DO LAZY PEOPLE EXERCISE

 

Do lazy people exercise?

I happen to think probably not

But if they did something

It would be a Diddly-squat

ON MY BED AT HOME # 2

 

On my bed at home I have

A deluxe memory foam mattress

But it remembers I’m overweight

Which causes me great distress

JOLLY

 

To be politically correct

We must call fat people, jolly

And the really fat people

Have to be called morbidly jolly

THE OBESITY TIME BOMB

 

The media keep talking about

An obesity time bomb

Well, I hope I’m nowhere nearby

When it goes off chum

DON’T EAT ANYTHING FATTY

 

My doctor said to me

Don’t eat anything fatty

What he meant by that was

Don’t eat anything, fatty

I HAVE A VERY POLITE DOCTOR

 

I have a very polite doctor,

Nice to the point of folly

He won’t tell me I’m obese

He says I’m morbidly jolly

THE UPSIDE OF BEING CLINICALLY OBESE

 

The upside of being clinically obese

To the point of being handicapped

Is that it makes it significantly more

Difficult to be forcibly kidnapped

TWO OVERWEIGHT LADS

 

Two overweight lads were in the pub

“Your round” one of them suddenly said

The other one took instant offence and

Replied “So are you, you great fat head”

SHE WAS A VERY BIG LASS

 

She was a very big lass

And Apple shaped I suppose

But she was dressed

In quite unsuitable clothes

 

Beige Lycra pedal pushers

And a long white clingy top

They would have looked better

Left hanging in the shop

 

It certainly was a sight

I wouldn’t easily forget

As I watched her in the sun

Looking like a melting cornet

MY DOCTOR SAID I’M BORDERLINE OBESE

 

My doctor said I’m borderline obese

But it didn’t bother me at all

Because at the end of the day

That makes me borderline Normal

SALAD DODGERS

 

When the slot machines

Are played by those with obesity

In a life spent in the arcades

It’s the only fruit that they see

ON THEIR OBESECYCLE

 

On their obesecycle

They have to scurry

Not that the obese

Are able to hurry

 

They can still walk

Though they don’t bovver

And they are so fat

That they appear to hover 

THE LIFE OF PIE

 

Off they go to the bakers

For a pie of pork and pickle

Trundling along the road

Riding on their obesecycle

BIG BONED

 

No, you don’t have “big bones”

That belief is mere folly

Let’s face it you’re just fat

It’s a shame you’re not jolly

SELF ANALYSIS

Are you clinically obese?

Is your alcohol intake quite scary?

Do you like to dress up as a woman?

Then eat, drink and be Mary

SIR CUMFERENCE OF CAMELOT

Sir Cumference of Camelot

Could eclipse the sun in the sky

With the bulk of his obesity

Though he didn’t know why

His physician warned him that

Left unchecked he would die

But he had a hearty appetite

And that was the reason why

Sir Cumference of Camelot

Could eclipse the sun in the sky

And the immensity of his girth

Was caused, by too much pi