A DISILLUSIONED VET WROTE A BOOK

 

A disillusioned vet wrote a book

And it is a real kiss and tell

About his life and times, entitled 

All creatures grunt and smell

THE VET SAID

 

The vet said “Your Pekinese will keep vomiting,

But it’s your choice

To continue to keep talking to the creature

In that stupid gooey voice”

MY UNCLE HAS WRITTEN AN EXPOSE

 

My Uncle has written an expose

It’s a real kiss and tell

About being a vet, it’s called

All creatures grunt and smell

FISHY BLONDE

Bimbette took her goldfish to the vet

"I think it's got epilepsy" Bimbette said.

The Vet took a good long look

Then stood scratching his head

 

"It seems calm enough to me".

Said the puzzled vet,

Bimbette replied

"I haven't taken it out of the water yet".

A DISILLUSIONED VET WROTE A BOOK

 

A disillusioned vet wrote a book

And it is a real kiss and tell

About his life and times, entitled 

All creatures grunt and smell

MY DAD HAD TO HAVE HIS CAT PUT DOWN

 

My Dad had to have his cat put down

It was all terribly sad

He didn’t find that the lethal injection

Was all that bad

But what the vet said afterwards

Really upset my Dad

“That’s the first of the injections

Out of the way Mr Plaid

Only another eight to go”

Which was when Pop went mad

PIG SICK

 

In veterinary terms

If a pig’s throat was sore

And he lost his voice

Is he a disgruntled boar?

DOWN PATCH

 

Bruno was a young slavering Boxer

And quite an ugly looking brute

While Ginger was a Yorkshire terrier

And so by definition rather cute

On this summer evening it was

The first time the two dogs had ever met

While waiting with their humans

In the waiting room of the local vet

It was friendly Ginger who was the first

To speak and too break the ice

“There’s something stuck up my bum

And you know that’s not very nice”

“I’m a yorkie and they call me Ginger

What does your human call you?”

“I’m a Boxer called Bruno very pleased

To meet you, how do you do”?

“I’m here for more tests because

I don’t think they know what’s wrong”

Said ginger with resignation

 “Why are you here you look fit and strong”?

“Well” replied Bruno “you know how sultry

The weather’s been lately”

“I’m a young virile dog and to be honest

I’ve been feeling very fruity”

“I was patrolling the house last night

As normal when what do I find?”

“I found my human naked and bending over

So I jumped her from behind”

Ginger rather shocked said

 “So she’s brought you here to get you snipped”

“Well that’s what I thought at first

But she just want’s my toe nails clipped”

CLARISSA THE CROSS EYED PIG

 

A man takes his prize pig to see the vet and says

My pig is cross-eyed can you help in some way?

So, he picks the pig up and examines her eyes

Then checks her teeth and then finally he sighs

“I think I’m going to have to put her down now”

“For being cross-eyed?” “No coz she's a heavy sow”