ON THE WARD FOR UNWELL BOYS

 

On the ward for unwell boys

There were a selection of toys

Operation was the particular game

That Tom asked for by name

But Sister said without hesitation

“There’s a waiting list for operation”

THE EMERGENCY ROOM DOCTOR

The Emergency Room doctor said

“I don't like the look of your wife at all sir”

“Nor me” he agreed “But she can cook,

Do the decorating and the kids like her”

A MAN RECOVERING FROM SURGERY

A man recovering from surgery was asked

By the nurse “how are you feeling Mr Dukes?”

“I’m a little concerned about a four letter word

Uttered during the surgery by Doctor Proops”

“What exactly did he say?” asked the nurse.

The man went very pale and then said “Oops!” 

PATIENTS RIGHTS

 

A patient asked “nurse, why did you stop

My visitors coming to see me?”

She replied “you know perfectly well why,

You broke the rules Mr Ellery”

“But listen here I know my rights” he persisted

“I’m allowed to have three”

“You are allowed friends and family not

Prostitutes and takeaway deliveries"

ANAPHYLAXIS

 

I had to go to the hospital today

After I had been stung by a bee

And my head really swelled up

But the doctors said not to worry

It was just caused by anaphylaxis

Which I have to say surprised me

Because I went to school with her

And I thought she really liked me

HAVING A STROKE

 

A woman arrived on the ward

To visit her husband one day

And when she saw him in his bed

He looked in a very bad way

She asked the nurse what happened

“He had another stroke” The nurse said

The woman unconvinced

Questioned her about bruises to his head

“That’s not normal for someone having a stroke”

She said to her crossly

“I can tell you it is perfectly normal madam

When he’s having a stroke of me”

HOSPITAL DUDE

 

The coolest dude at the hospital

Is the ultra sound guy

But when he is on holiday

It’s the hip replacement guy

CODE NAMED EPPING

 

I had occasion, this week to visit a close friend in hospital and while there I ran into another friend, Sheila who I hadn’t seen for about a year, who is a nurse.

She was on her way to get a coffee and as I had finished my visit and was on my way home, she suggested that I joined her so we could catch up.

So, half an hour and two cups of coffee later and having filled in the blanks of the previous twelve months we were joined by Karen another nurse.

As we sat their chatting over another cup of coffee I was intrigued as to why Karen kept referring to a third party as “Epping” for example “Epping did this” or “Epping did that”.

Finally, my curiosity got the better of me and I asked who Epping was and they both laughed, Karen almost hysterically, then Sheila explained that “Epping” was another nursing colleague called Su Monks.

I thought for a moment what the reason for calling her Epping might be, aware as I was that medical staff were famous for putting codes on patient notes such as NAB which translates to “needs a bath” or PITA “pain in the arse” I tried to decode Epping, the girls looked at me in amusement as I struggled, I even tried to find a link between Epping and the girls name but try as I may I could not translate Epping into anything so I had to ask.

“Alright I give in what does Epping mean”?

They both laughed again and then Sheila said, “We call her Epping because she’s just past Barking.”