ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY?

 

Are you addicted to plastic surgery?

Or just had more than your fair share

Well, it’s a sure sign when your surgeon

Is an employee of Tupperware

MY DECISION TO BECOME A DOCTOR

 

My decision to become a doctor

Even though it helped me burgeon

Raised more than a few eyebrows

But then I am a plastic surgeon

FRANKENSTEIN PHYSICIANS

 

Plastic surgeons have the expertise

To enhance breasts into a feature

But disproportionate enhancement

Makes for an odd-looking creature

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING

 

You can wear an ankle bracelet

And have piercings through your bits

You can even have a tramp stamp

But don’t go messing with your tits

 

You can wear a thong up your bum

You can remove every hair you’ve grown

You can show everyone your belly

But please leave your tits alone

 

I’ll admit they’re not the biggest

But you have the perfect little pair

I don’t want you to look like Jordan

With two footballs hanging there

 

Your breasts were made by nature

And by definition they are perfection

I don’t want a surgeon Frankenstein

Messing with your lovely confections

DRASTIC SURGERY

 

People of a certain age

With skin like tired elastic

Go to see a surgeon

And are quite enthusiastic

Though the procedures

Seem a little drastic

The surgeon promises

They will look fantastic

In reality however they just

Tighten the tired elastic

But the patient is satisfied

And pay the bill on plastic

MY WIFE WANTED BREAST AUGMENTATION

 

My wife wanted breast augmentation

Because she was completely flat

And I wanted to get an Eagle Tattoo

So we negotiated, kind of, Tit for Tat

NIP AND TUCK

 

Some people seek perfection

Something’s offend their vanity

Which leads them to decide

On bouts of cosmetic surgery

 

Breast enlargements, tummy tucks

Rhinoplasty implants and grafts

New procedures all the time

Techniques to test the surgeon craft

 

I don’t hold with it myself

It’s something I have always felt

Never mess with Mother Nature

And play the hand you are dealt

HEATH MATTERS

DRASTIC SURGERY

People of a certain age
With skin like tired elastic
Go to see a surgeon
And are quite enthusiastic
Though the procedures
Seem a little drastic
The surgeon promises
They will look fantastic
In reality however they just
Tighten the tired elastic
But the patient is satisfied
And pay the bill on plastic

IT’S THE WRONG WAY ROUND

Plastic surgeons think themselves Gods
As they try to turn back the clock
I think plastic surgery is nonsense
Trying to hold back the ravages of time
By nipping and tucking
And implanting and enhancing
It is an exercise in futility
People who have face lifts
Don’t look younger
Just permanently surprised
The medical profession
By trying to preserve aging flesh
Is approaching the problem
From the wrong direction
Would it not be better?
To transplant the brain
Of a mature man or woman
Into the body of a vacuous teenager
Then you could have fabulous sex
Followed by great conversation