Christmas?
You’ve surely not forgotten dear
A milestone is to be reached
That’s what’s special about this year
It’s a special Christmas isn’t it?
I see the penny has dropped dear
We must hang up baby's stocking
It’s his first Christmas this year
DECEMBER HAS COME ROUND AGAIN
December has come round again
Another Christmas time is near.
That time when young and old
Almost explode with festive cheer.
DRIFTING ON THE WIND
The snowflakes drift upon the wind
And settle on the windowsill
But also on the winter winds
Comes the sting of winters chill
THE MAGICAL SEASON
Christmas cards come from absentees
Bringing so many Christmas wishes
And those you get to see in person
Are greeted with Christmas kisses
It’s the time for friends and family
Exchanging gifts beneath the tree
A time to enjoy every single moment
And make it as magical as it can be
IT WARMS MY REMINISCENT HEART
It warms my reminiscent heart
When Christmas preparations start
When the bells of Christmas chime
I am taken back to happy times
With special friends and family
And all the Christmas memories
When Christmas preparations start
It warms my reminiscent heart
CHRISTMAS MEMORIES
Of all the Christmas’s I can remember
My best Christmas’s were the ones
Where I would decorate the tree with dad
And make Christmas cookies with mum
Thread popcorn and make paper chains
Each day opening the advent calendar
Wrapping the gifts in excited secrecy
Writing cards and sending them near and far
They are just distant memories now
But they were still the very best ones
And we must make Christmas memories
Now we have our daughters and our sons
Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
I hold so dear
When to tradition we must adhere
When to every ear
We are sincere
A time of goodwill and cheer
A time to care
A time to share
Christmas is when we banish fear
Keep close those near
And those dear
Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
When we revere
COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS
When Jack Frost is abroad
And the Thanksgiving snow falls
When we hear the first sleigh bell’s ring
Christmas isn’t far away at all
So make those lists and join the throng
Of happy shoppers down at the mall
THE JINGLE OF SLEIGH BELLS
The Jingle of sleigh bells, herald
His coming on Christmas Eve
When Santa Claus takes the time
To fill our stocking and I believe
That Santa Claus thinks sincerely
It’s better to give than to receive
YULETIDE GATHERING
On the oak and iron studded door
There hung a wreath of yuletide
That was so pleasing to the eye
It seemed to welcome you inside
The hallway was lit with candles
Of every shape, size and hue
And tasteful Christmas decorations
Seemed to be constantly in view
Down the entire length of the stairs
Entwining the polished mahogany
Garlands of holly and evergreen
Filled the scene most sumptuously
The drawing room was minimalist
Each decoration chosen with care
The focal point was the mantelpiece
And the little stocking hanging there
In the corner stood a mighty tree
Festively decked in all its glory
But their was more to the gathering
Than just the Christmas story
Every face bore a relaxed smile
Such was the festive atmosphere
And so proud was the hostess
But not just for the festive cheer
For this was the first Christmas
For their newborn son and heir
And so proud was the mother
Of her newborn son so fair
BUT SOFTLY THE MYRIAD SNOW FLAKES FALL
But softly the myriad snow flakes fall
These infinite flakes of purest white
Like pure white down of angels wings
Floating gently from heavens height
But this is no heaven sent delight
This thing of beauty that cruelly lingers
For harshly touched is the naked earth
When touched by winters icy fingers
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN
It’s Christmas time again
When the spirit is beautiful
When every pocket is empty
But every heart is full
OH PRETTY SNOWFLAKE
Oh pretty snowflake
Gentle on my face
Oh delicate beauty
Like Belgian lace
Oh pretty snowflake
Thing of grace
You were here
Now not a trace
SNOWFLAKES ON THE DAY
Smoke curls from the chimneys,
And dissolves into the grey
Then the clouds in exchange
Release snowflakes on the day
Soon the air is full of white flakes
Filtering the sounds of life away
The land is soon under deep snow
Of snowflakes released on the day
EVERYBODY LOVES IT
Everybody loves it
Even if they won’t admit it
From the newly bred
To the nearly dead
Christmas is the bee’s knees
From decorated Christmas trees
To candlelight and mistletoe
And every happy Ho Ho Ho
Some may not agree
At least not openly
But are quite happy
To enjoy it secretly
I WROTE A LETTER TO SANTA
I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him what I wanted
Stating what was best
I didn’t ask for jewels
I didn’t ask for jewellery
I didn’t ask for gold
I didn’t ask for luxuries
I asked him for a gift
I consider the greatest prise
I asked him for the look of love
To be present in your eyes
I asked him for your heart
So to make me live
I asked him for your love
But theyre not his give
I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him that I love you
I’m sure he’ll do what’s best
NOT JUST ANOTHER CHRISTMAS
Christmas has come around
It’s another Christmas dear
Another special season
So full of Christmas cheer
Just another Christmas?
We had better not forget dear
It’s not just another Christmas
Something’s different this year
What’s special this Christmas?
