DON’T REST UPON YOUR LAURELS

Don’t rest upon your laurels

Once you’ve reached top

Because someone on the ladder

Is just waiting for you to drop

THE GLASS CEILING HAS BEEN REMOVED

 

The glass ceiling has been removed

For the benefit of women everywhere

It’s a positive move long overdue

It was difficult to clean way up there

IF YOUR EMPLOYEE GOES ALL RAGING BULL

 

If your employee goes all raging bull

Instead of his normal little sparrow

Just say “Easy there Mr Testosterone

Or I’ll replace you with a marrow"

THE COMMON TERM FOR SOMEONE

 

The common term for someone

Who retires but goes to work again

Because they enjoy it too much

To give it up, is criminally insane

MY UNCLE JOHN IS RETIRED

 

My Uncle John is retired

He doesn’t miss work, He says

But the people he worked with

During his professional days

Of course he lies to spare them

Which is one of his ways

I WORK IN AN OFFICE THAT’S SO QUIET

 

I work in an office that’s so quiet

I suggested without misgiving

That we should all join hands

In order to contact the living

SHORT SHIPMENT

 

I told my boss at work today

That we had a short shipment

And he went absolutely mad

He got straight on the phone

And showed his discontent

We had a shipment of shorts

Is what I actually meant

MY BOSS DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM

 

My Boss doesn’t go to the gym

But it’s not a case of him being slack  

He gets all the exercise he needs

Just by stabbing people in the back

OUR COMPUTERS WENT DOWN

 

Our computers went down

At the office today

So, we had to do things

The old-fashioned way

But Doris had a pack of cards

So, playing cards was ok

INCENTIVE SCHEME

 

If your staff tell you an

Incentive scheme is desired

Say “I have one for you”

Work hard or get fired

AFTER MY HOLIDAY

 

After my holiday

My inbox was full

And the backlog

Was diabolical

 

After four hours

However, it transpired

From an email I found

That I was fired

IF YOU’RE LONELY AT WORK

 

If you’re lonely at work

And you find it self-defeating

There is only one thing for it

And that is to call a meeting

I AM TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATED AT WORK

 

I am totally unappreciated at work

I do a good job but unfortunately, I fear

It’s akin to dribbling in your trousers

When you’re wearing a dark pair

You get a comforting warm glow

But no one sees the piss patch there

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE BOSS

 

Don’t worry about the boss

Finding out how little you do

Because he is the lazy shit

That’s more worried about you

I'VE JUST HEARD THE WINDOW CLEANER

I've just heard the window cleaner

He was really making tongues wag

Cursing, shouting, and swearing

I think he’d clearly lost his rag

SHIRK ETHIC

 

I’m not possessed of the work ethic

But I don’t mind going there

However, the eight-hour wait

To go home is a real nightmare

WORKING IN A SWEAT SHOP

 

Working in a sweat shop

Is, dawn to dusk, sew-sew

Conditions are appalling

And never thought so-so

INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT # 2

 

Did you hear about the guy?

Who was guillotined and how

His whole left side was cut off

Obviously, he's all right now

SNACK TIME

 

When he’s making clocks

And hunger beacons

The clock man will

Go back four seconds.

INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT # 1

One of the guys fell into

The upholstery machine,

He was quickly discovered

 

And they knew what to do

To get him out the machine

Now he’s fully recovered