Are you wearing priestly garments?
How good you look in
your vestments
Can you share any
indiscretions?
That you hear during
confessions
Oh, what a shame you
cannot share
I would like to be a
fly in there
But what torture it
must truly be
Having taken a vow of
celibacy
And denying yourself
the pleasures,
Of plundering earthly
treasures
Only to sit each day
in confessions
Listening to others
sinful discretions
My doctor said to me
Don’t eat anything
fatty
What he meant by that
was
Don’t eat anything,
fatty
My dad thinks he’s a chocolate orange
I don’t know if I’ve
mentioned
And we have come to
the decision
That we should have
him sectioned
If you want to score at school
Then the person to see
To fulfil all your
needs
Is the supply teacher
obviously
Have you had an accident?
That you have not
recovered from
And has changed your
life?
Well next time use a
condom
When I said I’d been married for twelve years
My best mate laughed
himself into tears
“You’d have got less
for murder” he said flat
“No, I wouldn’t” I
said “I already thought of that”
The offer that swung the vote
On the recent
referendum day
Was lowering healthy
portions
From five, to three a
day
