THE HUNDRED YEARS WAR

 

Called the Hundred Years War

I was understandably misled

Because the war really lasted

A hundred and sixteen instead

PAUL REVERE

 

Obviously, Paul Revere famously

Rode his horse from Boston

Because the horse was too heavy

For him to carry to Lexington

WHEN ANNE BOLEYN WAS UNDRESSED

When Anne Boleyn was undressed

It was observed when they viewed her

That she was covered in tooth marks

Because of her husband Henry Tudor 

WE MUST REWRITE THE HISTORY BOOKS

 

We must rewrite the history books

King Tut was not really Egyptian

Dad was a Scot, his Mum Spanish

And he was named Tartan Carmen

WHY DO WE NEVER LEARN?

 

Why do we never learn?

We look back at past mistakes

And yet we do the same again

We view history

Without learning the lessons

Time and time again

But every time

History repeats itself

The price goes up

OLD SOLDIERS WEARIED WITH AGE

 

Old soldiers wearied with age

Marching with faltering stride

Carry themselves with dignity

And wear the uniform with pride

GEORGE WASHINGTON CHOPPED DOWN

 

George Washington chopped down

His father's favourite cherry tree,

Then George admitted doing it

He was rewarded for his honesty

When his father didn't punish him

Well, those are the accepted facts

But I think we should consider

That George was still holding the ax

SLAVERY WAS BORN OF EMPIRE

 

Slavery was born of Empire

But not a European one

Slavery existed for centuries

In fact, thousands of years

Way before Europe rose to the fore

Even the Romans came late to the party

Following in Greece’s footsteps

Peoples were enslaved

From around the globe

Where there were trade routes

There was slaving

Arabs traded slaves bought

From African tribesmen

Muslims enslaved slavs

Turks enslaved Ukrainians

Mongols reached into the heart of Europe

And took slaves by the thousand

White Europeans became involved

Black enslaved black

White has enslaved white

I don’t know if it will ever end

I certainly hope so

But what I do know is

That the British didn’t invent it

RED ROSE

 

Red rose carried no blush

She was not an English flower

Red rose was not prettily fragranced

She was not sweet, but sour

Red rose though of English genus

Was a spy for a Marxist power

THE ROYAL CHARTER STORM

 

The Royal Charter storm

Which blew up out of the Irish Sea

Takes its name from one ship

Out of the 133 ships

Sunk on the 25 and 26 October 1859

With a further 80 damaged

And a death toll of 800

EAST INDIAMAN ARNISTON

 

The Arniston was an East Indiaman

But had been requisitioned as a troopship

She was sailing from Ceylon to England

To repatriate soldiers wounded in the Kandyan Wars

When during a storm near Cape Agulhas, South Africa

She was wrecked at Waenhuiskrans on 30 May 1815

With only six surviving of the 378 aboard

I WAS ONCE A MEDICAL STUDENT # 1

I was once a medical student

But they had to send me home

As I thought “Caesarean section”

Was a district in Rome

RED BRICK

 

Red Brick, built Britain

For common man and squire

Built from the ground up

Until they built an Empire

MY BROTHER TEACHES

 

My brother teaches

Year nine history

Which in itself

Is a bit of a mystery

As there are more

Interesting years surely

PRIOR TO 1066

 

Prior to 1066

Before he became a conqueror

William of Normandy

Was just known as William the.

THE BRONZE AGE

 

Of all the ages of history

Historian will attest

That the bronze age

Was the third best

CELTIC PRIDE

 

The Celts are a proud lot

As they’ll tell you like as not

But when the Romans came to stay

The Celts up and ran away

That is exactly what they did

They ran away and hid

And there they stayed on their own

Until the Romans left for home

Then came the Vikings and the Danes

So, the Celts ran away again

This noble race mild and meek

Happily playing hide and seek

Well so much for Celtic pride

Nobly running away to hide

Now don’t climb on your high horse

I am a Celt myself of course

And those who run away today

Live to run away another day

THE SPICE OF LIFE

 

In the great war my grandfather

Survived a mustard gas attack

On a peace march my father

Survived a pepper spray attack

On a rally my uncle had mace

Squirted right in his face

I suppose you could call my ancestors

Seasoned campaigners

LADY MARY

 

Mary, lady with the malady

The marmaladie lady

M’lady marmalade

Mary the marmaladie lady

SIR CUMFERENCE OF CAMELOT

Sir Cumference of Camelot

Could eclipse the sun in the sky

With the bulk of his obesity

Though he didn’t know why

His physician warned him that

Left unchecked he would die

But he had a hearty appetite

And that was the reason why

Sir Cumference of Camelot

Could eclipse the sun in the sky

And the immensity of his girth

Was caused, by too much pi