WATCH OUT IN TRANSYLVANIA

 

Watch out in Transylvania

Because the snowmen

Will, given the chance,

Give you a nasty frostbite

IT HAPPENS EVERY HALLOWEEN

 

It happens every Halloween when

Enthusiastic revellers frequent

Accident and Emergency, where

Clinicians call it trick or treatment

I DON’T BELIEVE IN SPOOKS AND DEMONS

 

I don’t believe in spooks and demons

I think that should be understood

But there are always more trick-or-treaters

Than there are kids in the neighborhood

HALLOWEEN IS ONE OF THE FEW

 

Halloween is one of the very few

Acceptable times to wear body glitter

When you have a reasonable expectation

Of not being mistaken for a stripper

HALLOWEEN PROPOSITION

 

My future wife was dressed like a tart

When we first met on Elm Street

And she said very provocatively

“I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat”

THANK GOODNESS FOR HALLOWEEN

 

Thank goodness for Halloween,

I can say that without hesitation

Because the cobwebs have suddenly

Become Halloween decorations

I MET A GIRL ON HALLOWEEN

I met a girl on Halloween,

Wearing blood suckers attire

But alas she wasn’t costumed

She was actually a vampire

IF VAMPIRES CAN’T SEE

 

If vampires can’t see

Their own reflection

In a mirror, either flat

Convex or concave

Then the thing that I

Have always wondered is

How do they manage?

When they have to shave?

WE FOUND A BRILLIANT BUILDER

 

We found a brilliant builder

His workmanship is out of sight

The only snag is he’s Transylvanian

So, he can only work at night

ARE YOU WEARING HALLOWEEN SLIPPERS?

 

Are you wearing Halloween slippers?

They look very cute it must be said

But I think they’d look much cuter

If I was to see them under my bed

HALLOWEEN IS JUST AN EXCUSE

 

Halloween is just an excuse

For girls to dress inappropriately

And that’s why Halloween

Is the best holiday for me

HALLOWEEN FANCY DRESS

 

My friend asked me

What I was going to be

For Halloween

I said “Drunk will do me”

IF VAMPIRES CAN’T SEE THEIR OWN REFLECTION

 

If vampires can’t see

Their own reflection

In a mirror or anything else

That’s shiny

Then the thing I

Have always wondered is

How do they manage?

To keep their hair tidy?

I AM BEING HAUNTED BY

 

I am being haunted by

A dancing ghostly vision

Who really has the moves

So I call him Boogie Man

WHY COULDN'T THE WITCH HAVE CHILDREN?

 

 

Why couldn't the witch have children?

It wasn’t just because she was a meanie

The answer is far more fundamental

Because her husband had a hallow weenie

THE GRIM REAPER CAME FOR ME LAST NIGHT

The Grim Reaper came for me last night

And I could barely catch my breath

But I beat him away with a vacuum cleaner

And was really Dyson with death.

WE FOUND A BRILLIANT BUILDER

 

We found a brilliant builder

His workmanship is out of sight

The only snag is he’s Transylvanian

So he can only work at night

ARE YOU WEARING BLOODY CLOTHES?

Are you wearing bloody clothes?

I don’t mind admitting that you look scary

I hope it’s a Halloween costume and you

Haven’t escaped from the penitentiary.

A HOLIDAY DECEPTION # 2

 

I pretend to be someone I’m not

Just to receive something sweet

Which could be for Valentine’s Day

Or just for a Halloween treat

THE LESSON THAT HALLOWEEN TEACHES

 

The lesson that Halloween teaches

Us all, Might well strike a chord

It’s pretending to be something you're not

Which will lead to a sweet reward