You’ve surely not forgotten dear
A milestone is to be reached
That’s what’s special about this year
It’s a special Christmas isn’t it?
I see the penny has dropped dear
We must hang up baby's stocking
It’s his first Christmas this year
DECEMBER HAS COME ROUND AGAIN
December has come round again
Another Christmas time is near.
That time when young and old
Almost explode with festive cheer.
DRIFTING ON THE WIND
The snowflakes drift upon the wind
And settle on the windowsill
But also on the winter winds
Comes the sting of winters chill
THE MAGICAL SEASON
Christmas cards come from absentees
Bringing so many Christmas wishes
And those you get to see in person
Are greeted with Christmas kisses
It’s the time for friends and family
Exchanging gifts beneath the tree
A time to enjoy every single moment
And make it as magical as it can be
IT WARMS MY REMINISCENT HEART
It warms my reminiscent heart
When Christmas preparations start
When the bells of Christmas chime
I am taken back to happy times
With special friends and family
And all the Christmas memories
When Christmas preparations start
It warms my reminiscent heart
CHRISTMAS MEMORIES
Of all the Christmas’s I can remember
My best Christmas’s were the ones
Where I would decorate the tree with dad
And make Christmas cookies with mum
Thread popcorn and make paper chains
Each day opening the advent calendar
Wrapping the gifts in excited secrecy
Writing cards and sending them near and far
They are just distant memories now
But they were still the very best ones
And we must make Christmas memories
Now we have our daughters and our sons
A Grown Up Christmas
EVERYONE IN THE GROTTO KNOWS
Everyone in the grotto knows
The reason for Santa’s ho ho ho’s
And why Santa’s little helper is all aglow
Because she is the latest of Santa’s ho’s
In her green woolly panty hoes
Pixie shoes with turned up toes
Her outfit held together with velcro
Everyone in the grotto knows
Santa gets inside her pixie clothes
And fills her stocking, ho ho ho
SANTA’S R & R
When Santa returns to the north pole
After his momentous Christmas eve
He is always looking forward
To his well deserved annual leave
His post Christmas R & R always begins
With a sight to make his passion burn
That of Mrs Claus festively clad
Hot and spicy to greet him on his return
In red stiletto shoes, red and white stockings
Standing seductively against the bedroom door
Then revealing her delights to her horny Santa
As her fur trimmed cloak falls to the floor
Red silk skimpies, a glimpse of her thighs
Santa is eager to quench his thirst
But Mrs Claus says heading towards the bed
“You had better warm your hands up first”
PARTY CLAUS
What does Santa do after Christmas?
Well if you want to know the truth
He parties hard with Mrs. Claus
Til they melt the snow off the roof
RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw him
You would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer
Laugh and call him awful names
And they leave poor Rudolph
To play his little snorting games
So on every Christmas Eve
Santa’s heard to say:
If you give up the cocaine
You might pull may sleigh again
But all the reindeer knew him
And his love for nose candy
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Santa’s little coke junkie
RUDOLPH THE RAMPANT
Rudolph has been grounded
And severely reprimanded
The cause is his nocturnal activity
During the season of the nativity
Donner has been knocked up
And Vixen is a favourite tup
There are many more names
Who’ve played his reindeer games
He is insatiable, even the boys
Have fallen victim of his joys
Now Santa has had enough
Since he mounted Billy Goat Gruff
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
Amidst the preparations
For the up coming festivities
There has been a lot of demand
On the Church amenities
For those of us involved
In pulling the Christmas peel
Found the time to practise
Was far less than ideal
I found it difficult to fit it in
Around work and family needs
And often practised alone
At a very late hour indeed
One night it all got too much
The final straw I can’t remember
But as a result I decided to tie
The bell rope around my member
I don’t know why it was
That I succumbed to the pressure
But I was discovered
And I was tolled off by the vicar
THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
All year long I fancied Lucy
But she turned out to be fickle
So I thought I’d drown my sorrows
And have a few festive tipples
But I ended up in a cupboard
With a girl with hairy nipples
CHRISTMAS JOY
I have a new love in my life
That all Christmas I’ll be pleas’n
I will bring Joy to her world
When I go south for the season
Everyone in the grotto knows
The reason for Santa’s ho ho ho’s
And why Santa’s little helper is all aglow
Because she is the latest of Santa’s ho’s
In her green woolly panty hoes
Pixie shoes with turned up toes
Her outfit held together with velcro
Everyone in the grotto knows
Santa gets inside her pixie clothes
And fills her stocking, ho ho ho
SANTA’S R & R
When Santa returns to the north pole
After his momentous Christmas eve
He is always looking forward
To his well deserved annual leave
His post Christmas R & R always begins
With a sight to make his passion burn
That of Mrs Claus festively clad
Hot and spicy to greet him on his return
In red stiletto shoes, red and white stockings
Standing seductively against the bedroom door
Then revealing her delights to her horny Santa
As her fur trimmed cloak falls to the floor
Red silk skimpies, a glimpse of her thighs
Santa is eager to quench his thirst
But Mrs Claus says heading towards the bed
“You had better warm your hands up first”
PARTY CLAUS
What does Santa do after Christmas?
