BREAST STROKE MODE

When Bimbette the model Was still at school

She lost in a race in the swimming pool

It was the breast stroke race she came last in

Because her competitors used their arms to swim 

SHOPPING MODE # 2

 

Bimbette was a model

And not very bright

She went shopping

After work one night

But something unforeseen

Was to befall her

Tragically she was trapped

On the malls escalator

For four hours

She stood with eyes tight shut

Unable to move a muscle

Due to a power cut

SHOPPING MODE # 1

 

Bimbette was a model

And was not very bright

And she went shopping

After work one night

She bought herself a scarf

Which was garish and bright

But she had to take it back

Because it was too tight

THE BOYS WERE CATCHING CRABS

 

Down on the beach, the boys

Were, Catching Crabs

In other words, they were shagging

Bimbette and Babs

SEX

 

There is no remedy for sex

If you’re a girl from Essex

But to have more sex

SPEEDING TICKET

 

Bimbette was stopped for speeding

When asked to produce her license

She launched into a tirade of abuse

“This doesn’t make any bloody sense”

When the officer calmed her down

He asked Bimbette to explain

“Well, you only took it away yesterday

And now you want to see it again”

I'LL TAKE THE RED ONE

 

Bimbette asked in a sex shop

“I want to buy a new vibrator”

The assistant said “just choose

From that display by the door

"I'll take the red one" She said

To the man behind the counter

He replied with a deep sigh

"That's a fire extinguisher"

BASILDON BIMBETTE

 

Bimbette had to fill out a form

A task she found hard to perform

Finally, she only had one box to go

Where it said “sign here” she wrote Leo

BASILDON BLONDEST

 

Aided by four-inch white stiletto heels

She stood to the height of five foot four

As on unsteady fishnet covered legs

She tottered ungracefully through the door

Wearing a skirt, no wider than a belt

And a skimpy top clearly not up to the job

When Plied with an Alco pop or two

She’ll be any easy lay for some young yob

BASILDON BLONDER

 

She had piercing’s

In ears nose and lip

And a very ugly Tatt

On one of her hips

A sad old slapper

Looking for sex

A good time girl

No doubt from Essex

BASILDON BLONDE

 

A dizzy blonde

A little bit simple

A fun filled package

All tits and dimples

Smelling of chips,

Booze and fags

A good time girl

Looking for a shag

CHECK WITH THE DOC

Bimbette went to the doctors

To talk about her pregnancy

Doc asked, “Have you had a checkup?”

She said, “No he was polish actually”

TEX MEX RING DING

My blonde girlfriends

Are really silly

They think Taco Bell

Is the Mexican Phone Company

AIR HEAD

 

Bimbette went to the airport

And saw a sign that said

“Airport left,” she turned around

And went home instead

HOW MUCH

 

My blonde girlfriend

Is dumb to the core

She asks for price checks

At the pound store

ETERNAL DEFINITION

 

You can easily describe

Eternity by its definition

Four blonde car drivers

At a four-way intersection

AM I BLONDE

 

Bimbette and Peaches

Thought they couldn’t use

There AM radio in the afternoon

In their views

AI DI

Would you call a blonde

Who for instance

Has died her hair brunette

Artificial intelligence

BRAINY BLONDE

The brain cells

Of a blonde crone

Will almost inevitably

Die all Alone

LONGSTREET MAYBE

 

Returning home, Bimbette was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime and then sat down and cried

The closest police officer to the burgled house was a dog handler and his canine friend

So officer Katarski and a German shepherd called Monty were the first ones to attend

As the officer approached the house with his dog on a lead Bimbette ran out at the sound

She shuddered at the sight of the policeman and his dog, then sat down on the ground

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen”

I call the police for help, and what do they do? They actually send me a blind policeman!"