WE WILL GO TO SWITZRLAND

 

We will go to Switzerland

With our Dog from Alsace

When the time comes, and

Go to the clinic, Dognitas

A CAT CALLED BOWLING

 

We have a cat called “Bowling”

So why did we call him that?

It’s obvious when you think about it

Because “Bowling” is an Alley cat

I WAS TOLD SOMETHING INTERESTING

 

I was told something interesting

By the RSPCA Man

He said Dogs can’t have an MRI

But explained that CatsCan

MY DOG BIT ME ON THE NUTS

 

My dog bit me on the nuts

When I accidentally kicked her

My wife said it was karma

But I thought she was crosser

THE HEAD OF GLOBAL SALES

 

The head of global sales

Bought a new kitten today

And when he took it home

He took it to the litter tray

And then he said “let’s not

Think outside the box, ok”

THE VET SAID

 

The vet said “Your Pekinese will keep vomiting,

But it’s your choice

To continue to keep talking to the creature

In that stupid gooey voice”

APPARENTLY OWNING A DOG

 

Apparently owning a dog

Can take ten years off you

I now have four of them

But I still look sixty-two

MY KIDS ARE STILL MAD AT ME

 

I put Ginger in the Casserole

I am in trouble as is the habit

I thought it was very tasty

But they really loved that rabbit

PROS AND CONS FOR BECOMING A CAT OWNER

 

I was told I should buy a cat

“Why on earth would I do that?”

“They’re good company” they say

“And they keep the mice away”

Well eventually they convinced me

And I admit its good company

As to the expelling from my house

Of every type and size of mouse

They are a great disappointment

And their failure is evident

It is they who bring in a mouse

Into the comfort of my house

As a toy with which they play

But they let the toy get away

Now the mouse is here to stay

MY KIDS ARE MAD AT ME

 

I put Ginger in the Curry

And my kids are angry at that

I thought it was very tasty

But they really loved that cat

MY DAD HAD TO HAVE HIS CAT PUT DOWN

 

My Dad had to have his cat put down

It was all terribly sad

He didn’t find that the lethal injection

Was all that bad

But what the vet said afterwards

Really upset my Dad

“That’s the first of the injections

Out of the way Mr Plaid

Only another eight to go”

Which was when Pop went mad

MY CAT IS A FUSSY EATER # 2

 

My cat is a fussy eater

That’s not uncommon for a Siamese

And some days only RATatouille

On a bed of Mice will please

MY CAT IS A FUSSY EATER # 1

 

My cat is a fussy eater

That’s not uncommon for a Siamese

And for breakfast she will only eat

A bowl of Mice Crispies

MY DOG MUST BE MUSICAL

 

My dog must be musical

What rubbish I hear you groan

But he must be I tell you

As I saw him eating a trombone

BIMBETTES LOST DOG

 

Bimbette lost her dog

And she was distraught

Peaches, to cheer her up

Said I think you ought

To advertise in the paper

Just give it a whirl

So, she wrote the ad

“Come here girl”

AT DR DOOLITTLE’S ANIMAL CLINIC

 

At Dr Doolittle’s animal clinic

The Animals do the lot

The chief vet is a Labrador

Assisted by a dog called spot

 

But it’s not a cheap option

With extra charges of all sorts

For PET scans and Polly grams

Cat scans and Lab reports

CAN I BUY A GOLDFISH?

I went into a pet shop and said,

“Can I buy a goldfish?”

The girl said, “certainly sir

If that’s what you wish,

Do you want an aquarium?”

She asked putting me in a tiz

Finally, I replied “Well actually

I don't care what star sign it is”

FISHY BLONDE

Bimbette took her goldfish to the vet

"I think it's got epilepsy" Bimbette said.

The Vet took a good long look

Then stood scratching his head

 

"It seems calm enough to me".

Said the puzzled vet,

Bimbette replied

"I haven't taken it out of the water yet".

BREAKFAST FOR MAISIE

 

This morning, mewing loudly

The cat greeted me

She clearly wanted her breakfast

So I gave her mewsly

AMAZONIAN SPIDER

 

My son wants a spider

For his approaching birthday

I’m giving it some thought

I’ve not said yay or nay

 

Well, I checked the price

At a well-known pet shop

And when they said £90

Wow did my jaw drop

 

But he’s dead set on a spider

Won’t accept anything instead

So, if he really wants a spider

I’ll get a cheap one off the web