Well if you want to know the truth
He parties hard with Mrs. Claus
Til they melt the snow off the roof
RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw him
You would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer
Laugh and call him awful names
And they leave poor Rudolph
To play his little snorting games
So on every Christmas Eve
Santa’s heard to say:
If you give up the cocaine
You might pull may sleigh again
But all the reindeer knew him
And his love for nose candy
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Santa’s little coke junkie
RUDOLPH THE RAMPANT
Rudolph has been grounded
And severely reprimanded
The cause is his nocturnal activity
During the season of the nativity
Donner has been knocked up
And Vixen is a favourite tup
There are many more names
Who’ve played his reindeer games
He is insatiable, even the boys
Have fallen victim of his joys
Now Santa has had enough
Since he mounted Billy Goat Gruff
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
Amidst the preparations
For the up coming festivities
There has been a lot of demand
On the Church amenities
For those of us involved
In pulling the Christmas peel
Found the time to practise
Was far less than ideal
I found it difficult to fit it in
Around work and family needs
And often practised alone
At a very late hour indeed
One night it all got too much
The final straw I can’t remember
But as a result I decided to tie
The bell rope around my member
I don’t know why it was
That I succumbed to the pressure
But I was discovered
And I was tolled off by the vicar
THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
All year long I fancied Lucy
But she turned out to be fickle
So I thought I’d drown my sorrows
And have a few festive tipples
But I ended up in a cupboard
With a girl with hairy nipples
CHRISTMAS JOY
I have a new love in my life
That all Christmas I’ll be pleas’n
I will bring Joy to her world
When I go south for the season
The Funny Side Of Christmas
CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE # 3
It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We have been promised nouvelle cuisine
So Oliver will be asking for more
CHRISTMAS GOOSE
At Christmas time
I do like a goose
It is my one weakness
And I offer no excuse
Though it does depend
Of course on the bird
To say any different
Would be quite absurd
The quality of goose
That you are executing
Is directly related
To the bird you are goosing
CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE # 4
It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We are being treated to pot noodle
So Oliver won’t be asking for more
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 8
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the abode
Came the rancid smell like an un-emptied commode
It made your eyes water to be perfectly crude
Wow this baby needs to start eating solid food
CAROLS BY CANDLE LIGHT
Christmas is a time
Of many traditions
Like carol singing
With candle lit processions
But not anymore
A years old tradition
Has to had to go
For fear of litigation
“Health and safety”
So gets on my wick
As this year we had
Carols by glow stick
LAST CHRISTMAS
Last Christmas
We got the winter vomiting virus
It wasn’t nice
And it was shared by all of us
It was the worst
We didn’t see much Christmas cheer
I tell you one thing
We’ve just asked for money this year
GIFTS FOR EVERYONE
Jimmy got an iPod
Sally got an iPhone
Dad got an iPad
Mum got an iRon
Happy Christmas? iThink not
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 9
Twas the night before Christmas and at the North Pole
Some of the elves will be signing on the dole
There was a bit of a cock up with the naughty and nice list
When the elves in dispatch all got totally pissed
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 10
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was pissed,
He was so drunk in fact he couldn’t read the list
So the toys for the nice kids never left the north pole
And they all ended up with a big piece of coal
DEAR SANTA CLAUS
Dear Santa Claus
I have been good
I thought I’d mention that
So it’s understood
I don’t want
Something practical
Something useful
Nor educational
I don’t what
Something creative
Something arty
Or constructive
I don’t want
Something sporty
Something healthy
Not outdoorsy
What I want
Is an X-Box or a PS3
So I can escape
My boring reality
But I don’t want
You to bring me a Wii
It’s just too healthy
And drains my energy
CHRISTMAS GETAWAY
The sleigh is empty
The list is ticked
It’s back to base
Double quick
Mrs. Claus is waiting
To greet me
Fidgeting around
Quite excitedly
The bags are packed
And in the sleigh
We’re off to Florida
For a holiday
SAD SANTA
Santa Claus is depressed
Its declining standards you see
The naughty list is now so long
It needs storing electronically
Where as the good list has shrunk
And now fits on a sheet of A3
CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED
There's no Christmas this year
There will be no Christmas cheer
For Santa checked the naughty list
And found himself a naughty miss
Then picked her up in his sleigh
And then flew her off to St Tropez
It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We have been promised nouvelle cuisine
So Oliver will be asking for more
CHRISTMAS GOOSE
At Christmas time
I do like a goose
It is my one weakness
And I offer no excuse
Though it does depend
Of course on the bird
To say any different
Would be quite absurd
The quality of goose
That you are executing
Is directly related
To the bird you are goosing
CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE # 4
