ARE YOU WEARING THE BOSS’S HAT?

 

Are you wearing the boss’s hat?

I laugh when you call me that

And based on what I spend on kebabs

Either on my own or with the lads

It all adds up to a fair amount of money

Calling me boss is too true to be funny

FRENCH FAVOURITE

 

As a Nation, the French

Like to eat Snails

But as a fast food option

The traditional dish fails

HAPPINESS TRANSACTION

Money can't buy you happiness

Isn’t that supposed to be the deal?

Well, I beg to differ, because

I bought myself a Happy Meal

FAST FOOD DRIVE THROUGH’S

 

Fast food Drive through’s

I’m afraid, are a step too far

And I find them quite expensive

By the time you’ve hired a car

IF YOU EAT A BURGER

 

If you eat a burger

And it gives you the trots

You will probably find

It was horsemeat like as not

PLAYING "LA CUCARACHA"

 

Playing "La Cucaracha"

I hear the chimes call

Come get our hot food

Come one and come all

It’s the cockroach song

Is no one concerned at all?

WE HAVE A NEW MARKET IN TOWN

 

We have a new market in town

And they do Korean street food

One customer ordered poodle noodles

Which I thought was quite rude

CHINESE FAST FOOD

 

We went out to pick up

A Chinese takeaway

But we were skint, so we did

A Chinese Runaway

I ORDERED A BURGER AND FRIES

I ordered a burger and fries

Even though I know it’s all full of fat

but the girl behind the counter

Said “would you like fries with that?” 

WHEN WIMPY PREVAILED

When I was just a young man

Wimpy houses were prevailing

And a Big Mac was something

We wore when it was raining

I’M NOT SURE IF INDEED IT’S ME

 

I’m not sure if indeed it’s me

Or maybe its intentional irony

But you can hear the approach

Of the daily “Roach Coach”

The chime being the announcer

As it plays La Cucaracha

GIVE A MAN A FISH

 

Give a man a fish

And you’ll feed him for a day

Teach him to use the Net

And he’ll order a takeaway

THE PERILS OF FAST FOOD

 

Why did the hapless Wile E. Coyote

In pursuit of his nemesis, Roadrunner

Spend a fortune on ACME products

Every all singing, all dancing, must have winner

If he had all that money to burn

He could just have paid for his dinner

TOMMY’S LUNCH

 

I had a ploughman's lunch

The other day.

He wasn't very happy

Is all I can say.

WHEN THE HEADLESS CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD

 

When the headless chicken crossed the road

There was no wing under which to tuck it

Because sadly the chicken crossed the road

In a mega sized, southern fried, family bucket

IN THESE TRYING TIMES

 

In these trying times

Innovation is required

To make the most

Of any opportunities 

Like a pop-up restaurant

Which sells toast

MEAL DEAL

 

The kids have a happy meal

When we go to McDonalds

Why don’t they extend the range?

To meet demands at Ronald’s

As we’re not always happy

Hysterical or even jolly

What about manic-depressives

And the sad and the melancholy

Instead of a plastic toy

Perhaps a more practical addition

With every melancholy meal

A pot of Valium or Mogadon

KEEPING ABREAST

 

If a fraction of the effort that went into

Research of women’s breasts and their bras

Had instead gone into exploration

Of space, the galaxy, and the stars

We would today be operating

Burger joints on the moon and mars

TEX MEX RING DING

My blonde girlfriends

Are really silly

They think Taco Bell

Is the Mexican Phone Company

SLIDING OUT OF CHILDHOOD

The first sign of childhood ending

That you can remember so far

When you are too tall to be allowed

On the slide at the burger bar