I AM A REALLY TERRIBLE COOK

 

I am a really terrible cook

I’ve burnt everything so far

I’m definitely not Cordon Bleu

In fact I’m more Cordon Noir

I AM FROM THE CARIBBEAN

 

I am from the Caribbean

And I find cooking very hard

But I do one thing very well

RhuBarbados and custard

COQ AU VAN

 

I tried cooking with wine last night

But it didn’t go very well therein

After five generous glasses

I forgot why I was in the kitchen

BURNT OFFERINGS

 

My wife burns the toast

She makes a habit of it

Then puts it in the garden

For the sparrows and the tits

 

Not many birds are keen

Even in the harshest weather

But you can spot those who are

Because of the curly feathers

NIGELA I’M NOT

 

I’m not a domestic goddess

And it’s not something I espouse

If you don’t believe me

Just ask the spouse

He’ll tell you, I only have a kitchen

Because it came with the house

IT’S THE DOGS…. ONCE AGAIN

 

George loved his wife Elsie dearly

They’d been married 40 years nearly

George loved her from the very first look

But sadly Elsie was a desperate cook

To her great credit it didn’t deter her

From preparing a variety of fare

One day she served something cordon bleu

Which caused George to sit and stare

It was truly awful even just to look at

Some burnt, some raw and swimming in fat

Reluctantly he took a taste of the presentation

And gave it to his dog without hesitation

Then immediately after eating some

The dog started licking at his bum

“Why is he doing that?" she said in disgust

As the dog did what all dogs must

George replied quite straight faced

“He’s trying to get rid of the taste”

I AM A REALLY TERRIBLE COOK

 

I am a really terrible cook

I’ve burnt everything so far

I’m definitely not Cordon Bleu

In fact I’m more Cordon Noir