It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We are being treated to pot noodle
So Oliver won’t be asking for more
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 8
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the abode
Came the rancid smell like an un-emptied commode
It made your eyes water to be perfectly crude
Wow this baby needs to start eating solid food
CAROLS BY CANDLE LIGHT
Christmas is a time
Of many traditions
Like carol singing
With candle lit processions
But not anymore
A years old tradition
Has to had to go
For fear of litigation
“Health and safety”
So gets on my wick
As this year we had
Carols by glow stick
LAST CHRISTMAS
Last Christmas
We got the winter vomiting virus
It wasn’t nice
And it was shared by all of us
It was the worst
We didn’t see much Christmas cheer
I tell you one thing
We’ve just asked for money this year
GIFTS FOR EVERYONE
Jimmy got an iPod
Sally got an iPhone
Dad got an iPad
Mum got an iRon
Happy Christmas? iThink not
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 9
Twas the night before Christmas and at the North Pole
Some of the elves will be signing on the dole
There was a bit of a cock up with the naughty and nice list
When the elves in dispatch all got totally pissed
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 10
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was pissed,
He was so drunk in fact he couldn’t read the list
So the toys for the nice kids never left the north pole
And they all ended up with a big piece of coal
DEAR SANTA CLAUS
Dear Santa Claus
I have been good
I thought I’d mention that
So it’s understood
I don’t want
Something practical
Something useful
Nor educational
I don’t what
Something creative
Something arty
Or constructive
I don’t want
Something sporty
Something healthy
Not outdoorsy
What I want
Is an X-Box or a PS3
So I can escape
My boring reality
But I don’t want
You to bring me a Wii
It’s just too healthy
And drains my energy
CHRISTMAS GETAWAY
The sleigh is empty
The list is ticked
It’s back to base
Double quick
Mrs. Claus is waiting
To greet me
Fidgeting around
Quite excitedly
The bags are packed
And in the sleigh
We’re off to Florida
For a holiday
SAD SANTA
Santa Claus is depressed
Its declining standards you see
The naughty list is now so long
It needs storing electronically
Where as the good list has shrunk
And now fits on a sheet of A3
CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED
There's no Christmas this year
There will be no Christmas cheer
For Santa checked the naughty list
And found himself a naughty miss
Then picked her up in his sleigh
And then flew her off to St Tropez
The True Meaning Of Christmas
CS LEWIS CAME TO GOD
CS Lewis came to God
The long way round
But because of this
His faith was sound
And he knew the truth,
He called Christ’s birth
The central event
In the history of the earth
THE FIRST NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Bethlehem,
Joseph was searching for a room for them
He searched and he searched all round the town
But nowhere to stay for them could be found
So they went to a stable and in a bed made of hay
The Christ child was born on the first Christmas Day
OH GOD TO YOU WE PRAY
Oh God to you we pray
To let peace on earth come our way
Oh God to you we pray
Would that we could have our way
Oh God grant this day
That peace on earth will come our way
Oh God we hear you say
That peace on earth will come our way
If we could from this day
Just live Christmas every day
Inspired by Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981)
SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT
Silent night, holy night
Such a sweet carol
Neither rousing nor stirring
But moving and inspiring
A carol to unite in adoration
A song to touch the soul
Poignant and joyous
Holy music at its most powerful
Simple and unpretentious
THE CHRISTMAS ANGEL
The Christmas Angel comes each year
To spread around the Christmas cheer
Though the angels seldom appear
They are still there so do not fear
And listening with the keenest ear
You will never ever be able to hear
The Christmas angel standing near
But she will look over those near and dear
As she spreads around the Christmas cheer
Then the heavenly presence we revere
Twill be gone again again until next year
SING IN PRAISE
We stand around the Christmas tree
And sing to the Christmas melodies
We thank the lord for what we are
Standing beneath the Christmas star
To celebrate the Christ child's birth
When he came to us to save the earth
REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE SIXTH OF DECEMBER
Remember, remember the sixth of December
And put your red boots out
Because that is the very special day
When St Nicholas is about
WITH OPEN ARMS
With open arms I welcome Christmas
I embrace its merriment and mirth
With open heart I welcome Christmas
To celebrate the Christ Childs birth
CHRISTMAS HAS COME
The window sill is piled with snow
The ingle nook is all aglow
We’ve cleaned and swept the floor
The wreath is hanging on the door
The lights are lit, the halls are decked
The list of tasks has all been checked
Now we’re filled with Christmas cheer
Let’s have a drink of Christmas beer
Then ring the bell and bang the drum
Rejoice, rejoice Christmas has come
ALL BOWED BEFORE THE NEWBORN
All bowed before the newborn
In that stable forlorn
Shepherds and their beasts
And the magi from the east
The noble men of wealth
Concerned about his heath
Gave gifts of myrrh, frankincense and gold
Gifts his tiny hands could not hold
And at the centre of this scene
Slept the young King serene
THEY STOOD IN BREATHLESS WONDER
They stood in breathless wonder
At the babe so meek and mild
And with their gifts they knelt
