I WENT AWAY TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY

 

I went away to a third world country in secret

Because I knew the British doctors would scoff

So, I went ahead and had a cheap circumcision

But although it was a lot cheaper it was a rip off

AN AFFAIR OF THE HEART

 

An affair of the heart

And at my age too

Well yes, I know it’s

A bypass that’s true

A MAN RECOVERING FROM SURGERY

A man recovering from surgery was asked

By the nurse “how are you feeling Mr Dukes?”

“I’m a little concerned about a four letter word

Uttered during the surgery by Doctor Proops”

“What exactly did he say?” asked the nurse.

The man went very pale and then said “Oops!” 

FRANKENSTEIN PHYSICIANS

 

Plastic surgeons have the expertise

To enhance breasts into a feature

But disproportionate enhancement

Makes for an odd-looking creature

PEEPING TOM

 

Well, what a life changing experience

Before my surgery I could barely see

It was like looking through frosted glass

Shapes and colours seen indistinctly

But when the dressing came off

I could see much better, just a little misty

Like looking through steamed up glass

But now even the mist has cleared

And I can see everything perfectly

I can see the girl I love as clear as day

But I still have to climb up a tree to do it

A FARE HEARING

 

My friend just returned from America

Where he had undergone surgery

To have a hearing aid implant fitted

And he was telling me about it excitedly

 

He said it was space age, state of the art

Twenty thousand dollars and worth every dime

I asked about the battery, “What type is it”?

He said I think it’s a little after nine

NORMAL SERVICE HAS BEEN RESUMED

 

Now I’ve had my sight restored

Thanks to the surgeon’s precision

I finally appreciate the worth

Of TV in High Definition

After spending so many years

Watching TV in Monet vision

ATTRACTION

 

I’m overweight I know

But it’s not my fault though

It’s because of the surgeries

Replacing my hips and knees

It’s the fridge magnets you see

They keep attracting me