PIZZA FAME

 

When my Dad was just a boy

He had never heard of pizza

But he thought it was famed

For having a leaning tower

SALT AND SHAKE

When I was a kid all crisps were plain

But we didn’t care about that a jot

After all we still had the choice

Of whether to put the salt on or not

WE USED TO EAT A LOT OF RICE

 We used to eat a lot of rice

When I was a boy, no kidding

But never for our dinner, we had it

With condensed milk for pudding

THEY’D NEVER HEARD OF YOGURT

 

They’d never heard of yogurt

When my Mum was young

And putting it on your privates

Would’ve got you hung

CURRYING FAVOUR

When my grandfather was a boy

No Curry houses existed near or far

In order to go out for an Indian

He would’ve had to go to India

MY GRANDFATHER TAKES FIVE SUGARS

My Grandfather takes five sugars

In his tea and yet he is very old

He remembers when sugar was good

In fact, he said it was called white gold

WHAT KIND OF FOOD IS MUESLI?

 

What kind of food is Muesli?

It’s really rather absurd

On the farm it’s not dissimilar

To what we feed the herd

OILY FOOD

 

When my dad was a boy, there was

No cooking oil or anything like that

Oil was for lubricating the garden gate

And you cooked everything in fat

WHEN I WAS A KID I WAS COVERED

 

When I was a kid I was covered

In chocolate cake dough

Cherries and whipped cream

Life was hard in the gateau 

NEVER MIX THE GRAPE AND THE GRAIN

 

Never mix the grape and the grain

My Dad always said to me

And his inference was quite plain

Mixing them would be silly

Well now I think he was insane

They mix perfectly in my muesli

LAST NIGHT I HAD FOR MY TEA

 

Last night I had for my tea

A delicious beef stew

With dumplings, better known

As my wife Sue

I AM FROM THE CARIBBEAN

 

I am from the Caribbean

And I find cooking very hard

But I do one thing very well

RhuBarbados and custard

IF IT TASTES LIKE BUTTER

 

If it tastes like butter

In your sandwich

And you can spread it

Straight from the fridge

Then you’ve probably

Had a power outage

DO YOU WANT BABY SPINACH

 

“Do you want Baby Spinach?

Or Water Cress Dad”

My daughter asked me

And I went completely mad

“For God’s sake just choose one

It’s not Rocket Salad”

MY NEW GIRLFRIEND IS FROM GLASGOW

 

My new girlfriend is from Glasgow

And when I met her Father and Mother

I found they were incredibly posh, 

They served deep fried Ferrero Rocher

MY FATHER WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN

 

My Father was trying to explain

About anaphylactic shock again

And wasn’t doing it very well

I could have explained it in a nutshell

I AM NOT IN ANY WAY INTERESTED IN

 

I am not in any way interested in

An alternative energy supplier

Because if I said I was unhappy

With food I would be a liar

PEPPA PIG IS VERY VERSATILE

 

Peppa Pig is very versatile

On Sundays is very nice

But also goes well with

Gnocchi, pasta and rice

PASTA’S

 

The are many

Types of Pasta

But a Spagelini

Is an impasta

BEEF AND CHICKEN

 

I’m used to the term

Surf and turf on a menu

If you want meat and seafood

But now if you want to

Eat Beef and Chicken together

You order Leather and feather