At the feet of the holy child
CHRISTMAS SKY
The winter stage is dressed in tones of white
Everywhere is quiet everywhere is bright
Houses are adorned with lights of every hue
To celebrate the Christmas hullaballoo
And the starry sky on a frost filled night
Is in truth the most wonderful sight
A sky that held the star they had to follow
Over two thousand Christmas skies ago
THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN CHRISTMAS
There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago
There’s no better time than Christmas
When we celebrate his birth
In the sanctuary of a candlelit church
We rejoice for all we’re worth
There’s no better time than Christmas
To look beneath ageing skin
Of any of the old souls in the season
And still find a child within
There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago
CS Lewis came to God
The long way round
But because of this
His faith was sound
And he knew the truth,
He called Christ’s birth
The central event
In the history of the earth
THE FIRST NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Bethlehem,
Joseph was searching for a room for them
He searched and he searched all round the town
But nowhere to stay for them could be found
So they went to a stable and in a bed made of hay
The Christ child was born on the first Christmas Day
OH GOD TO YOU WE PRAY
Oh God to you we pray
To let peace on earth come our way
Oh God to you we pray
Would that we could have our way
Oh God grant this day
That peace on earth will come our way
Oh God we hear you say
That peace on earth will come our way
If we could from this day
Just live Christmas every day
Inspired by Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981)
SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT
Silent night, holy night
Such a sweet carol
Neither rousing nor stirring
But moving and inspiring
A carol to unite in adoration
A song to touch the soul
Poignant and joyous
Holy music at its most powerful
Simple and unpretentious
THE CHRISTMAS ANGEL
The Christmas Angel comes each year
To spread around the Christmas cheer
Though the angels seldom appear
They are still there so do not fear
And listening with the keenest ear
You will never ever be able to hear
The Christmas angel standing near
But she will look over those near and dear
As she spreads around the Christmas cheer
Then the heavenly presence we revere
Twill be gone again again until next year
SING IN PRAISE
We stand around the Christmas tree
And sing to the Christmas melodies
We thank the lord for what we are
Standing beneath the Christmas star
To celebrate the Christ child's birth
When he came to us to save the earth
REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE SIXTH OF DECEMBER
Remember, remember the sixth of December
And put your red boots out
Because that is the very special day
When St Nicholas is about
WITH OPEN ARMS
With open arms I welcome Christmas
I embrace its merriment and mirth
With open heart I welcome Christmas
To celebrate the Christ Childs birth
CHRISTMAS HAS COME
The window sill is piled with snow
The ingle nook is all aglow
We’ve cleaned and swept the floor
The wreath is hanging on the door
The lights are lit, the halls are decked
The list of tasks has all been checked
Now we’re filled with Christmas cheer
Let’s have a drink of Christmas beer
Then ring the bell and bang the drum
Rejoice, rejoice Christmas has come
ALL BOWED BEFORE THE NEWBORN
All bowed before the newborn
In that stable forlorn
Shepherds and their beasts
And the magi from the east
The noble men of wealth
Concerned about his heath
Gave gifts of myrrh, frankincense and gold
Gifts his tiny hands could not hold
And at the centre of this scene
Slept the young King serene
THEY STOOD IN BREATHLESS WONDER
They stood in breathless wonder
At the babe so meek and mild
And with their gifts they knelt
At the feet of the holy child
CHRISTMAS SKY
The winter stage is dressed in tones of white
Everywhere is quiet everywhere is bright
Houses are adorned with lights of every hue
To celebrate the Christmas hullaballoo
And the starry sky on a frost filled night
Is in truth the most wonderful sight
A sky that held the star they had to follow
Over two thousand Christmas skies ago
THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN CHRISTMAS
There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago
There’s no better time than Christmas
When we celebrate his birth
In the sanctuary of a candlelit church
We rejoice for all we’re worth
There’s no better time than Christmas
To look beneath ageing skin
Of any of the old souls in the season
And still find a child within
There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago
Monday 29 November 2010
A Stocking Full Of Christmas # 1
MOTHER CHRISTMAS, THANKS
Mums make Christmas
Only they can
That is a fact of life
Her mission is simple
Every year
Recreating the day
Christmas for her
Holidays for her
Require of her to
Illuminate the season
Supply an army
Trim and decorate
Make and manufacture
Aid and assist
Sustain and nourish
Thank her
Honour her
Assist her
Neglect her not
Kids and spouses
Should respect her
THE LITTLE CHRISTINGLE GIRL
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Your daddy is so very far away
“Bring my daddy safely home”
These are the words you pray
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Daddy is away at the war
“Bring my daddy safely home
Bring him safely to our door”
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
How she misses daddy far away
How sad she is, he won’t be home
To be with them on Christmas day
At Sunday school she made a christingle
She took an orange to represent the world.
