I GOT A BIRTHDAY CARD TODAY

 

I got a Birthday card today

And it was full of rice again

I knew instantly why, because

It was from my Uncle Ben

ARE YOU WEARING YOUR BIRTHDAY SUIT?

Are you wearing your birthday suit?

This will probably be, old lad

Your best birthday ever

With all the practice you've had

ARE YOU WEARING YOUR BIRTHDAY CLOTHES?

Are you wearing your birthday clothes?

Well if I might be so bold

Don’t just sit there

Do something old

DEFINITION OF GOOSE BUMPS

 

Definition of Goose bumps

Is not just a reflex action

It’s what you give a goose

On his birthday celebration

THE ABSENT GIFT

 

The man explained why he hadn’t

Got his wife a gift for her birthday

The previous year he bought her

The nice plot in the cemetery

That she had requested, and she

Hadn’t used it, and he was unhappy

MY WIFE’S BIRTHDAY TOY

 

It was my wife’s birthday

So, I bought a sex toy for her

I don’t think it’s her fave

But it’s definitely up there

IT WAS FOGHORN LEGHORN’S BIRTHDAY

 

It was Foghorn Leghorn’s birthday

And he celebrated with his mates

When they threw him a great party

And served up his favourite coop-cakes

A DIPLOMAT IS A MAN WHO ALWAYS

 

A diplomat is a man who always,

Robert Frost stated quite sage,

Who remembers a woman’s birthday

But never remembers her age

I WAS ASKED WHO I WANTED

 

I was asked who I wanted

To celebrate my birthday

My answer was as easy as ABC

“Anyone but Chardonnay”

MY DAUGHTER WAS GIVEN A NOVELTY GIFT

 

My daughter was given a novelty gift

Which really wasn’t intended to confuse

But the look on her face was a picture

When she held a pair of chocolate shoes

IT WAS ANOTHER SUV BIRTHDAY

 

It was another SUV birthday

Thanks to my significant other

No not that kind of SUV, I got

Socks, Underwear and Viagra

AT WORK IT WAS THE BIRTHDAY

 

At work it was the birthday

Of a colleague that no one can abide

The card we got was perfect for her

Because it was blank inside

ARE YOU WEARING YOUR BIRTHDAY CLOTHES? # 1

 

Are you wearing your birthday clothes?

Well, if I might be so bold

Don’t just sit there

Or you might catch cold

AT ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF AGE SHE WAS ASKED

At one hundred years of age she was asked

At her age what thing gave her the most pleasure?

She thought for a moment before she replied

The most satisfying thing was “No peer pressure” 

IF YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS A BIRTHDAY PARTY

If your daughter wants a birthday party

At home, make it Cinderella themed

That way you can be the wicked queen

And the guests can keep the house clean

BIRTHDAY RITUAL

 

When I have a birthday

I take the day off

When my wife has one

She takes a year off

TOFU GATEAUX

 

For my birthday my kids

Bought me a Tofu Gateaux

Which was as much use to me

As a slinky in a bungalow

YOU ARE 50 YEARS OLD

 

You are 50 years old

And if I may be so bold

Despite what you were told

The emphasis is on the old

OLD GEEZER FOR SALE

50 year old,

Needs TLC, well used

One previous owner

No reasonable offer refused

MILESTONE 60 # 4

I don’t want you to think that today

I think of you as a little older

I wouldn’t think that on your birthday

Actually, I think of you as a lot older