And to symbolize the blood Christ shed
She took the red ribbon from her curls
Then she decorated four tooth picks
With fruits and sweets and marshmallows
These she placed in the four corners
To represented all the earthly souls
Then finally in the centre of the orange
She stood a single candle of purest white
And when lit, the candle represented
The world filled with Christ’s loving light
The sweet little Christingle girl
Took it home with her that day
And stood it in the window
So daddy would find his way
And the sweet little Christingle girl
With her daddy so very far away
Knew that when he did come home
That would be their Christmas day
SANTA’S TOYS
When Santa was a boy
No bigger than an elf
He was in the workshop
Making toys himself
But he has no time now
For making his own toys
Because he’s out delivering
To all the girls and boys
CHRISTMAS AGAIN
The advent candle is lit again
The Christmas cards are writ again
Beneath the tree gifts sit again
We’ve overspent a bit again
The Christmas table is set again
Our loved ones are met again
We drink a toast of wet again
And say merry Christmas yet again
DECEMBER, DECEMBER
December, December
The snow has come
Falling all night long
Kids its time to have some fun
December, December
Children playing in the snow
Skating and sledding
Faces all aglow
December, December
More snow will come
Then all through the winter
Kids will have more fun
KRIS KRINGLE
If there is one thing
To make the senses tingle
It’s the coming of
The good Kris Kringle
On Christmas Eve
We wait and pray
For good Kris Kringle
To come our way
WE ARE THE CAROL SINGERS
We are the carol singers
Who sing carols as we go
We sing in any weather
In rain or wind or snow
At every house or cottage
That stands upon the lane
We proudly sing a carol
In snow or wind or rain
We are the carol singers
We never feel chagrined
As we proudly sing together
In snow or rain or wind
We shake the tin for charity
Singing carols as we go
We are the carol singers
In rain or wind or snow
THE MAN IN RED
Christmas Eve
It’s time for bed
Listen for the sleigh bells
Of the man in red
Cookies and milk
By the fire place
Excitement beams
From each child’s face
Up the stairs
And fast asleep
Close those eyes
You mustn’t peep
Then when you wake
You will see
Sweets and toys galore
To fill you with glee
SANTA CLAUS REALLY LOVES HIS JOB
Santa Claus really loves his job
He doesn’t do it for the money
But some times it’s a struggle
And sometimes it’s not funny
Trying to please the kids today
Is certainly no easy task
Balancing what they deserve
Against what they ask
Sometimes Santa is impatient
With the ungrateful little buggers
And pictures them in the future
As sociopaths, fraudsters or muggers
But Santa Claus really loves his job
And most of the kids are a joy
So he does try to be patient
And see the best in every girl and boy
THE SANTA BLUES
Santa Claus works really hard
Dawn till dusk all the year long
And he is happy with his team
They are always singing a song
But in December he’s in the spotlight
And he can’t put a foot wrong
He must be on his best behaviour
When Christmas Eve comes along
He doesn’t really like the limelight
It’s the back room where he belongs
And during his great journey
When he suffers the reindeers pong
It’s for his happy team of helpers
And the cosy workshop he will long
He is much happier in the workshop
Working and Singing a Christmas song
SANTA
Santa comes but once a year
Riding on his sleigh
From his North Pole HQ
With gifts for Christmas day
Santa comes down your chimney.
To fill your Christmas stockings
With nuts, fruit and candy
And all kinds of wonderful things
So remember on Christmas Eve
To be good girls and boys
Or Santa won’t come
To bring you lots of toys
CHRISTMAS WISH
I’m not looking forward to Christmas
Not since we lost Mum this year
I’m not looking forward to a Christmas
Devoid of any Christmas cheer
Dads doing his best to lift our spirits
All though inside he’s really hurting too
He wants to make it a special time
And do the things like Mum used to do
So we decked the house with garlands
And trimmed the Christmas tree
We hung the Christmas cards on strings
So that everyone could see
Then with all the decorations up
My Dad went round us one by one
To ask us what gift we wanted
And he promised his best would be done
My sister Jules wants new clothes
Kenny wants music of any kind
The twins they want an X-Box
And the baby really doesn’t mind
Then Dad asked me “what do you want son?
What gift would stop you feeling glum”?
I said “I don’t want a present Dad
All I wish for Christmas is my Mum”
VISITING SANTA
You have to wait in line
To see Santa, but that’s fine
It’s worth every minute of queuing
And the anticipation of viewing
Santa Claus with his big belly
Wobbling like a bowl full of jelly
And his fruity chuckle you hear
In the Christmas grotto each year
Then you get to climb onto his lap
And have your special Christmas chat
Then all too soon its time to go
And Santa gives you a HO HO HO
THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING
The pudding is in the basin
The cloth is tied in a knot
We put it in the boiling water
And hear it hissing in the pot
IT’S CHRISTMAS BY GOLLY
It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s hang up the holly
It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s spend all our lolly
It’s Christmas by golly
It’s the time to be jolly
THE GOOD HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE
The good husband and his wife
Are happy partners in their life
Content in each others company
They live their life quite humbly
Yet come the time of advent
All time and effort is then spent
In the seasonal preparations
Of the coming celebrations
Where the good couple dwelt
Festive odours could be smelt
As special victuals quietly matured
As they cooked and baked and cured
This went on till advent passed
And they had cooked their last
Then the boxes were well packed
To ensure that no one lacked
The boxes were then sent on their way
To be delivered for Christmas day
To the poor and needy of the town
To those that society had let down
But not all was sent on its way
There was plenty kept for Christmas day
When friends and neighbours all
Were invited to the little church hall
Where on that Christmas day
Their bounty was on display
Biscuits, bread and well filled pies
Cakes and sweets of varying size
Roasted meats, fowl and game
Fruits and nuts of every name
And a good time was had by all
At the happy feast at the church hall
The good husband and his wife
The happy partners in each others life
Content in each others company
Sat in the corner quite humbly
Spectators at the feast of their making
Quietly satisfied with their undertaking
Content with their preparations
And happy with the Christmas celebrations
Mums make Christmas
Only they can
That is a fact of life
Her mission is simple
Every year
Recreating the day
Christmas for her
Holidays for her
Require of her to
Illuminate the season
Supply an army
Trim and decorate
Make and manufacture
Aid and assist
Sustain and nourish
Thank her
Honour her
Assist her
Neglect her not
Kids and spouses
Should respect her
THE LITTLE CHRISTINGLE GIRL
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Your daddy is so very far away
“Bring my daddy safely home”
These are the words you pray
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Daddy is away at the war
“Bring my daddy safely home
Bring him safely to our door”
Oh sweet little Christingle girl
How she misses daddy far away
How sad she is, he won’t be home
To be with them on Christmas day
At Sunday school she made a christingle
She took an orange to represent the world.
And to symbolize the blood Christ shed
She took the red ribbon from her curls
Then she decorated four tooth picks
With fruits and sweets and marshmallows
These she placed in the four corners
To represented all the earthly souls
Then finally in the centre of the orange
She stood a single candle of purest white
And when lit, the candle represented
The world filled with Christ’s loving light
The sweet little Christingle girl
Took it home with her that day
And stood it in the window
So daddy would find his way
And the sweet little Christingle girl
With her daddy so very far away
Knew that when he did come home
That would be their Christmas day
SANTA’S TOYS
When Santa was a boy
No bigger than an elf
He was in the workshop
Making toys himself
But he has no time now
For making his own toys
Because he’s out delivering
To all the girls and boys
CHRISTMAS AGAIN
The advent candle is lit again
The Christmas cards are writ again
Beneath the tree gifts sit again
We’ve overspent a bit again
The Christmas table is set again
Our loved ones are met again
We drink a toast of wet again
And say merry Christmas yet again
DECEMBER, DECEMBER
December, December
The snow has come
Falling all night long
Kids its time to have some fun
December, December
Children playing in the snow
Skating and sledding
Faces all aglow
December, December
More snow will come
Then all through the winter
Kids will have more fun
KRIS KRINGLE
If there is one thing
To make the senses tingle
It’s the coming of
The good Kris Kringle
On Christmas Eve
We wait and pray
For good Kris Kringle
To come our way
WE ARE THE CAROL SINGERS
We are the carol singers
Who sing carols as we go
We sing in any weather
In rain or wind or snow
At every house or cottage
That stands upon the lane
We proudly sing a carol
In snow or wind or rain
We are the carol singers
We never feel chagrined
As we proudly sing together
In snow or rain or wind
We shake the tin for charity
Singing carols as we go
We are the carol singers
In rain or wind or snow
THE MAN IN RED
Christmas Eve
It’s time for bed
Listen for the sleigh bells
Of the man in red
Cookies and milk
By the fire place
Excitement beams
From each child’s face
Up the stairs
And fast asleep
Close those eyes
You mustn’t peep
Then when you wake
You will see
Sweets and toys galore
To fill you with glee
SANTA CLAUS REALLY LOVES HIS JOB
Santa Claus really loves his job
He doesn’t do it for the money
But some times it’s a struggle
And sometimes it’s not funny
Trying to please the kids today
Is certainly no easy task
Balancing what they deserve
Against what they ask
Sometimes Santa is impatient
With the ungrateful little buggers
And pictures them in the future
As sociopaths, fraudsters or muggers
But Santa Claus really loves his job
And most of the kids are a joy
So he does try to be patient
And see the best in every girl and boy
THE SANTA BLUES
Santa Claus works really hard
Dawn till dusk all the year long
And he is happy with his team
They are always singing a song
But in December he’s in the spotlight
And he can’t put a foot wrong
He must be on his best behaviour
When Christmas Eve comes along
He doesn’t really like the limelight
It’s the back room where he belongs
And during his great journey
When he suffers the reindeers pong
It’s for his happy team of helpers
And the cosy workshop he will long
He is much happier in the workshop
Working and Singing a Christmas song
SANTA
Santa comes but once a year
Riding on his sleigh
From his North Pole HQ
With gifts for Christmas day
Santa comes down your chimney.
To fill your Christmas stockings
With nuts, fruit and candy
And all kinds of wonderful things
So remember on Christmas Eve
To be good girls and boys
Or Santa won’t come
To bring you lots of toys
CHRISTMAS WISH
I’m not looking forward to Christmas
Not since we lost Mum this year
I’m not looking forward to a Christmas
Devoid of any Christmas cheer
Dads doing his best to lift our spirits
All though inside he’s really hurting too
He wants to make it a special time
And do the things like Mum used to do
So we decked the house with garlands
And trimmed the Christmas tree
We hung the Christmas cards on strings
So that everyone could see
Then with all the decorations up
My Dad went round us one by one
To ask us what gift we wanted
And he promised his best would be done
My sister Jules wants new clothes
Kenny wants music of any kind
The twins they want an X-Box
And the baby really doesn’t mind
Then Dad asked me “what do you want son?
What gift would stop you feeling glum”?
I said “I don’t want a present Dad
All I wish for Christmas is my Mum”
VISITING SANTA
You have to wait in line
To see Santa, but that’s fine
It’s worth every minute of queuing
And the anticipation of viewing
Santa Claus with his big belly
Wobbling like a bowl full of jelly
And his fruity chuckle you hear
In the Christmas grotto each year
Then you get to climb onto his lap
And have your special Christmas chat
Then all too soon its time to go
And Santa gives you a HO HO HO
THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING
The pudding is in the basin
The cloth is tied in a knot
We put it in the boiling water
And hear it hissing in the pot
IT’S CHRISTMAS BY GOLLY
It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s hang up the holly
It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s spend all our lolly
It’s Christmas by golly
It’s the time to be jolly
THE GOOD HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE
The good husband and his wife
Are happy partners in their life
Content in each others company
They live their life quite humbly
Yet come the time of advent
All time and effort is then spent
In the seasonal preparations
Of the coming celebrations
Where the good couple dwelt
Festive odours could be smelt
As special victuals quietly matured
As they cooked and baked and cured
This went on till advent passed
And they had cooked their last
Then the boxes were well packed
To ensure that no one lacked
The boxes were then sent on their way
To be delivered for Christmas day
To the poor and needy of the town
To those that society had let down
But not all was sent on its way
There was plenty kept for Christmas day
When friends and neighbours all
Were invited to the little church hall
Where on that Christmas day
Their bounty was on display
Biscuits, bread and well filled pies
Cakes and sweets of varying size
Roasted meats, fowl and game
Fruits and nuts of every name
And a good time was had by all
At the happy feast at the church hall
The good husband and his wife
The happy partners in each others life
Content in each others company
Sat in the corner quite humbly
Spectators at the feast of their making
Quietly satisfied with their undertaking
Content with their preparations
And happy with the Christmas celebrations
Tuesday 1 December 2009
VENTURA HOLIDAY
A Christmas cruise in the Caribbean
What a dream for the Christmas season
It’s a dream holiday for anyone
And costs thousands of pounds for a reason
Among other things what you would expect
When venturing on the ocean waves
Is to be in company of like minded people
Who comprehend how they should behave
You book early to avoid disappointment
And the chance to choose where to stay
Settle the amount in plenty of time
Then in December you’re on your way
But then to ensure a full compliment
Those greedy so and so’s at P& O
Heavily discount the remaining cabins
To all and sundry, happy Christmas ho ho ho
From every city, village and town
From Great Yarmouth to Merseyside
From John O’Groats to Lands End
And from Fishguard to Tyneside
They come in search of a bargain
And a cut price berth on a luxury cruise
The uncouth the loutish and the crude
They who measure fun in volumes of booze
And so begins the Chav cruise from hell
Not hell for the Chavs themselves sadly
But for the poor souls who paid their way
Chavs know no other way to behave but badly
For alcohol consumption they know no limit
This is apparent for every poor soul to see
Drunken food fights soon breakout
Some even set fire to the Christmas tree
What a sad indictment on our society
The way the Chavs behave abroad
It’s a shame that international law
Won’t let us throw the bastards overboard
What a dream for the Christmas season
It’s a dream holiday for anyone
And costs thousands of pounds for a reason
Among other things what you would expect
When venturing on the ocean waves
Is to be in company of like minded people
Who comprehend how they should behave
You book early to avoid disappointment
And the chance to choose where to stay
Settle the amount in plenty of time
Then in December you’re on your way
But then to ensure a full compliment
Those greedy so and so’s at P& O
Heavily discount the remaining cabins
To all and sundry, happy Christmas ho ho ho
From every city, village and town
From Great Yarmouth to Merseyside
From John O’Groats to Lands End
And from Fishguard to Tyneside
They come in search of a bargain
And a cut price berth on a luxury cruise
The uncouth the loutish and the crude
They who measure fun in volumes of booze
And so begins the Chav cruise from hell
Not hell for the Chavs themselves sadly
But for the poor souls who paid their way
Chavs know no other way to behave but badly
For alcohol consumption they know no limit
This is apparent for every poor soul to see
Drunken food fights soon breakout
Some even set fire to the Christmas tree
What a sad indictment on our society
The way the Chavs behave abroad
It’s a shame that international law
Won’t let us throw the bastards overboard
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